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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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It's "easier" for her, so she just does it. Most good nursing homes try to keep people out of pads as much as possible, and take them to the bathroom. But it's not unusual for the elder to grow tired of the trips to the bathroom, so many have to be encouraged along. You aren't alone, though this may not get easier. Carol
This is the way it is. There is no insisting or demanding. If they are wearing diapers, they are going to pee in them. Hate to be the bearer of unwelcome news but you just change the diaper. It's a diaper. Your mother has Dementia, yes? then all bets are off and you will see stuff you'd rather not. It just is. sorry. Hang out with us on the Grossed out Thread because that's why we're grossed out! There's also a wealth of info there offered by seasoned caregivers. We vent and gripe because at the end of the day that's all you can do! Good luck and be good to yourself! lovbob
Well...after reading all these answers I have decided to quit taking my dad to the bathroom every 2 hours or so even with depends. He is 97, frail and it wears him out going. Maybe I nees to chill and change him less. Morning, naptime 3 pm and bedtime. Maybe that is enough? I buy diapers that hold a quart! I may start putting a wet proof pad in chairs. Coolbuss
Just as I do not believe in punishing a child for accidents because they are learning, I do not believe in punishing an adult who has limited abilities, energy, or mental capacities.
yep that is the way it is . my dad is 87 yrs old and he goes in his briefs alot . once in a great while he ll say i have to go pee and well by time we get to bathroom his brief is wet and plus he did pee in the toilet . dont get mad or upset cuz it does hurts thier feelings and its embarassment to them , just change it and put another brief on em and theyre happy camper all nice and dry . my dad always thank me when i change him , they cant help it theyre like a 2 yrs old , do it in diapers or do it in toliet , which ever way it goes , xoxo
Certainly try to encourgae it, but it is what it is, as Bobbie says. Both my parents are wearing diapers. I had to buy a diaper pail cause the smell in the basthroom permiated their small home. (I try to encourage the word "depends" to save any tiny bit of dignity they have left.) My dad will wear his until it leaks so when he gets in my car, he generally smells like urine, but he can't smell anymore. I still can!!!! Gross!! Yup, see ya on the Grossed Thread, Puzzled! So much fun!!
My mom is only 84 and I thank God for depends. I purchased a plastic mattress cover to eliminate any accidents. I would rather change the diaper than get upset. Her feelings get hurt and she becomes belligerent if I insist, so please don't try to convince her to go to the bathroom. One of the things I do is to put a pair of her panties on top of the depend as she feels more comfortable with her panties on and there is less leakage. The only thing that I find is that her panties end up in the garbage as well. Because this is a normal faze in the progression of the disease, I don't get grossed out anymore. I just treat her with as much respect as I can and walk away cussing under my breath. It is a true venting and then I let it go, works wonderfully. I have to take out the garbage daily. I also find pads all over the house. So what, pick then up and continue on, she has no idea what she is doing. The only issue that I have at present is that she has a tendency to take off her underwear and pants and wash herself at the kitchen sink. My husband came into the room as I was pulling her pants up and directing her to the bathroom. Was funny because my husband is a dream, he just shrugged it off and walked away. Try to look at any situation from the funny side of the coin. Frustration drops when you can see the humor in the situation. She makes two cups of tea and when I ask her why she replies with, This one is for your friend. I said what friend, she replied with oh, I thought you had a friend. Enjoy your parent, you don't know how long they are going to be around. Vickie
PT, Check and change more. Use a moisture barrier. And there is a foam cleaner cleaner for cleaning the bottom. Depends keep the wearer from the embarrassment of their accident becoming apparent. Changing, cleaning and a moisture barrier are a necessary job of the caregiver....Good Luck
