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How to explain to police that woman with dementia is violent (biting, wielding knives, etc.) and tells lies about being abused. The abuse is actually from her. False arrests.
Dear BeFreeAtLast. I guess I'm one of the crazies - Western medicine is definitely what I want if I'm having a heart attack or a broken bone, but in general, I feel that "let food be your medicine" is very important. I'm sending you a link to a site for a documentary about a program that cured at least 1 person of type 1 diabetes and several with type 2 diabetes utilizing a program of raw and living food. rawfor30days/themovie.html Everything is done in this retreat center under medical supervision.
Yes and its horrible! I had to call for help for my husband twice and both times the police where very professional and did not believe anything he was telling them. Thank- God. I think he could have killed me and would not be aware. After a stay in a dementia unit (twice) and some medications he is manageable.
What a person eats will NOT CURE Type 1 Diabetes. It can keep a Type 2 in the 'normal' range. I can test Normal (Type 2) but I will NOT test normal if given a glucose tollerance test. I can be in control by eating right & exercizing. That works for Type 2. My pancreas still makes insulin. Type 1 does not make insulin. The pump has been awesome for many, but it is not a cure & neither is what a Type 1 eats!
Yes, you are correct - nothing "cures" diabetes, but the raw food diet did put at least one case of type 1 into remission. Please check out the movie "Simply Raw: Reversing Diabetes in 30 Days" One of the participants in the documentary was type 1 brittle diabetic. He no longer needs insulin. I do understand the dynamics of the pancreas not making insulin. Diabetes runs on both sides of my family, along with juvenile diabetes. If you are interested in the process, it will explain the entire program and the results for the type 1. participant.
To Bloujeanbaby's response. Thank You. I was destroyed. I did everything to protect myself. Video taped took picturs, I informed everyone, including the police, APS, etc. She got away with the lies due to a corrupt legal system that is thriving on false arrests. Not only is it political in nature, judges, attorneys, ect, but the financial reward money trail is long. I have a book due out next week. I would like all of you to read what is happening to family caregivers that is not making the news. It will SHOCK all of you. Thanks for all of your stories. We must share our stories in order to keep the caregivers safe.
Response to pamstegman. Well, there is always one in the batch with a comment like yours. Expected. Of course 911 was called. Police officers were called and spoke to numerous times. The LAW allows an elderly person to do as they please. They do not have to see a doctor, they can refuse medical attention, they can walk on the roof, as was the case here. The woman can "play" with knives. They can not eat. But, smarty pants, if they call the police and complain (LIE) the caregiver can be arrested for elder abuse. Maybe you need counseling on the facts of the law.
sherry1anne, I respectfully decline to agree with you at ALL regarding anything, short of successful islet cell transplanting (which is not yet happening and approved) for curing TYPE 1 diabetes. My son, an athlete who played college football, was diagnosed at 22. He had spinal meningitis as a baby, which the doctors believe triggered the autoimmune response later in life. All three of my children, who are adults, have autoimmune disease/disorders and the common thread is that both parents have a recessive mutant gene. The diabetes is not what runs in the family - it is autoimmune disease that does. Type 2 can be controlled with diet and exercise/lifestyle changes. ANY information that indicates or implies that Type 1 can be cured by diet or anything other than insulin therapy is incorrect and dangerous to share. Diet and exercise is very important to Type 1's but it will never eliminate the need for insulin therapy. NEVER.
Off topic again, sorry this is about type 1 diabetes. My son was diagnosed at 18 so we have something tragic in common. But there is hope for Type 1s getting off insulin. Human trials have been approved for an "anti-vaccine." It's a shot given periodically that may some day turn off the attacking white blood cells that attack the islets of langenhorn as though they were foreign bodies like a bacteria. There is a privately held company in Southern California that is proceeding with this, but I think that the original research came out of Stanford. A little over a year ago, Stanford put out a press release on this. There is no promise for immediate relief, but I still live in hope for my son, for something before .... well, you know what I'm thinking.
