"He still drives safely independently"... until he doesn't.
My uncle with dementia should have had his license and car retired but his children didn't do it and one random day he ran a red light and got T-boned on the passenger side, killing his wife of 60+ years (and a 2x cancer survivor). The innocent victims in the other vehicle were thankfully not seriously injured.
Also, my friend's Mom in California (who "still drove safely independently") got lost on the way to the vet to retrieve her daughter's dog (a familiar route) and got lost for 14 hours... she didn't even think to stop and call the police. Just kept driving and frantically talking to her daughter on the phone who was in Central America.
Please please do what you know is right and stop him from driving immediately. It may feel hard at first but then it will get better once he accepts it (and you stay firm).
Regarding getting a new vehicle (as in not previously owned): all new cars have way more technology in them. This alone will stymie him, and probably you as well.
I wholeheartedly agree with JoAnn. My husband’s grandfather drove his car when he should not have been driving. He would get lost and couldn’t find his way back home.
Getting lost is bad enough but having an accident is far worse.
Driving for a person who has dementia is a bad idea all around.
Your husband has dementia and isn’t thinking rationally. My question to you is, ‘What is your excuse for considering that he should buy a new car to drive?’
Do yourself, your husband and all other drivers that will be sharing the same roads with him a favor and come up with excuses not to buy a new car.
I have been hit by an elderly driver who had dementia. She caused a lot of damage to my car. The truly sad part is that this person’s daughter allowed her mom to drive her child to preschool.
I was the unfortunate person sharing a parking lot with this woman as I was dropping off my child at preschool.
She tried to hit and run. She tried lying to the police who made out the report. She got furious and yelled at me because she said that I was keeping her from her stuffed peppers that she left baking in the oven! She yelled at the cop.
It wasn’t a great day for me or the woman who was driving the other car. I’m quite sure that her daughter was sorry that she allowed her mom to drive.
I found out that after the accident her daughter didn’t allow her mother to drive her child to preschool any longer. Her daughter’s insurance did pay for the repairs to my badly damaged car.
I’m not suggesting this for your husband, who probably shouldn’t be driving at all, but for the other posters who have the same problem. I have a small white car, and so do about 50% of other women drivers (or so it seems). I have stick-on ‘sunseals’ at the top of my front and rear windscreens, which I can see from a distance. One is a mandala, the other is a blue wren. I call them my ‘ageing hippy stickers’. They do help!
Good idea Margaret , I have a popular small suv and I swear every other one is the same color as mine . I’ve been parked next to one that looks identical to mine more than once when I came out of a store . I think I may put a ribbon on my roof rack .
Please dont let your husband drive, what you think is safe isnt. My husband took our daughter’s car over 200 miles into another state, crashed & totaled it. State police had been following him & were getting ready to pull him over for a DUI. He wasnt hurt, and it was discovered he also had a UTI. He had no idea where he was, what really happened & didnt recognize me. It required hiring a lawyer in OR, 2 court appearances & a fine. He had been driving up to that time, but I didnt ride with him. That was the last time he drove; he wasnt happy about it but thats the way it had to be. I’m thankful that he didnt hurt or kill anyone
It sounds like OP's husband shouldn't be driving, especially a new and unfamiliar vehicle! Could he possibly be persuaded of that? My husband, now 94, stopped driving his manual-shift SUV of his own volition about 4 years ago primarily due to vision and knee problems. He had stopped driving at night at least 5 years before that. The OP's spouse is much younger but apparently has several serious health issues. Depending on his level of mental acuity, he might be convinced to stop driving if made aware of the potential for FINANCIAL RUIN if found at fault in an accident. Could be worth a try. . .
I've temporarily spaced out where I parked in a crowded parking lot (that even happened on rare occasion 30 years ago when I was 56), but I've learned to pay closer attention when I park. It hasn't happened recently.
I think u may need to put the new vehicle on hold. As everyone says, if he can't remember where he put the car, he should not be driving. Next thing, he is going to forget how to get home. As lea said, might want to put the car on hold. If your worried about finances you may not need the payment. If ur husband has always made the financial decisions, his Dementia is going to keep him from still doing it. Its going to be up to you to handle the money.
