Hi, it is I again. I made a post not too long ago that mentioned how my grandmother gossips about me and yadda yadda, which ultimately became too toxic for me that I made the decision to leave temporarily, but I digress.
Anyway, my grandmother has a bad habit of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. If I do something that didn't fit her notions, then it's not good enough. For example, say I tell her that I have to go somewhere with my mother, but I forget where exactly. My grandmother would get upset and accuse me for "not sharing" and then would b*tch about it over the phone and tell others that I do not share, which is just not true. That actually happened.
She also has a very fickle mind and has a bad habit of going against her previous decisions. She hates it that I sleep in sometimes till 11 (in my defense, I cannot sleep because of an old mattress she owns I sleep in). For a year, I'd been forcing myself to wake up early for her, no matter the lack of sleep I get. It got to a point where I almost passed out due to lack of good quality sleep because I forced myself to wake up early and prematurely. I told her that, and she said that I can go to bed whenever I want and sleep in as much as I like. That's good, right? I'm a night owl, but I constantly toss and turn and wake up multiple times because of the mattress.
But she went against her word today. You see, my father had a stroke, but he was sent home (long, different story), so I've been helping my mother by giving auxiliary aid when taking care of my father ever since he came home, every day. It's exhausting work. When I'm done, I would come home around 6:30 PM so exhausted that I would almost immediately retire for the night due to sheer physical exhaustion, and then would wake up around 10 or 11 AM. To my grandmother, I've been sleeping for 16-17 hours every night, which I'm not. I'd still go to sleep late because I can't sleep due to being so physically tired. And today, I was told that I need to wake up earlier henceforth (like I'm still ten years old; I'm almost thirty) all because I turn in to my room so early and wake up late due to sheer exhaustion.
Mind you, I also haven't been sleeping well at all for over a month, so mixing that and taking care of a physically disabled parent will create a sleep-deprived mess! My grandmother knows that I don't sleep well on her guest bed and that I've been taking care of my father, but I feel as if she doesn't understand or even consider my side of things, how exhausted I've been, and so on. But I try to remind myself that she's almost 90.
I'm unsure if I should try to adjust my sleep schedule just for my grandmother, or just ignore her demands and do what's best for myself, for my health. I just don't know how to deal with her fickleness, especially. I don't bother telling her my feelings anymore because she gets upset and defensive, and would gossip about it.
You said she's almost 90. That's quite an advanced age but unfortunately, the brain is usually not as advanced. Maybe her memory is in decline.
I'm sure you're doing what you can whilst under so much stress but keep on pushing forward.
And Isthisrealyreal, like everyone else who read OP's post, you don't know exactly what goes on when she's taking care of her father. You clearly are arguing semantics about her father when OP was really asking on how to handle the situation about her grandmother.
I don’t think your grandmother’s disposition is going to change this late in life. She sounds set in her ways.
Can you call Council on Aging to get an assessment to see if she qualifies for a sitter a couple of times a month so you can get a break?
How old is your dad? Maybe he can also receive help from Council on Aging. You have your hands full. Do you work or go to school as well? Sorry, I can’t remember what you told us last time.
How much is your mom helping out?
As far as her gossiping, that’s her personality I suppose. I am sure it hurts but you will have to try to ignore as much as you can. Has your family looked into an assisted living facility or a nursing home? It may be time to do so.
Some people are hard to please. You could stand on your head, do backflips and cartwheels, jump through a million hoops and they still won’t be impressed. Know what I mean? They wallow in their misery.
You should not be moving him without a hoyer lift. You will hurt yourself.
PT and OT will teach you how to care for him without damaging your body.
His doctor can order this for him, it is well worth the time.
You need to protect your back and body from lifting someone else. I am sorry that your dad is going through this, it is difficult.
If possible, get yourself a new mattress.......if grandma doesn't mind and if you can afford to. That would help you get some better quality sleep, most likely.
Good luck!
For the mattress, I personally believe it's something my grandmother should pay for, since the bed is technically her property and not mine.
You aren't even 30 and you are exhausted after helping 6 hours with your dad? I am saying 6 hours because you state you get home around 630pm and sleep in until 11am. You should see a doctor, you are far to young to be so worn out after 6 hours of any kind of work.
Have you changed your mind about moving?
It's like a 5'4" woman trying to take care of a 6 foot muscular man. Of course I would be so exhausted! It's nothing to see a doctor about. Doing this kind of medical work I am physically incapable of doing is incredibly difficult to do.
And for moving, considering the circumstances going on, it's something that has to wait.