So where do I start? I'm a only child 32 yrs old. My mother is 72 yrs old. She has been a single mother most of her life and has never remarried nor had much luck with relationships and sadly enough as I get older I start to understand. My mothers health is bad overweight, Diabetes, breathing problems, bad knees (a replacement hopefully soon). My whole life she has been in denial of everything. Her finances, her health, her diet, her age. She is a horder and very impulsive. Bought a 1993 limo randomly just because she thought it would be fun and rots in her driveway racking up back reg fees. Through the years she has taken part in every success multi level marketing trap in the book. A hard believer of lotteries, sweepstakes anything that promisses her the golden ticket. Spent thousands of dollars on self help education only to all go to waste and nothing learned. Took out $25k in student loans at 69 only to retire at 71. Is debt because of them and other wild choices. Purchased a timeshare she can't get out of. She met a man out of state a few years back that she has given thousands of dollars to. She thinks she is in love with him but he goes all over the states pulling the same scam to other multiple women. She knows this and will not stop talking to him even though she knows she shouldn't. So I have a wolf lurking 24/7 in the sheep's den I worry about.
What I'm trying to get at, is it's chaos you try to help and she just goes "there always tomorrow to be better" on and on. She's a blind optimist. I've helped her out financially because I owe her my life but at what point is enough enough I'm asking. I also don't feel like she's grateful for what I or her friends do for her. Her chaos is so crazy that there's no time for a relationship between us.
Please help!
As to your having lived with this chaos and disintegration all your life, that cannot been without repercussions; you should see psychological counseling to be certain you don't follow her down a wrong path.
You don’t owe her your life. She chose to be a parent. It was her responsibility to raise you to be an independent adult.
You are an adult now and are free to live your own life as you choose.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t care for your mom. Of course, you care about her well-being but it is her responsibility to not be impulsive. She shouldn’t be totally dependent on you.
She has to sincerely want to change. You can’t change her.
If you do not want her to rely on you, don’t be available for her to come to you with unreasonable requests or needs.