Venting on topic. My husband's father's widow always treated his children like dirt (even though they were adults when father and stepmother met and married and even though their mother had been dead for five years). Now she has Alzheimer's dementia, which has made a nasty person nastier. She tells people lies about my husband and yet demands loyalty and service as though she used to change my husband's diapers. H*ll, she didn't even change his father's diapers when He was dying. My husband and his sister (the co-dependents in a family otherwise peopled by narcissists and borderline) treat her as though she was their mother. I just can't stand it. She has accused innocent people of theft - my recently widowed sister-in-law. I thank God she has already been a little afraid of me because I am, as she says, "smart." Smart enough not to go clean her house so she can then tell everyone she knows I was stealing crap from he, as she did with my husband's brother' widow. To all the people out there caring for people who were loving parents once: bad people get dementia too and are not improved. I refuse to be with her or in her house without witnesses. I wish my husband would do the same. The witnesses are not so had FOR US to arrange -- she always seems to have a caregiver with her or an attorney she would like to think of her as her boyfriend. The last time the widowed sister-in-law saw her, she'd come to clean her house and was not allowed entry until the caregiver arrived. The latest on the attorney: he killed her cat, he stole her comic books, and he wants to steal her wine cellar. Yet she insists on coming to my daughter's wedding even though she will later find some imagined slight (e.g. birthday cake and gift not fine enough -- in 30 years, she never gave my husband or his sister a gift that didn't either come from them in the first place or from Goodwill).
I have seen there are recording devices that look like pens or key fobs and are under $100. Some were less than 50. Some sites have buyer reviews which I found helpful. Yes, most of us that have cell phones can easily record audio. Video can be less covert. Cell phones are handy in a pinch.
Destroyed, I have to say Pam Stegman has a point here. Are you saying that the police refused to believe your report of being attacked? Of course people are allowed to do stupid things until declared incompetent and placed under guardianship - the police know that. But this is the first I've heard that they are legally allowed to actually threaten bodily harm or death to anyone. You are saying the police told you that the laws don't apply to them? But I have to agree with Pam...at the point you're at, why are you still there? This woman is obviously dangerous, should be institutionalized appropriately, and enabling her staying out of an institution is not responsible. By all means, document, call the cops, warn APS, call the Health Department and stay well clear. Accusations of abuse are very dangerous - such a report could be computerized, filed and years later come to light. Meanwhile, nothing is done by the police to verify that accusation is false so how could the victim of a false accusation protect themselves? I've had to clear up such long paper trails at work and believe me it is a mess. .Do not let accusations go unchallenged - get verification on paper that you are innocent and have nothing more to do with the accuser. It is just too risky.
People, many of you are missing a major aspect of protecting yourself while caring for a parent with dementia/Alzheimer's. Elders are protected, by law, in every way, you as a caregiver are not. You can not MAKE an elder to a doctor. That is their right. They can refuse medical attention. The elder can refuse absolutely anything concerning their health or for that matter how dangerously they choose to live. However, a caregiver can be arrested for not providing them proper supervision in all aspects of their daily living. If they choose to lie, their word trumps yours. Also, as in several cases, the videos were not accepted in court. That is a Judge's call. No it is not legal, but it is happening. People also say to speak with the Alzheimer's association. That was done as well. The Alzheimer's association is well aware of what is happening concerning false allegations but choose to keep this information out of the programs they offer. They do not want to educate caregivers about how to protect themselves, legally. Flat out denied to give lectures to help caregivers by the head of The Alzheimer's Association. Conflict of interest was the reason given. What that means, for them (the association) they would be jeopardizing the vast amount of money funneled through funding and grants as well as kickbacks from elder abuse arrests, INCLUDING FALSE ACCUSATIONS.
I knew a woman, an employee caregiver, who went to jail and was in danger of losing her legal resident status on account of supposed harm done to the person she was caring for. Guilty or innocent? At the time I spoke with her, I had no doubt she must have done something. But older and wiser me would have had second, third and fourth thoughts.
call the sheriffs office in advance and ask a notation be placed on behalf of your household concerning dementia . i had deputys walk into my bedroom one night cause mom couldnt find me and panicked . with a little different tale i could have been police dog bit or shot right in my own bed . the previously called in notation no doubt diffused the crazy claims mom was making . once when i went to va mom started telling my relief girl that i was bleeding out in a hospital somewhere . crazy stuff goes thru a demented mind and i think youd better take proactive steps to protect yourself ..
