My 87 year old mother lives with my husband and me. About 2 years ago she was diagnosed with osteo-arthritis. Since then it's been down hill. Growing up she was a good Mom, catered to me, even spoiled me. We were very close. But now, I hate to say this, but I don't know this woman and the loving Mom I had is gone. She is self centered, self absorbed, uncooperative and entitled.
Dementia is not an issue at the moment (she was tested). Granted she may be undermedicated for pain, but her Dr. is hesitant to prescribe arthritis medications due to her kidney function. So he recommended OTC meds, which don't really help a great deal.
Anyway, I understand she's in pain but my husband and I have done everything we can think of to make her life easier. We've bought her shower chairs, a new bed, pillows, blankets, a transport chair, a walker, a freezer (she will only eat Schwanns) and yet she finds fault with all of it, "The pillows are too hard, the blankets are too scratchy, the shower chair isn't comfortable..." etc.
The final straw was yesterday. We took her to a podiatry appt. We put her in the transport chair, thinking it would be easier to wheel her out of our apartment to the car. As soon as we got out in the hallway, she starts screeching and crying. Granted the med supply company forgot to give us the foot rests, so I understand she was initially upset. I suggested she lift her feet. Instead she continued to screech until I went and got her walker. Walked her to the car, she needed assistance getting her legs again, more screeching. At this point my husband and I are thinking "Great! The neighbors are going to think we're beating the crap out of her."
After the appointment she came home and got on the phone with a friend and was laughing and having a great conversation. She had no remorse or apologies for the way she acted going to the appt.
My husband and I were miserable all night. We were both mentally drained and really didn't interact with her (except to give her dinner) for the rest of the night. Once she was in bed, we were able to relax.
The thing is, we have sacrificed time, energy and quite possibly our marriage and she couldn't care less. We haven't gone on a trip or even out of town for a day trip for over 2 years. We are stuck at home with an ungrateful woman.
As you can see, we're both spent, emotionally, physically and mentally. We've had the VNA come, but even they couldn't deal with her.
I just needed to vent. It's been a tough two years and an even tougher 24 hours. Not sure how much more we can take or how much more my marriage can take.