How to get a loved one who cannot remember to pay bills or even care to transition son to help or get on the account to get bills paid?

Well FIL accepted our POA. We are now able to move forward and make sure his wishes are carried out. I appreciate this site and all the information it provides.

Coffee4me, you wrote that you haven't been able to get onto your Dad's checking account so you can pay his bills. Sometimes we need to use a "theraputic fib" to get our elders to do what is in their best interest.....

You could say that there is a new law that anyone over 65 needs to have one of their children's names on their checking account to prevent fraud. Or whatever fib you think might work.

Whenever it came to money, my Dad's ears would perk up big time. I found that my Dad wasn't paying his bills, either. I found current bills in the recycling bin, and in the wastebasket. I gathered them and had the billing address changed.

Hopefully you can get to that point where the bank can add your name to Dad's checking account so you can pay his bills. Who has financial Power of Attorney, or does Dad not have Power of Attorney? If not, again try a "theraputic fib".

I had to use a "fib" to get my parents to update their Wills. I told Dad that the way his old Will was written, the State would get half, laws have changed... my folks quickly made an appt with my Elder Law Attorney :)

Is there any way you could convince him to sign up for auto-pay of his bills? If they are automatically withdrawn from his account, no one would need access. You could also get him a debit card instead of a credit card. That way, if he tried to use it and there wasn’t enough money in the account, it wouldn’t go through.

Also, I agree that you cannot force him to allow you to handle his finances especially if you keep bringing up the subject very frequently. He must be very proud and has probably taken care of himself all his life. Being told he can no longer do so is emasculating to him. You may have to wait until his utilities are disconnected, sad to say.

Only court appointed guardianship would work. He would have to be proven very demented for that to occur. In someone this uncooperative and out of control I myself would not WANT guardianship, and I am afraid that problems won't end with it. There is honestly no way to make anyone do anything until they are so far gone that none of it really matters and no one wants them. You may need to let this run its course. You do not have any power in it at all that I can see, and are lucky that he isn't living with you.

Well you may have to let the lights go off. Prepare as much as you can in advance. Remove things from freezer. Put frig items in cooler. That may be enough to get his attention depending on degree of dementia.
Is the breaker box where you could turn it off for a few hours without him knowing?

You could get on the phone in front of him and call the utilities and say
“My father has dementia. He won’t pay his bills. How long will it be before the power is disconnected? We are trying to plan accordingly. How much will it cost him to have the power cut back on?
Whats that you say? He will have to put on automatic pay from his checking account!”

If that doesn’t work, then you will probably have to wait until he causes enough problems for himself that you can gain guardianship. Don’t rescue him. Don’t argue. Just let it happen so he can understand sooner if he’s able.
Of course you would want to get buy in from other family members if they are apt to come along and save the day.

I think this could be the time of the year in Montana to do without power for a bit?

Im sure you’ll get more sane suggestions. I’ve seen people spend a long time on this and go through lots of angst when they need to recognize that he has a right not to pay his bills.
But he should also take some of the consequence and not have family jumping through the hoops to straighten it out so he can just do it all over again.

Find his flashlights and put them where they are handy.
Just dont you pay the bill.