My sister [& I] are dealing with her husband, a dear man, who required placement into a memory unit 3 weeks ago. He is otherwise healthy but has dementia and had started wandering at night. At age 80, my sister just can't cope with the lack of sleep caused by this. When living at their actual house of 50 years, he would tell my sister he wanted to go "home", not his childhood home, but the house he had lived in elsewhere in town. This house does not exist. So...he didn't recognize his actual house of 50 years. He also wanted to see his real wife not his actual wife who he knew but didn't recognize as his wife. Now he is in the memory unit and still wants to go to his home and see his wife. So, no change but we think he is dwelling on this more than prior to going to the memory unit. He packs his suitcase then it has to be unpacked, etc.
We know there is an adjustment period when these folks are moved to a different environment. You just hate to know there is any worsened level of distress this poor guy has to experience. He's still has enough cognition to recognize he is losing cognition. I can't imagine what it is like to suspect you are literally losing your mind.
In these days of COVID19, we can't directly talk with him so it's further complicated by that fact. Hard to get a handle on what's being done to help him adjust except to realize the staff certainly has experience with this common problem. My sister is there now trying to find who to speak with about the situation.
Any feedback on other demented people's adjustments to nursing home or memory unit?
Does your BIL have hobbies? Does he have any favorite reading materials, word puzzles, tv shows . . . things he enjoyed before his confusion became more pronounced? Familiar objects and habits may provide some comfort.
I help my mom with her transitions (from various facilities, and even from the increased moodiness/confusion she experiences when her meds are adjusted) by making sure she has access to things she likes(or rather, things she used to like). Favorite movies, snacks - she has some stuffed animals, blankets and wall art that bring her comfort. A favorite robe hangs near her bed - sometimes she sleeps with it against her cheek.
The cell phone has been a lifeline for both of us. No need to bother staff when I can call directly. Her phone is programmed so she only has to press 1 button to make/receive calls - I'm the only number listed in her contacts, so no 911, 411, etc. calls. I try to calm her or reorient her, it works sometimes. I also learned about Teepa Snow from this forum, she's such a valuable resource.
Transitions are painful under normal circumstances. The pandemic adjustments can make them feel brutal. Sending warm thoughts to you and sis and bil.
I might also see how he's doing with the staff. If he's unduly anxious, I'd inquire about medication to help him if he's depressed or overly anxious.
I know one place where you can send daily emails and the staff print them out and provide them to the residents. So, cute pictures, personal messages, night be welcomed, in some cases.
I will add that when my LO went to MC from a regular AL, she seemed to relax and fit in right away. It was almost that she sensed that she was safe there, with people who would care for her. Plus, the other residents were like her and she didn't seem intimidated. At the regular AL, she was scared and nervous, because, there wasn't enough structure, she couldn't remember names and things just went right over her head. In MC, it was on her level and more basic. She improved greatly in that environment.
I hope things do settle down.
A resident can be spoken with at the MC.........either get him a phone for his room or call the nurse's station and ask to speak with the resident directly. Just b/c there's a visiting ban right now does not mean your sister cannot even speak with her husband!
Adjustment to the new place can take months; some adjust more easily than others. Rely on the staff to do their best to help him, and on his doctor to recognize his anxiety or OCD tendencies and to prescribe medication to help him. Go to Alzheimers.org and read all about the issues your BIL is suffering from. Teepa Snow also has some great videos on YouTube to help you both learn all about dementia and how best to deal with it.
Good luck!