Again, you can not make an elderly person go to the doctor. It is the law. Again, police were involved and told of the dementia. Videos and pictures were taken. Unfortunately, the legal system IS corrupt. False arrests for elder abuse is a "Big Money" maker for the state, city, judges, attorneys and all the various "programs associated with the arrests. Government funding is fueling all of the "witch hunt" tactics. Whether or not you believe it, the "false accusation" cases are growing in number rapidly. Who knows, you may be next.
No one is living in the house with the woman, to answer PamStegman. Police were made aware of bite marks (visible and documented with pictures and affidavits by neighbors) inflicted by the woman with dementia as well as the fact the woman has hepatitis C (major health concern as well as transferrable). I just brought up a subject that I believed everyone in this forum should have a dialogue about and be aware of how the legal system is responding to ALLEDGED "elder abuse" cases. Apparently, there are people who choose to skirt the main focus of the issue brought up. Suggesting counseling for the caregiver, because PamStegman thinks the caregiver is an enabler and a glass of wine to be given to a person with dementia (another one of her posts) by PamStegman just shows somebody not in touch with reality. I pray for the innocent caregivers to never have this type of thinking of a prospective juror in any of the innocent caregiver's cases.
Destroyed - You are correct, there exists a witch hunt. My local APS sees for profit caregiving organizations reporting family as job security ( they MUST investigate). I could not agree with you more regarding the oppression of caregivers and family caregivers in particular. Machiavelli school of business to divide and conquer - divide the elder from their family in order to get at the elder's life savings. It's all about the money & God bless them real hard for their wickedness. The delusional and vulnerable elders don't understand that often they are rejecting and falsely accusing the only individuals that actually have their best interest in mind. Undue influence from parties of questionable character are often the cause. These are the same parties that stand to profit from the crucifixion of the family caregiver. That said - there is a 50/50 rule used by police departments which states that any individual who is a threat to themselves or others can be hospitalized for 3 days observation to determine competence/threat. If this helps at all....
Surely the money motive can't be significant? Isn't it that people in general, and those in the helping professionals in particular, want to find victims and help them? And these helpers can be naive, oh, so naive. I have the helping mentality myself and I have been an idiot for 25 years (bragging here, maybe more years of idiocy than 25). In the effort to be kind to someone who is pathetic and asking for help, it's tempting to look for fault. If the cop or social worker can't find someone to blame, they can't "close the case." Old age makes people uncomfortable -- we are reminded that we all will grow old, maybe some of us will have dementia, all of us will die and it will probably be expensive, lonely, and painful no matter how nice or un-nice we were before. If someone can be found to blame, how much more comfortable is that? Then the cops and social workers can feel that everything is for the best in this best of all possible worlds, God's in his heaven, and they can go about their business. We all want to be the like the ploughman in the Hieronymous Bosch painting who doesn't see Daedalus falling to his death in the background of the painting because the wax on his wings melted when he flew too near the sun.
BeFree, I agree with you, there is a fair bit of knight-in-shining-armour type wishful thinking going on. But the money motive: well, I agree it's not the main idea, but people do need to justify their salaries, don't they. The less anxiety about elder abuse there is, then the more "society" will look at these professionals and wonder what they're for.
In my fairly varied experience of social workers - though I speak as someone who's never felt under suspicion, so I don't suppose I've seen the ugliest side - the ones who've been doing the job for long are wise, proportionate, cautious and realistic. They can still start out a case seeming rather gullible, but that's because when they receive a report of abuse they have to approach it on the basis that it's true. After all, if you investigate something assuming that it's all nonsense, how hard are you going to look at it?
Then there are the trainees and the recent graduates - oh boy! They have a lot to learn and, like medical students, very vivid imaginations. Fortunately, they are most unlikely to be making any major decisions.
