How to prepare for the death of a husband?

Think you've had some fantastic ideas! A cat would be company without the need for walks, Your list to help reduce seclusion is a great one too - being deaf I tend to avoid social situations now I must admit.

The bills in his name can be dealt with via death certificate - you need to think how many you might need as they charge more if order a further amount after. I had 20 and think there were 3 that I didn’t use,

Thank you, everyone. I think the quietness in the house will be the hardest thing for me to deal with. Right now, I’m always listening for him to move or call out. I thought I might get a cat from a shelter to help me through it when the time comes. I prefer cats to dogs, although I enjoy watching videos with cute dogs...

I’ve also started thinking about what I would like to do outside the house and making a list for later reference because I tend to seclude myself unless I have someone to go out and do something with. If I can look at the list, it might help me get out. But I know that I will need to take it slow and not force myself to be “normal,” whatever that might be. It might just be a reminder to walk to the park or go horseback riding, which I would like to get back into.

On a more practical side, I realized some of the house bills are still on his name and I need to switch them over. I’ll try to do that, if possible. Sometimes they require his authorization, which is tricky.

He‘s been telling me that he is dying for 5 years now. I’m finally starting to believe him.

I don’t think you can really prepare. My husband was sick for well over a year and knew he would die. We had plans in place, made visits, etc. But the day he died I felt like I had been hit by a train. The grief is overwhelming. It ebbs, then comes back. It’s been almost 18 months and sometimes feels like yesterday. I’ve gone to grief support group, therapy and back to work full time. Work has been difficult. We worked Together in our own accounting firm and even though it’s work, now it’s lonely at times. I sold our home of 37 years and a new condo. I moved two weeks ago. Lots to do, so that’s been good. I’ve gone out on a couple of dates. I’m not interested but they were nice men and I appreciated being asked. I do church activities.

Consider the informal group at the library, the restaurant, the garden shops - places he may not even have been in a long time. Or - places you have not been in a long time.
I'm learning fast to think about this group over the next few months. Some I don't mind sharing with, but others whom I've encountered, I prefer not to. I'm just careful what I tell some people.

If you must pick up any of his possessions or return anything rented or borrowed on his behalf that can be unsettling.

I started contacting those who will need to know before I have the death certificates. They will be ready for you. Some will send claim forms etc. right away so you don't have to call again. You will have the addresses of whom/where to send documents.

If you don't already have a bulletin board, buy a small board. Keep a pad of sticky notes nearby so when things come up you can tack a note/reminder to yourself. When one task is done, pull that note off the board to make room for a new note.

All but one time while with friends, I felt better. The one night we went to a movie at the last minute, I had more less settled myself in and got ready to read a magazine. The short, mostly mindless stories that don't require a whole lot of thinking. But I like my friends so went out anyway. I just didn't get much out of the movie.

No mater what you think you are ready for...you will get kicked in the gut!
My Husband was on Hospice for 3 years. I watched him decline over 12 years. I was ready! I read pamphlets. I knew what to expect. I had the loving support of a great Hospice team. But I was not prepared for the emotions that came over me that morning 3 years ago! (2 years 362 days)
I was lucky in that I was able to keep him home, keep him comfortable. I was unprepared for the SILENCE of the house afterwards. The bed, that seemed to make so much noise previously was silent. As a matter of fact I turned it on just to hear the noise.

You may feel relief. If so it is relief for him not for you. and because of the feelings of relief ....
You may feel guilty. Don't
You may feel anger. That's fine just don't turn the anger on yourself. You know you did everything that you could.

There is no way to predict how you should feel, how you will feel.
There is no time line on grief.
This is not something that you "get over" you "go through" it.
Everyone has their own way to grieve.
I friend of mine, her husband died over 9 years ago. She still breaks down every time she starts talking about him. There are places they wanted to go as a couple and she will not go to any of them because he is not there.
Me..it has been 3 years, I occasionally break down but I do talk about my Husband, it keeps him with me. (and I see him in my Grandson and it makes me smile) There are places we wanted to go and I plan on going just so I can honor what he/we wanted to do.

There is a quote that relates to military but it is true for all....
A soldier dies twice, once on the battlefield and once again when they are forgotten. When we lay a wreath on the grave of a fallen soldier we say their name so they are never forgotten.

Go easy on yourself.
Don't make any major changes for a while.
Find a good Bereavement group if you need one. Go even if you don't think you do. If nothing else it will give you something to do and you will meet people that KNOW what you are going through.

And you are going to find out that you are a lot stronger than you thought you were.

Hearing is the last sense to go so he might still get it - think of the people who listen to hypnotism tapes whilst they sleep 🤷‍♂️

There is one thing otherwise - be kind to yourself during this time and after
so what if the dishes aren’t done at the usual time
take time out for you - nature always helps me - a walk by the shore, watch a sunrise/sunset, gardening - whatever gives you that quiet moment for yourself
dont “beat yourself up” mentally over little things
look after yourself - do some meals ready in the freezer for those days you might not feel like cooking but can warm something up.

However much you prepare you are never quite ready.
I’d focus on quality time with him now - laughter or smiles at least, words you want to say to him before he goes.
Id rather do that than spend the time left preparing for after.