I work with the elderly and under state laws to demean or punish anyone is abuse. What you have described comes under emotional abuse. If your dad was under my care in a facility and I acted as you have, I would be fired and reported to the state who would most likely revoke my certification. I know you are doing the best you can. You must know your limitations. Sometimes loved ones at home come to a point where the best thing for your loved one is to place them in a facility. Sometimes at home is not always the best place. Emotions get in the way and a lot of caregivers will not place their loved ones in a facility. This causes much detremint to both caregiver and their loved one. First thing is your father is not a child. Children's minds are growing and learning. Your father's mental status is declining as he ages. You have a big responsibility on your hands without the know how and tools. Knowledge will empower you. I suggest you go so far as to pose as a new CNA and join a forum where you can ask questions about the behaviors of your "client. " Do an online search so you can begin to better understand the ageing process. Find out if your father has dementia or has Alzheimers disease and educate yourself to how it may affect your loved one. Know if your dad is taking any meds that could cause confusion. Is he on a diuretic that is contributing to his being more incontinent at times ? Look into a homecare provider to give yourself a break and or an adult day care program. You must especially take extra good care of yourself to deal with the stress level of being a caretaker. Even though I bring none of my residents home with me I do things to deal with the stress of taking care of the seniors I have at work. I take care of many people at one time and I want to give them the best of me. Being punitive is never accecptable. Keep on this forum. The majority of caregivers on here are amazing caring people for you to learn from.I have learned things here also. They are not in a facility and thus are a very creative bunch in finding very excellent solutions to the problems they face. I thank them for this. I keep stepping out of my box and coming here because so much I have been able to use at work. I am so happy to add to the comfort of the loved ones of others. Know that an overwhelming majority of us health care workers are very dedicated.
the buttocks tske place. I use a no rinse perianal skin cleaner and go over everything again. I apply a moisture skin barrier to diaper lines , inner groins and thighs , under abdominal fold, in lines of creases and folds and of course buttocks. Never use powder. Once wet it turns into little gray balls that can contribute to skin reddness and breakdown. A lot of facilities ban the use of powder for this very reason.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Carol
Your mother has Dementia, yes?
then all bets are off and you will see stuff you'd rather not.
It just is.
sorry.
Hang out with us on the Grossed out Thread because that's why we're grossed out! There's also a wealth of info there offered by seasoned caregivers.
We vent and gripe because at the end of the day that's all you can do!
Good luck and be good to yourself!
lovbob
dont get mad or upset cuz it does hurts thier feelings and its embarassment to them , just change it and put another brief on em and theyre happy camper all nice and dry . my dad always thank me when i change him ,
they cant help it theyre like a 2 yrs old , do it in diapers or do it in toliet , which ever way it goes , xoxo
I know you are doing the best you can. You must know your limitations. Sometimes loved ones at home come to a point where the best thing for your loved one is to place them in a facility. Sometimes at home is not always the best place. Emotions get in the way and a lot of caregivers will not place their loved ones in a facility. This causes much detremint to both caregiver and their loved one.
First thing is your father is not a child. Children's minds are growing and learning. Your father's mental status is declining as he ages. You have a big responsibility on your hands without the know how and tools. Knowledge will empower you. I suggest you go so far as to pose as a new CNA and join a forum where you can ask questions about the behaviors of your "client. " Do an online search so you can begin to better understand the ageing process. Find out if your father has dementia or has Alzheimers disease and educate yourself to how it may affect your loved one. Know if your dad is taking any meds that could cause confusion. Is he on a diuretic that is contributing to his being more incontinent at times ? Look into a homecare provider to give yourself a break and or an adult day care program. You must especially take extra good care of yourself to deal with the stress level of being a caretaker. Even though I bring none of my residents home with me I do things to deal with the stress of taking care of the seniors I have at work. I take care of many people at one time and I want to give them the best of me. Being punitive is never accecptable. Keep on this forum. The majority of caregivers on here are amazing caring people for you to learn from.I have learned things here also. They are not in a facility and thus are a very creative bunch in finding very excellent solutions to the problems they face. I thank them for this. I keep stepping out of my box and coming here because so much I have been able to use at work. I am so happy to add to the comfort of the loved ones of others. Know that an overwhelming majority of us health care workers are very dedicated.
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