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Another thing you could try is having him detained for emergency mental evaluation for 72 hours. In Florida, it's called the Baker Act. In other states, it may be called something else. This would bring in medical specialists and social workers. You'd have a team to assist in finding him the help he needs.
When you call it in, you'd say that he is a danger to himself and others, which is true. They'd take it from there.
Based on your profile you filled out he doesn't have insurance so how was he able to rent a car? Please call Enterprise and tell them your husband is uninsured and has rented a car from their agency and he has ALZ. They will be liable if he gets in a car accident since they are now informed of the situation. Sounds like you do need to place him in a facility or divorce him at this point based on what you wrote. It sounds like a nightmare.
Does he have a formal diagnosis from a doctor for ALZ? Give this to the rental car company too. And yes take away his credit cards, etc and access to ALL bank accounts ASAP. You don't want him draining your accounts.
There is legally stopping him and literally stopping him,
Legally, you report him to the DMV. Depending on your state you can do this online. When you provide proof (dates of accidents, reasons, etc) they will send out a letter telling him to come in for a test (this also varies by state). You need to intercept the letter so he never sees it, and allow his license to expire.
Literally, as others have suggested (and hoping either you or someone else is his PoA):
- relocate the cars to a secret place, also hiding the keys. - hiding or cancelling credit and debit cards, checkbooks, etc. - preventing any online access (changing the password, cancelling any new account he opens)
I realize this seems daunting but there is no other way. It will be hard at first and then things will improve. My Uncle killed his own wife in a crash he caused because no one stopped him. Others on this forum have similar stories. You are in the best position to stop him. He will get mad, and you must ignore it and do whatever it takes.
If he gets verbally abusive or physically threatening then don't hesitate to call 911 and report this to the police. This may keep him in check or else they may remove him from your home, depending on how he reacts.
There are no magic wand for this situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Have as many family, friends and neighbors in on this as possible. Make sure they know to never lend their vehicles to him. Ask them to provide rides for his appointments and errands so he doesn't feel stranded. If he manages to get a car and you know he's on the road, call it in to 911 every time.
I've had to end driving privileges for 3 seniors and this year probably going on the 4th. It's never been easy. I wish you success.
Cancel the credit cards he’s using. He has to have a credit card to use Uber; I’ve never heard of Uber taking cash. If he has a key fob for the car, open it and remove the battery. He probably won’t figure out what’s wrong with it. He should never be left unsupervised now. If there’s no one to watch and stop him from doing all dangerous things, you MUST place him in memory care. This isn’t only a driving problem. It’s also a problem of what he’ll do next, since he’s lost good judgment and thinking skills.
Things I’ve seen while taking care of family who had dementia: Eating leaves found on the ground. Emptying the whole pill minder for the week on the place mat and starting to eat all of the pills. Trying to walk out the door at 2 a.m. Waking up in the middle of the night and peeing in inappropriate places.
I know it’s hard to imagine the extent of the damage they can do. I’m sorry you are going through this, but you have to take major steps. Placement would be my choice.
If he is renting a car so as to get around you keeping your car out of reach, then I suppose the next step is to make renting impossible. He cannot have access to credit cards, and it might be best to take his license and smartphone. (He should carry another form of identification of course). Without a license or using the app, I don’t think a rental agency would rent him a car. I’m not experienced in this, but it seems to me you need to remove the tools that make this possible. I’m really sorry, this must be so difficult.
Hide the keys. The insurance company may cancel your insurance is what happened to us after being with same carrier for 15 years. My husband had 4 accidents in 2 years. He totaled 2 different cars. I had to find different insurance carrier and have his driver's license revoked. He will get angry...but I repeatedly told him you can't drive you have no insurance.
What are you waiting for? For him to kill someone before you take the necessary action? Someone driving with any of the dementias is no different than someone driving drunk, and they must be stopped sooner than later. Are you aware that if your husband were to either kill some innocent person or severely injure them and the police were made aware that he has dementia that you and he could be sued for everything you have? And would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you should have stopped him from driving but now he's killed someone? If that isn't enough to scare you into doing something to disable his car of take away his keys, I can't imagine anything will.
See a divorce lawyer PRONTO. Divide your funds, so scammers don't get all yours too. Driving without insurance, report the vehicle license to your state DMV or police.
Don't end up financially screwed from HIS dementia. He could get sued and loose everything. It's not your fault, you cannot control it. He is headed for placement.
Let his Doctors know about the 3 crashes. Not his right to drive and possibly kill innocent people. Contact your county agencies to ask for a Social Worker to help, or call APS.
He's not going to be the same person you married, and will only get worse. He's angry because he probably realizes he's not the same, and not going to handle it well, since he CAN'T. He needs medication to tone his behavior down.
Once you start a divorce, the money gets frozen. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Thanks. I saw elder law lawyer last week. They could not help with anything. They did not handle matrimonial or guardianships. They said he is not competent to sign papers, and will contest every action I take. Now what?