If by some miracle the husband is “still driving safely,” I am willing to bet that a great deal of that is down to “muscle memory.” Put him in a new vehicle in which the controls are a bit different, and his response times will be off by enough to put an end to whatever “safe” driving ability he has left.
Good Grief, this man should not be driving, what are you thinking?
I was recently in an accident, not my fault, yet the insurance company had my doctor confirm that I was of sound mind and he tested my reflexes, everything was Aok. I am 76 and I don't blame them.
If your husband has an accident that is his fault you could lose everything.
OMG!!! PLEASE for the love of God don't continue letting your husband who has a broken brain get behind the wheel of any vehicle. Do you not realize how very dangerous that is not only for him but also all the innocent people who will be on the road with him? And God forbid he hits and kills someone. Do you not realize that if the courts find out that he's been diagnosed with dementia and you let him continue to drive that you both could lose everything you own in a major lawsuit? Is it really worth taking that kind of chance? Almost nothing gets me as fired up as when a person continues to let their loved one drive when they have dementia. It so very irresponsible! I do hope that you will rethink this nonsense and do what's best for all the innocent people on the roadways.
Someone with dementia should not be driving. He is a danger to himself and others. This is not fair to innocent pedestrians and other drivers. How do you KNOW he "Still drives safely independently?" How do you KNOW he can judge distance, stop properly, or react quickly? He is apparently alone driving, so nobody KNOWS he is driving safely (or not)....until a tragedy happens. This is not good.
From the OPs profile: I am caring for my husband Steve, who is 71 years old, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, and stroke.
Please get him off the road. He shouldn’t be driving.
Dementia isn’t only memory loss. It’s inability to judge distances, or having to think about what STOP means, or if you have to turn right at the corner to get to the drugstore but you don’t remember the word drugstore at the moment or what a Walgreens means. A dementia patient faces these things every day and you will have no idea what is in his head until someone calls and tells you his car is parked in their driveway and your husband, who doesn’t know them, is acting confused. (This happened in my community several months ago.)
Never underestimate dementia. I’m sure you wish to go on as if husband is fine and only has a little memory issue. But you can’t. Your life is different now.
I will admit that sometimes I have walked down the wrong aisle looking for my care, especially if I leave through a different door than the one I entered into the store or mall. But I am never off by much. If your husband can not find his car then he should not be driving. If your husband has been diagnosed with dementia AND it is a confirmed diagnosis and it is in his medical records he should NOT be driving...period..end of discussion. If he were in an accident does not matter if he caused it or not if it is discovered..and it would be..that he has dementia there is a good chance that he (read you as well) would be sued and most likely you would lose everything. I say you would probably be sued as well since you knowingly allowed him to drive after getting a diagnosis of dementia. I am guessing that YOU will be getting a new car and he will be driving it. The reason I say that is because with dementia he really, legally can not enter into a contract.
Nobody with dementia should be driving at ALL, nevermind buying a new car!
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet to learn all about dementia. Lots of Do's and Don't tips for dealing with dementia sufferers are suggested in the booklet, including a section about driving.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
Guess the good news is that some (many?) new vehicles are fit now to tell us on our cell phones exactly where they are!!!!
See article in the current AARP issue magazine for Dec/Jan, page 10, titled "Phone, where's my car" to tell you about available apps. There are some for both android and for iphone.
Go online and type in the same statement: "Phone, where's my Car" and you can read all about all the available apps online.
My uncle with dementia should have had his license and car retired but his children didn't do it and one random day he ran a red light and got T-boned on the passenger side, killing his wife of 60+ years (and a 2x cancer survivor). The innocent victims in the other vehicle were thankfully not seriously injured.
Also, my friend's Mom in California (who "still drove safely independently") got lost on the way to the vet to retrieve her daughter's dog (a familiar route) and got lost for 14 hours... she didn't even think to stop and call the police. Just kept driving and frantically talking to her daughter on the phone who was in Central America.
Please please do what you know is right and stop him from driving immediately. It may feel hard at first but then it will get better once he accepts it (and you stay firm).
