She charms mental health professionals, denies having any problems, can be very engaging and when necessary, presents as an intelligent successful person. She cannot operate her TV channel changer, cannot remember how to use her phone for anything other than calling someone. Thankfully, she does not cook, so often eats junk food. She drives carelessly and can become enraged at drivers perceived to be in her way. She gets lost when driving, when trying to follow conversations, or instructions. She will be untruthful about med management; she forgets to take them. There are other behaviors such as getting exercise, taking out the trash, washing clothes, or cleaning up after herself which she declines to do. She is focused on maintaining an image of youth and beauty and is quite flirtatious. She lives alone and spends her day watching TV, or ordering beauty items from advertisements. She is an easy target to scammers. She has lost all her former girlfriends and depends on one male whom she has had an intimate relationship with, and is obsessed by him. He is trying to avoid her now.
In summary, she is a danger to herself and others while living alone without supervision/assistance. She longs for companionship but it is difficult for her to hold on to friends due to negative behaviors.
If it were not for her DPOA, a sister who lives in another state or for some support from a son living nearby, it is scary to imagine what would have happened to her before now. Her community, family, and former friends are very concerned for her safety and that of others she comes in contact with living alone and driving. This is not well written. I am writing things of concern through a stream of consciousness.
Her sister’s life is being greatly affected. I am married to that sister so I see everything.
In a nutshell...
Heavy drinking will cause dementia (although may be one factor of others ie mixed type dementia).
She lives alone. OK. She will continue to do so - until she can't.
Regardless of type of dementia, if the sister has no intention or ability to live differenently, it may take a crises to effect real change. Regardless of whether she is aware of her deficits, or is not, you cannot change her.
You can only change your response. *This is crucial to understand* & takes time. (Took me AGES).
* The sooner your wife stops enabling her to live alone, the faster her situation will change *
Are you & your wife ready to do that? Ready to accept your limitations? Let the world in to help her?
Show your wife this thread if you can.
PS I edited my reply. The steps on how to step back can wait (until you are ready).
Please consider Al-Anon. You will get very good advice from others who are living this.
Every single person that has a concern should contact APS and file a vulnerable person complaint and keep making them until they intervene.
Your wife should do some research on dementia, because she is trying to be reasonable with a broken brain and that just doesn't work.
As difficult as it is, sometimes we can only step back and let the person fail. That is usually how change happens in these situations. She is lucky that she lives in OR, they have great social services. So encourage everyone to start making those calls and step back and let the system work.
May God bless this situation with a caring, knowledgeable social worker that can see through the showtiming.