My 77 year old husband is now in the mid stage of Alzheimer’s. He was diagnosed about five years ago. His short term memory is gone. The repetition is maddening. He can ask the same question or make the same comment several times in just a minute.
My husband thinks he is fine and has no memory problems. He makes endless excuses...fatigue, distraction, unimportance of the subject at hand. He cannot remember our children’s and grandchildren’s birthdays, he doesn’t know who won the US Presidential election, he doesn’t know his own age or what season we’re in. I could go on but I think I’ve made my point.
I am his sole caregiver. Nobody in our family lives nearby and they have their own lives. The familiarity of our home and town makes life easier for my husband. Covid restrictions prevent access to care services although I doubt my husband would admit to needing help. His neurologist sympathizes but can’t do much except give exams every few months. He doesn’t have to tell me my husband is declining.
I took a Caregivers’ burnout quiz and I meet several of the burnout criteria. My husband’s stubbornness, mood swings, clumsiness, and ignorance of his condition are beyond tolerance these days. I don’t know what to do.
Don’t wait until there’s an accident & don’t use Covid as an excuse. Don’t go at it alone. Hugs 🤗
I was always OK during the 'crisis' part of most situations, falling to pieces only AFTER everything was 'settled' or 'over'....but I have completely lost that ability in the last year or so, as I went through a cancer battle. I may never have the strength or ability to caregive the way I used to--and since I always felt like that was kind of part of my DNA--it's hard to admit I just CAN'T do what I used to.
2020 has been a learning year, and one thing I learned was to put myself first. If that meant a nap everyday, then I nap. If it means I sleep in a different bedroom b/c DH needs to have the TV on all night so he can sleep...then I leave.
I have now developed heart issues--tachycardia due to stress and sometimes my heart will race for 2-3 hours as I struggle to calm down and get 'over it'.
Luckily, my grands are all past the baby stage, my mother and MIL are probably never going to go back to life as it was prior to covid--my MIL especially has not left her house in almost a year---mother may go back to the Sr Center, but it won't open for months yet.
I was never taught to self-care. It's an important part of my life now. I got the all clear from cancer and COVID hit. Dh was home all the time--glad to kick 2020 to the curb!
However you relax and care for yourself is your choice. I still want to do service type things--but nothing long term and nothing that saps my soul.
Accepting that I don't wake up 'happy', ever, I take mornings slow. I'm spending more time doing things I want to do, after 45 years of doing what I was EXPECTED to do.
I have learned, the hard way, the difference between service and servitude.
Good Luck! We're useless to our families/friends/neighbors if we are stressed and grouchy!
Looking ahead, it might be time to inquire into a better long term solution since hiring caregivers can get expensive and Alzheimer’s gets progressively harder.
Sending you hugs. My husband passed away 10 days ago. Try to balance your life. Good luck.
And yes, there are home health care agencies that are supplying workers despite Covid, so you can just tell your husband that they are there to help you, so you can get some much needed breaks. Wishing you the best.
Sorry - I needed to vent.
As others have mentioned, it seems you need help in caring for your husband. Contact family, friends, members of faith community and home health care agencies to give you some time off daily and longer times weekly. You need to be able to meet your needs: sleep, meals, hygiene, health care, and social interactions/ hobbies... which means some time off from caregiving duties.
you’re on your own!!!
Nobody is going to help unless they get paid. And you’re right when you say ‘nobody has to tell me he’s getting worse’. Neurologists are ‘diagnose and adios’
you need to decide how much help you want ... I think you could get about 6 to 12 hrs/ week free thru gov’t agencies... so apply for that ASAP .. then look into hiring privately... one thing’s for sure .. he’s not getting better . And neither will you. You need to be well to take care of him.
good luck !!!
If you've taken the burnout quiz, you know what your level is. Whether you scored low or high, it must be addressed. Burnout can begin with being simply annoyed by your LO's behavior. That can escalate to frustration, anger and finally resentment. You need some respite time where you can have break. Call your local Area Agency on Aging, they can offer help.
That did it, thank the Lord. I hope it keeps working at lest once a week. He has two daughters, one lives about 48 min. from us and the other 15 min. They are so busy that I have not been able to get them to come, especially to give me a break. I can't do anything without him, can't leave him alone so I feel like a prisoner at times. The only thing that keeps my sanity is my relationship with Jesus, my Lord and Savior. I try to watch Christian TV as much as possible but he is wanting the TV off so we can talk. That means constant repitition. I pray for strength, wisdom and the ability to keep on. He is 82 and I am 84 with type 2 diabetes and neuropathy. My legs get quite weak at times but thank God I am able to continue. I pray Jesus comes soon to take us home.