My mom just turned 79 on Christmas Eve. Two weeks prior she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. She has several other medical conditions that impact her health, however she’s a funny, smart and independent woman. She lives in a cottage in our backyard— 20 feet from my back door. On December 29 around midnight I get a call from her cell phone-no one is on the other end. Obviously I’m running to her cottage while trying to determine what’s wrong. I open her door and she’s on the floor screaming in agony—she stood up from bed to go to the bathroom and her leg gave out. She fell. Fast forward to the ER—findings are a brain bleed and hip fracture. She is admitted to Neuro ICU—the main focus isn’t the hip but the brain bleed. She’s highly medicated with Dilauded, Oxy and muscle relaxers. Anything to keep the hip pain at bay. Fast forward to the 30th after lunch-brain bleed is stable and she’s cleared for surgery on her hip. In the midst of all of this my funny, intelligent and very “with it” mom becomes very detached. She sees things on the walls, wants me to call her parents, she hears a code blue(which did happen in the room next to hers) and she starts crying because she thinks she had something to do with it. There is more, but it was very scary. She goes into surgery and after she got to her room she was almost catatonic. She would fall asleep, but with her eyes open. She wouldn’t or couldn’t verbally communicate. She would move her lips a bit, but nothing wound come out. I know logically it’s the medicine, anesthesia and being 79 after a traumatic experience. Her neurologist promises the CT scan of her brain looks good. I finally left the hospital late last night—the nurses promising to call me if anything happens—I really needed some sleep. Now that I’ve caught you up…how have you kept your spiraling at bay? I’m a worst case scenario kind of girl—because the worst case has happened to me and my family more than once. I have an amazing support system—thank goodness. Has your loved one reacted this way? Any words of wisdom? Logically, I know, more than likely, this delirium will retreat over the next few days. Right now at 4:40 AM EST-I’m on a cliff of sadness and fear. What do you do during these moments? I’ve already found comfort in this group—thank you for all of you who post. They say it takes a village—right now, you are mine.
Best of luck to you.
I would listen to her docs. But ask them to check for a UTI, which can cause weird behavioral symptoms.
To keep from spiraling, I found meditation, sleep and lots of deep breathing (sometimes coupled with crying in my car after visits) all helped.
(((Hugs)))
I've had to manage so many family members that I've already come to grips with the fact that no one gets to stay here forever, no one really controls how their exit goes. Count your Mom's blessings for her: that she got to live to 79, she got to live next door to a sweet and attentive daughter like you, and she now gets to have a loving and capable daughter overseeing her recovery. Many, many elders never get this or anything even close to this.
My sweet MIL (who was bedridden in LTC for the last 7 years) passed away sort of unexpectedly the Sunday before Christmas. Because Jesus was her Lord and Savior, we were sad but not crushed because she was released from her declining body. Death doesn't have the final say.
I wish you wisdom, faith and peace in your heart as you move through your Mom's new journey.
By that I mean a back up plan and a support system.
Obviously (I hope) mom will go to rehab after the fracture is repaired. That should give you a good indication what the next steps should be.
If her home, your cottage close by, is not handicap accessible will she be able to return home?
If not what are the next steps. (Your home or a facility)
Would she be able to manage on her own? (caregivers?)
With the Parkinson's she will have more problems as the Parkinson's progresses.
Please talk to Social Workers at the hospital. Or discharge planners they can help you find a rehab for mom.
Talk to the doctors and Physical Therapists and ask them to be very clear with you what they think the outcome will be.
Allow yourself to take a breath
You can manage this. Trust me, "we" are far stronger than we think we are.
First of all I sympathize: my partner of nearly 40 years, in October suffered a massive stroke--a clot in his MCA. Long story short, he got to stroke center in minutes, got clot busters, and they worked in hours; he was 100% back to normal. The shock of it all-- believing I'd lost him and seeing him normal hours later--. Freaky, really. As an RN I had never witnessed such a thing, seeing a huge clot on scan, so suddenly gone.
I stress the "as an RN" only because it's how I spent my career; I am two decades retired this year; things change.
Now back to YOU.
Let's start with your GOOD NEWS.
1. The CT scan shows no new bleed.
2. She came OUT of the bleed and was (as I understand it) somewhat normal after coming out of it and BEFORE surgery. That's important.
3. Number two suggests she went fuzzy before anesthesia so that this is unlikely to be anesthesia induced.
HOWEVER:
There are problems here and no one right now knows what they are.
She's a mystery. So what COULD it be?