There are many many posts on this forum asking the same question. You can search those and read the responses. A very common problem but very urgent he is stopped from having access. You won't be able to get him to agree to stop so you must take other actions.
If there are 2 cars in the household you take his in to "be repaired" and it never comes back. Your car you keep secure so that he does not have access to the keys. You can have a mechanic put a switch on it so that even if he gets the keys the car will not start. You could also get one of the "Club" locks and put that on the car. Lock your car, keep the keys with you so that he can not even get into the car. I still wear my keys on a clip that is clipped to my belt loop. I did that so my husband could not take the car. This is a non negotiable if something were to happen where he damaged property, hurt or killed someone you would be ruined financially especially if there is medical documentation that he has dementia. The doctor can also inform the Secretary of State (Drivers License Department) that his drivers license should be revoked.
Are you his POA? It is time to go to the DMV and make a report. In most states he will be called in to do a test. That will be that. You will need to disable the car or have it safely removed (preferred) until then. Not only may he be hurt, but he is menace on the streets. If you cannot accomplish this it may be time for placement in mc for his own protection and for the safety of others. I am so very sorry.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
When you call it in, you'd say that he is a danger to himself and others, which is true. They'd take it from there.
Does he have a formal diagnosis from a doctor for ALZ? Give this to the rental car company too. And yes take away his credit cards, etc and access to ALL bank accounts ASAP. You don't want him draining your accounts.
Legally, you report him to the DMV. Depending on your state you can do this online. When you provide proof (dates of accidents, reasons, etc) they will send out a letter telling him to come in for a test (this also varies by state). You need to intercept the letter so he never sees it, and allow his license to expire.
Literally, as others have suggested (and hoping either you or someone else is his PoA):
- relocate the cars to a secret place, also hiding the keys.
- hiding or cancelling credit and debit cards, checkbooks, etc.
- preventing any online access (changing the password, cancelling any new account he opens)
I realize this seems daunting but there is no other way. It will be hard at first and then things will improve. My Uncle killed his own wife in a crash he caused because no one stopped him. Others on this forum have similar stories. You are in the best position to stop him. He will get mad, and you must ignore it and do whatever it takes.
If he gets verbally abusive or physically threatening then don't hesitate to call 911 and report this to the police. This may keep him in check or else they may remove him from your home, depending on how he reacts.
There are no magic wand for this situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Have as many family, friends and neighbors in on this as possible. Make sure they know to never lend their vehicles to him. Ask them to provide rides for his appointments and errands so he doesn't feel stranded. If he manages to get a car and you know he's on the road, call it in to 911 every time.
I've had to end driving privileges for 3 seniors and this year probably going on the 4th. It's never been easy. I wish you success.
Things I’ve seen while taking care of family who had dementia: Eating leaves found on the ground. Emptying the whole pill minder for the week on the place mat and starting to eat all of the pills. Trying to walk out the door at 2 a.m. Waking up in the middle of the night and peeing in inappropriate places.
I know it’s hard to imagine the extent of the damage they can do. I’m sorry you are going through this, but you have to take major steps. Placement would be my choice.
Someone driving with any of the dementias is no different than someone driving drunk, and they must be stopped sooner than later.
Are you aware that if your husband were to either kill some innocent person or severely injure them and the police were made aware that he has dementia that you and he could be sued for everything you have? And would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you should have stopped him from driving but now he's killed someone? If that isn't enough to scare you into doing something to disable his car of take away his keys, I can't imagine anything will.
Don't end up financially screwed from HIS dementia. He could get sued and loose everything. It's not your fault, you cannot control it. He is headed for placement.
Let his Doctors know about the 3 crashes. Not his right to drive and possibly kill innocent people. Contact your county agencies to ask for a Social Worker to help, or call APS.
He's not going to be the same person you married, and will only get worse. He's angry because he probably realizes he's not the same, and not going to handle it well, since he CAN'T. He needs medication to tone his behavior down.
Once you start a divorce, the money gets frozen. Sorry you have to deal with this.
There are many many posts on this forum asking the same question. You can search those and read the responses. A very common problem but very urgent he is stopped from having access. You won't be able to get him to agree to stop so you must take other actions.
Your car you keep secure so that he does not have access to the keys.
You can have a mechanic put a switch on it so that even if he gets the keys the car will not start.
You could also get one of the "Club" locks and put that on the car.
Lock your car, keep the keys with you so that he can not even get into the car. I still wear my keys on a clip that is clipped to my belt loop. I did that so my husband could not take the car.
This is a non negotiable if something were to happen where he damaged property, hurt or killed someone you would be ruined financially especially if there is medical documentation that he has dementia.
The doctor can also inform the Secretary of State (Drivers License Department) that his drivers license should be revoked.
Talk to his doctor about medication for the anger
It is time to go to the DMV and make a report.
In most states he will be called in to do a test. That will be that.
You will need to disable the car or have it safely removed (preferred) until then.
Not only may he be hurt, but he is menace on the streets.
If you cannot accomplish this it may be time for placement in mc for his own protection and for the safety of others.
I am so very sorry.