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I am seriously ill with long-term complications from colon cancer and will be having surgery soon (it must be said that my condition has been exacerbated by years of stress in caring for her and failing to properly manage my own health — PLEASE take note if you are headed down this path!). I'm scared and alone (wonderful friends but only child, no partner, no kids). Sometimes I want nothing more than to hear her comforting voice (she *is* still very comforting and concerned), and we generally talk every day, but the phone calls are getting harder and harder. At this point I'm not capable of putting on a happy face and pretending like everything is okay, but I don't have the energy to explain my situation to her over and over again in the same call (she can't hang onto any information for long), and she's just "with it" enough that if I dismiss her concerns or try to change the subject it hurts her feelings or makes her more worried. It feels like my only option is just not to call, which just makes me so sad. Am I missing a creative approach that would be gentle on both of us? This is so hard.

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GB, this is hard. I’m so glad your mom still has her caring, comforting voice despite her dementia. I’ll bet if she were able to advise you at this time she would want you to think of how much she loves you and wants you to take care of yourself.

Thinking of you.
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GB2112 Jun 2023
Thank you so much for your kind words!
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With my mother, she had a way of turning her fears and anxieties over MY issues into HER issues, putting me in a position where I had to calm HER down instead of vice versa. So I reached a point where I divulged no details about any crises going on bc she turned it into a bigger problem for me to resolve. I suggest you tell mom nothing so you don't have to suffer thru her "hurt feelings" along with your own health matters which need to take precedence now.

You say mom is living at home with AD/dementia and no short term memory to speak of. Now is the time to hire in home help on her dime to keep her safely occupied so you're able to see to your own care and recovery. It's okay to do that.....your life matters too and you deserve to put down the caregiver role now and assume it for yourself.

There is no creative way to make a person with AD understand or empathize with you. Forget that notion entirely and when you do see mom, just take comfort from her hug and words of love. She doesn't have to know your health issues in order to be of comfort to you. She's not capable of being your rock right now, not in the way you need her to be, so get creative yourself in finding other ways to draw comfort from her. Ways that won't ramp up her anxiety but will allow you two to sit together and look at old photos and reminisce. Laugh a bit. Have ice cream. You don't need to put on a happy mask but you don't need a sad mask either unless you want things to degenerate into a tear fest 😏

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate to deal with and no real family support in terms of help, but happy to know you have good friends! Best of luck to you along this journey.
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GB2112 Jun 2023
Thank you so much! Sounds like your mom and my mom have some things in common... it is hard when the boundaries aren't well defined and even your own crises are her crises! However, I am across the country right now (where my medical team is) and my mom does have in-home care, thank goodness. I feel guilty that I don't have the energy to drum up conversation every day, but also know that my health has to be my priority now, so I think I will just cut back on the calls.
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I’m so sorry that your mom isn’t empathetic to your situation.

Your profile states that your mother has Alzheimer’s disease. As you know, this disease robs a person of their ability to think rationally.

So, I would suggest that you start focusing on your needs, both physically and emotionally and disregard your mother’s reaction or lack of reaction.

I don’t mean to downplay your situation. I fully understand that even though you are aware that your mother’s behavior is due to having this dreadful disease, it is still hurtful to you. I’m so sorry that you don’t have her support.

Do you have other people that you are able to rely upon for support in your life? You’re going through a very difficult time right now. Please take care of yourself.

Have you considered hiring additional help or possibly placing your mom in a facility?

Best wishes to you, especially for healing of your cancer.
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GB2112 Jun 2023
Thank you so much! The cancer was actually several years ago and I am dealing with long-term complications now from the initial surgeries. I am fortunate to have good friends to rely on for support... it's just so hard when you are feeling so depleted, vulnerable and frightened and just want your mom! But I know that there's a) what I *wish* were reality and b) what actually *is* reality, and I have to accept and live in the latter.
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I think Kathleen's idea is such a good one. When I had cancer many years ago I tried a support group and the folks there were wonderful. For me it didn't work because my caregiving/nurse tendencies came out and I found myself wanting to caregive instead of GET support; I quit the group after some time. But I surely could see how wonderful it was/would be for some.

I am so sorry. I would not try to discuss this overmuch with mom. It will tax and hurt you both, especially the part of having to repeat and repeat would just be emotionally exhausting with all else we deal with when dealing with cancer.

So sorry for all you are currently going through and I so wish you the best.
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GB2112 Jun 2023
Thank you so much, AlvaDeer! To clarify, my cancer was several years ago and I am dealing now with long-term complications from the surgeries I had then (having said that, the cancer itself was a walk in the park compared to what's happening now). I think finding a local support group is a great idea. I belong to a few online/Facebook groups but find them more helpful for information than for actual support. I will look into it!
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Oh no there is no good way to talk to her about this very scary situation for you. I wonder if you have considered a cancer support group? You miss your mother, particularly now when you are dealing with illness. She was probably the one who comforted you all your life and now she is somewhat “gone”, unable to hold on to you and your pain. What about friends? Anyone who could possible offer comfort? Do you belong to a church? Sometimes you will find kind people there. Perhaps your doctor or hospital have cancer care groups. I really hear your pain and loneliness through your writing. It is too hard to bear alone.
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GB2112 Jun 2023
Thank you so much for your kind reply, KathleenQ! I don't know why I haven't considered a local in-person support group — I will ask my medical team for recommendations and also do some googling. I have wonderful friends and know I have their heartfelt care and concern but it's not the same as talking to someone who has lived/is living through it.
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