1. An insult to the brain from the bleed which injured some brain tissue
2. Results of anesthesia
3. Results of those two things above COMBINED
4. Simple hospital psychosis which IS A THING for certain.
Now you are in a land of wait-and-see. Properly so.
That is to say you are "in the right place".
You haven't a clue.
The doctors haven't a clue.
All looks well on scans. All went well with surgery (and the anesthesiologist would have gone in with great care knowing her history, as will the surgeon).
To try to keep the anxiety at bay practice that good old Serenity prayer. There are things you can do nothing about now but wait; accept that. Stay mindful and in the day.
What TODAY can you do?
You can be there, reassure her, note changes, bid for as MUCH hospital time as you can get, be certain there is as GOOD a rehab as they can get her to, reassure her that she had what she had and is doing good and things are moving along.
Reassure yourself of the same. Rest. Eat well. Enlist HELP so you aren't there every second but someone else can be when you aren't.
Stay hopeful that this --WHATEVER IT IS--will slide away with time.
Stay vigilant to catch changes.
Stay with her much as you are able, or other family members.
As to anxiety. Of COURSE you are anxious. Who would not be.
But, when your brain goes into the circular stirring of the stew you need to stop it. A recent book looks at that habit-stirring thing that gets in your head as a kind of worry-monster in your head that keeps repeating crap over and over.
It won't leave. It's a kind of ancient friendly monster there because humans learned to SURVIVE by worrying and planning. Acknowledge it. WELCOME it. Make a picture of him (Maurice Sendak made great monsters). Decorate him. Calm him. Tell him "Well, here you are. Four in the morning and of course here you are. Let's go to the meadow and make you a wildflower crown. Listen, are you getting fat? You are bursting some borders I had up. Just sayin..........you seem to be repeating yourself. I get it. This is scary and I don't have an answer for you. But we are doing what we can, right?"
Don't deny him; don't even try. Just keep him on leash. Sooth him. Let him know you appreciate him, but you need rest. Do a movie you love in your head; I do Enchanted April of Room With a View. But don't let him take over your life. You and he are in this together right now. Let him make the popcorn. I named mine Willem the Worry Monster. I hope he leaves soon but right now make up the guest room for him.
I can't tell you how much LUCK I wish for you and your mom.
PLEASE update us because I will be thinking of you.
Prayer and worship is what works for me to keep me focused on the One who is in control of it all. And knowing that God will never leave us nor forsake us is such great news for you and your mom, as He is right by your sides.
Your mom has been through a lot and it will take some time for her reach her new normal, and you worrying or fretting about things will not change a darn thing. So just be there for her and support her best you can, and know that she now has a long road of recovery ahead.
I pray for her complete healing and for you to stay strong and positive through it all.
God bless you.
Ask yourself "what if it all works out"?
My mom suffered terribly during her last hospital stays. She was deeply depressed and weepy. I was deeply depressed and weepy. Then I just kind of detached myself from it to get thru it. Because being depressed and weepy myself wasn't helping her.
She did eventually get back to "baseline".
It's a hard time for sure. A lot of unknowns. A lot of worrying. A lot of crying. Sometimes I just had to pull a Cher from Moonstruck, mentally slap myself and say "snap out of it"!
There is a skill in dbt therapy called Tipp to try to interrupt a spiral....that I pasted below
"If you feel a strong wave coming all over you and you don't know how to deal with it, this technique will help you. Usually, when people find themselves in situations like this, their ability to think clearly is diminished - you are not centered in your wise mind, but in your emotional mind. TIPP is an acronym that stands for the following four steps: temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, progressive muscle relaxation"
I've never tried the temp one holding your face in ice water but the other three help. Point being to interrupt the brain pathway.
You've got this! I wish you all the best with your mom's healing and recovery. She sounds like my mom. Funny and smart and generally fun to talk to and be with. Thinking of you as you navigate this difficult time.
Funny how synchronicity works.
About a half hour ago my hubs and I were driving home from the grocery store.
I've been having problems with anxiety lately and he asked me how I was doing
since I just stopped taking my anti depressant about 6 days ago.
I'll say to you what I just told him. Controlling my thoughts. That's how I get through it. I know how it goes when one anxious thought leads to another, and another and before you know it you are in a full blown panic attack. The only way I get through that is to stop the thoughts. As soon as I think something that I know is going to make me anxious I just try to replace it with a soothing thought.
Something like "God doesn't want me to worry"or "Thinking this isn't going to change anything"
I know this probably sounds trite. But sometimes simplicity is the best.
Be in the moment. That's how you prevent thoughts from spiraling. I pray that all works out for you and your mom.
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