He thinks he showers every day, When I tell him the shower isn't wet nor the towels, he says I'm wrong. He has gone more than a week without showering.
Your loved one suffers from Alzheimer's/dementia according to your profile, meaning he's not being uncooperative on purpose. Of course you're not being too picky to expect a shower about once a week, which is reasonable. Hire someone to shower him 1x a week or else place him in Memory Care Assisted Living, his choice. But first figure out what he's afraid of in the shower. For my mother it was the slippery shower floor so I bought her water shoes on Amazon which solved the problem. For some it's the shower head water spray they hate, which a hand held unit helps with. Others get cold and need the room warmed up. Teepa Snow has good videos on YouTube about techniques to use to coax dementia patients into bathing. Check them out.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. Showers are discussed in the booklet as well as lots of Do's and Dont' s for dealing with dementia sufferers.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
I know this can be very tiresome and good hygiene is important. Ask your DH’s doctor to send home health to evaluate him for Medicare paid home health care for the homebound. They will send a nurse to do an evaluation. If he qualifies, part of their service is a bath aide. They will come two or three times a week. They will need to provide a nursing service for him in order to come. This could be filling his pill planner, checking his vitals, doing a routine nurse visit.
At 81 I am assuming you are still in pretty good shape. You might try setting some stronger boundaries with him. As in no bath, no sleeping with me. No bath, no cooking favorite meals. Negotiate. There has to be something he wants that you do for him.
You don’t mention it, but if he has memory loss, he may truly think he has had a bath. Or he may be afraid he will fall, etc. Be sure to tell the doctor that so he sees a need. This could be important to both of your safety. A bath bench can be helpful. A warm bathroom is nice. You can start a bedtime ritual where you both go to the bathroom and you start the shower for him and tell him you will wash his back. He has a spot you want to make sure isn’t a bad mole (melanoma). Maybe it just needs scrubbing you might suggest. Unless he is incontinent, a couple of baths a week is probably okay. Don’t let it go too long. Let us know if you have any luck. We learn from one another.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. Showers are discussed in the booklet as well as lots of Do's and Dont' s for dealing with dementia sufferers.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck to you.
Welcome to the forum.
I know this can be very tiresome and good hygiene is important.
Ask your DH’s doctor to send home health to evaluate him for Medicare paid home health care for the homebound. They will send a nurse to do an evaluation. If he qualifies, part of their service is a bath aide. They will come two or three times a week. They will need to provide a nursing service for him in order to come. This could be filling his pill planner, checking his vitals, doing a routine nurse visit.
At 81 I am assuming you are still in pretty good shape. You might try setting some stronger boundaries with him. As in no bath, no sleeping with me. No bath, no cooking favorite meals. Negotiate. There has to be something he wants that you do for him.
You don’t mention it, but if he has memory loss, he may truly think he has had a bath. Or he may be afraid he will fall, etc. Be sure to tell the doctor that so he sees a need. This could be important to both of your safety.
A bath bench can be helpful. A warm bathroom is nice. You can start a bedtime ritual where you both go to the bathroom and you start the shower for him and tell him you will wash his back. He has a spot you want to make sure isn’t a bad mole (melanoma). Maybe it just needs scrubbing you might suggest. Unless he is incontinent, a couple of baths a week is probably okay.
Don’t let it go too long.
Let us know if you have any luck. We learn from one another.