Regarding getting a new vehicle (as in not previously owned): all new cars have way more technology in them. This alone will stymie him, and probably you as well.
Getting lost is bad enough but having an accident is far worse.
Driving for a person who has dementia is a bad idea all around.
Your husband has dementia and isn’t thinking rationally. My question to you is, ‘What is your excuse for considering that he should buy a new car to drive?’
Do yourself, your husband and all other drivers that will be sharing the same roads with him a favor and come up with excuses not to buy a new car.
I have been hit by an elderly driver who had dementia. She caused a lot of damage to my car. The truly sad part is that this person’s daughter allowed her mom to drive her child to preschool.
I was the unfortunate person sharing a parking lot with this woman as I was dropping off my child at preschool.
She tried to hit and run. She tried lying to the police who made out the report. She got furious and yelled at me because she said that I was keeping her from her stuffed peppers that she left baking in the oven! She yelled at the cop.
It wasn’t a great day for me or the woman who was driving the other car. I’m quite sure that her daughter was sorry that she allowed her mom to drive.
I found out that after the accident her daughter didn’t allow her mother to drive her child to preschool any longer. Her daughter’s insurance did pay for the repairs to my badly damaged car.
I have a popular small suv and I swear every other one is the same color as mine . I’ve been parked next to one that looks identical to mine more than once when I came out of a store . I think I may put a ribbon on my roof rack .
I've temporarily spaced out where I parked in a crowded parking lot (that even happened on rare occasion 30 years ago when I was 56), but I've learned to pay closer attention when I park. It hasn't happened recently.
I was recently in an accident, not my fault, yet the insurance company had my doctor confirm that I was of sound mind and he tested my reflexes, everything was Aok. I am 76 and I don't blame them.
If your husband has an accident that is his fault you could lose everything.
And God forbid he hits and kills someone. Do you not realize that if the courts find out that he's been diagnosed with dementia and you let him continue to drive that you both could lose everything you own in a major lawsuit? Is it really worth taking that kind of chance?
Almost nothing gets me as fired up as when a person continues to let their loved one drive when they have dementia. It so very irresponsible!
I do hope that you will rethink this nonsense and do what's best for all the innocent people on the roadways.
He is apparently alone driving, so nobody KNOWS he is driving safely (or not)....until a tragedy happens. This is not good.
From the OPs profile:
I am caring for my husband Steve, who is 71 years old, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, and stroke.
Dementia isn’t only memory loss. It’s inability to judge distances, or having to think about what STOP means, or if you have to turn right at the corner to get to the drugstore but you don’t remember the word drugstore at the moment or what a Walgreens means. A dementia patient faces these things every day and you will have no idea what is in his head until someone calls and tells you his car is parked in their driveway and your husband, who doesn’t know them, is acting confused. (This happened in my community several months ago.)
Never underestimate dementia. I’m sure you wish to go on as if husband is fine and only has a little memory issue. But you can’t. Your life is different now.
Very sorry.
If your husband can not find his car then he should not be driving.
If your husband has been diagnosed with dementia AND it is a confirmed diagnosis and it is in his medical records he should NOT be driving...period..end of discussion.
If he were in an accident does not matter if he caused it or not if it is discovered..and it would be..that he has dementia there is a good chance that he (read you as well) would be sued and most likely you would lose everything. I say you would probably be sued as well since you knowingly allowed him to drive after getting a diagnosis of dementia.
I am guessing that YOU will be getting a new car and he will be driving it. The reason I say that is because with dementia he really, legally can not enter into a contract.
Please do not allow him to drive.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet to learn all about dementia. Lots of Do's and Don't tips for dealing with dementia sufferers are suggested in the booklet, including a section about driving.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck.
Reading your profile and your worries about finances and caregiving, why are you buying a new car.
And should your husband with dementia, incontinence and memory loss still be driving?
Most parking lots have signage that you can note (aisle A row 3).
Or you can take a picture of the location of the car relative to the store.
See article in the current AARP issue magazine for Dec/Jan, page 10, titled "Phone, where's my car" to tell you about available apps. There are some for both android and for iphone.
Go online and type in the same statement: "Phone, where's my Car" and you can read all about all the available apps online.