Find an attorney who specializes in elder care/estate planning and figure out what your finances are to fund his care AND your life. You may need to apply for Medicaid and you need someone with experience and expertise to navigate that. Then make a plan and like Paul Simon said “Get yourself free.” Don’t feel guilty - he wouldn’t. You have already earned your stripes. Don’t let him drag you down more than he has. He isn’t going to change. You need to be brave enough to deal with that.
I care for my husband as well. I understand it’s exhausting. It sounds like you have done everything possible to provide for his every need. You have done enough. You certainly have earned the opportunity for peace of mind and be happy. A facility will care for him safely and professionally. Hugs to you; it ok to be happy.
You don't have to care for him yourself. You have options. He can go to a nursing home. If homecare hasn't worked out try hiring private-pay caregivers. If you're paying good money, you will get good applicants for the postion. If you have to use agency hired help covered by insurance you may not get the number of hours you need and want. With both private and agency caregivers, be honest and up front about exactly what the needs are and what you want. That's where you should start. Let it be known to an agency that you will drop them if they are not dependable. They never want to lose clients because clients are money. If your husband hasn't cared for you in many years, why are you still married to him? You say he hasn't "provided" for you for many years either. So I'll assume that you've been providing for yourself all those years. Good for you. No one should ever be financially dependent on their spouse because then they aren't equals. When there isn't equality in a marriage the marriage is miserable. No guilt here. If you really don't want to live with him and be his caregiver, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. Look into nursing home placement.
If homecare hasn't worked out try hiring private-pay caregivers. If you're paying good money, you will get good applicants for the postion.
If you have to use agency hired help covered by insurance you may not get the number of hours you need and want.
With both private and agency caregivers, be honest and up front about exactly what the needs are and what you want. That's where you should start. Let it be known to an agency that you will drop them if they are not dependable. They never want to lose clients because clients are money.
If your husband hasn't cared for you in many years, why are you still married to him? You say he hasn't "provided" for you for many years either. So I'll assume that you've been providing for yourself all those years. Good for you. No one should ever be financially dependent on their spouse because then they aren't equals. When there isn't equality in a marriage the marriage is miserable.
No guilt here. If you really don't want to live with him and be his caregiver, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. Look into nursing home placement.