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Gaszakr: At this point considering the young ages of the grandsons, keep it simple, e.g. 'Pop Pop is ill/sick.' They are not going to comprehend anything further than that simple statement.
Explain that Pop Pop has problems remembering things. Sometimes the "not remembering" can feel frightening to him. When people are scared they cry, hide, or try to fight off what seems to be a monster. If Pop Pop acts angry or scared, the best idea is to give him lots of room, tell him you love him, and let him know you will get a "big person" (adult) to help him.
The best book I know to explain dementia to someone who does not know anything about it is Jude Welton's "Can I tell you about dementia: A guide for family, friends and carers" (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2013). An 11-year-old could readily understand this. There are good pictures that will help with chatting with a five-year old.
I would explain to them all about the illness in terms they can understand. Tell them he is sick and can't help what he does. However, for peace of mind and possible safety of the children, mentally and physically, I would not put the two together. If they want, let them send cards to him to avoid physical contact which could be a problem. The older one should understand. But keep them separate.
Well, our daughter's choice was to move away, far away. "You aren't the kind of grandparents we want in our kids' lives." I don't wish that on anyone. Include their parents in any conversations you have with your grandchildren.
Keep it simple. Say he is ill and sometimes his behaviour can be frightening and he doesn't know what he is doing or mean to upset them. Then keep them away as much as possible only seeing them when he is having more "docile" days. If he doesn't know who they are then keep them away completely and you visit them at their home.
You may mean the alzheimer's association....might also want to touch base with local bookstore children's dept or local librarian. I feel like I read something about a book dealing with this for children.
I was walking through a store one day with my Husband. With his dementia he made noises, sort of a quiet moaning. A little girl walking with her mom asked mom “why is that man sad.” Mom tugged at her hand as if to sush her. I said, “no, it’s ok. I explained he was not sad but his brain did not work as well as hers or mine. I asked if she had any friends in school with autism. She said yes. I asked if they did thing to make themselves feel better. Like rock, hold blankets, or make noise. When she said yes I told her the noises he was making were just the same and he was making the noises to make himself feel safe. I assured her he was not sad and thanked her for her concern. I also had adults walk up to him asking if he was ok. Since he was pretty much non verbal I would let them know that he had dementia was non verbal and this was his coping method. Kids get it, they will understand if given an explanation that they understand. Keep in mind though that with dementia there is a loss of filters and foul language, violence, urinating in inappropriate places, exposing themselves is a possibility so if there is a chance this would occur it is wise to not leave grandpa alone with the kids.
The 11 year old should be able to understand a fuller explanation of what's wrong with pop pop than the 5 year old. That Pop Pop has a disease of the brain called Alzheimer's that causes his brain to die and because of that it affects his behavior. The grandson may have questions - answer them as well as you can and if you don't know the answer, maybe the two of your can do some research together to find the answers.
The 5 yo on the other hand is going to have a much more limited understanding - at this time just tell her Pop Pop is sick and it makes him act the way he does - that he can't help acting the way he does.
Good luck with the education of your grandchildren.
Yep, the “thinking” part of Grandma’s brain isn’t working very well any more, but the “loving” part still works just perfectly.
Not sure I know what you’re describing as “psychotic”, but if Pop Pop is doing anything really “scary”, (not just “different”), their time with him during such episodes should probably be very limited.
We have an adult son with a hypoxic brain injury and a congenital birth defect. He’s very aware of his health problems as it’s been a lifelong journey. When he was quite young I started telling him that “everyone has a thing” This was aimed at his young mind. I told him that some things you can see, like a prosthetic leg or a hearing aid, but many things you cannot see, but still everyone has a thing. He learned what his thing was, and also started spotting and having empathy for other people’s thing. Sometimes he’d spot a person in a wheelchair or someone signing and ask me “isn’t that their thing?” A few times he’s heard someone yelling out inappropriately, and he quietly says “that’s their thing, everyone has one” Maybe use something similar with the grandsons, it teaches compassion and empathy, and they’ll understand grandpa better. I wish you all peace
Gaszakr, just be up front with the grandsons. Tell them that Pop Pop brain is broken and doctor's cannot fix it. That with Pop Pop's brain, there will be times that he will do or say things that may confuse them. But always remember that Pop Pop loves both of them very much. And if there is something confusing that they can always come to you for guidance. Chances are the 11 year old will understand, but the 5 year old may not grasp everything.
Not being able to fix the broken brain might sound a little scary to a child. (who will then wonder if his own brain might break!) Maybe something more along the lines of PopPop's brain is working "differently."
Maybe just keep it simple. Tell them Pop pop is sick. Acknowledge that his behavior can be scary. Mention that he does love them and since he's sick he can't help the way he is behaving and he is sorry, as are you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
https://www.alzheimers.net/6-03-16-books-for-children-about-alzheimers-and-dementia
Love and Prayers on a difficult journey
I also had adults walk up to him asking if he was ok. Since he was pretty much non verbal I would let them know that he had dementia was non verbal and this was his coping method.
Kids get it, they will understand if given an explanation that they understand.
Keep in mind though that with dementia there is a loss of filters and foul language, violence, urinating in inappropriate places, exposing themselves is a possibility so if there is a chance this would occur it is wise to not leave grandpa alone with the kids.
The 5 yo on the other hand is going to have a much more limited understanding - at this time just tell her Pop Pop is sick and it makes him act the way he does - that he can't help acting the way he does.
Good luck with the education of your grandchildren.
Not sure I know what you’re describing as “psychotic”, but if Pop Pop is doing anything really “scary”, (not just “different”), their time with him during such episodes should probably be very limited.
Maybe something more along the lines of PopPop's brain is working "differently."
Maybe something like that could help?