To momsgirl12: Anger and fury I do not have. I don't, never did and for you to assume so is wrong. Assumption on many people, is part (if not all) of the problem. When people ASSUME things, that is the where reality and truth gets lost. Try disbelief in a legal system, try empathy for all the true ones suffering from not only the disease, but those caring for them. There is no fury. My heavens, maybe you feel that, but don't try to say what I feel. By trying to validate your beliefs and trying to make them mine makes no sense. I have written to inform caregivers of what can happen to them, by the legal system, when caring for a loved one. Also I might add, for comments such as "give an aggressive somewhat violent person with dementia a glass of wine", and responding how absurd that is, is not coming from a place of anger or fury. I am shocked and in disbelief. Big difference. We are all entitled to our opinions, thank heavens. Education is what is important. Without educating ourselves and seeing other perspectives, we can not continue to grow and get out of a "follow the leader" mentality. How many CEOs of corporations have you personally gone to and asked why they refuse to allow a person (with first hand experiences dealing with the legal system and many of the geriatric associations avenues available) to offer education to caregivers about the consequences (legal) of caring for a loved one in their home? My heart comes from compassion, not anger. Your assumptions are terribly wrong and I feel sorry for you. Truly. Generally one who speaks about anger and my heavens fury (wow a very powerful word), is the one who has labeled themselves and THEIR feelings. We have NO connection what so ever with those words and their meanings. I do not share your feelings. There is nothing wrong with you having those feelings, but do not ASSUME what feelings you have are in any way connected to me or other people. We all different and unique people who process emotions and feelings differently. People are far to quick to judge others. Look at how many people are in jail or prison in the U.S. More than ANY other country in the world. Many people have died from false accusations. My heavens, step back and read YOUR words and advice. You are expressing your anger, fury and judgment call on me. We all need to unite and share experiences NOT JUDGE, and NOT give ill advice that is potentially dangerous such as the wine for aggressive dementia people. Take care and I wish you well.
destroyed, nowhere in this post or elsewhere did I suggest giving her wine when she is waving a knife at you. I said call 911. Gosh golly, get some meds and some counseling. You are in a bad way, really burned out. So Sorry.
destroyed, whoever told you that it is a bad thing to be angry when you should be? really, "be angry but do not sin" means you may feel anger but then you can still choose to do the right thing.
the only thing wrong in your posts is that actually APS is not a for-profit agency at all - they have overworked staff and don't get extra $$ for bigger caseloads, plus if an elder or anyone is judged legally incompetent, they can be placed under guardianship.
I'm guessing you don't have the video that would show that woman with dementia is the one who has crossed the line, and that has got to be very upsetting. I would not think to sit in judgement of you for a second, though I would out of compassion worry that you aren't allowing yourself to feel what anyone in your situation might feel!
here's the thing though - you apparently wanted to offer an educational seminar based on your experiences, to teach other caregivers something.
that could be awesome, as long as the message is not just that the system is bad and home caregiving should not be done :-0 but how to protect yourself and what to watch for and what to document, and why and what kind of problems can arise that you might least expect as a would-be caregiver.
If you want to set the police against you from the outset, give them attitude.
If you want to make the CEO's of leading organisations refuse you a platform to share your experience, come across as paranoid.
Destroyed, I've read back over all the posts because I couldn't get why you were so convinced that the system is so conspiratorial. I think your experiences have driven you mad. Having no co-operation or help with a relative who is demented, psychotic or both must be maddening. Finding that her accusations are acted on without verification - sorry, that's the law! It's there to protect people who otherwise have been historically disbelieved, such as abused children, rape victims, and the vulnerable elderly - must have been even more so. But it's equally apparent that you wasted time and effort berating the police instead of listening to them. The police do insist that you follow the rules before they can help you. Unfair, perhaps; annoying, certainly; sometimes a frustrating waste of time; but nevertheless true.
So what's the state of play now? Where do you want to go from here?
To country mouse: Name appropriate. I feel sorry for you. Enough said. Police have no training in Alzheimer's. Police have minimal education. President Obama upheld court rulings (Supreme) that police department can and DO refuse applicants with HIGH IQs. What is yours country mouse.
destroyed, there is no reason to start slamming other writers here. This forum is opened to everyone to give their *opinion* and to help out with what they found work well for them. If you don't like what someone says, simple just skip over it and move onto the next posting.
If everyone thought the same way, these forum/blog websites would no longer exist.
destroyed, curious how does the police department know someone has a high IQ since the police departments don't give applicants IQ tests? Applicants take a personality profile/skills assessment tests.
I realized there was an article over a decade ago regarding someone in Connecticut claiming he was turned down because he was too smart. Being smart on paper isn't the same as being street smart.
Thank you Vstefans. My only intent is and has been to INFORM caregivers of the law and how to protect themselves. My heavens, everyone has exploded in their retaliation of what I have exposed and wanted to HELP caregivers be aware of. Personally, I always want to be informed as to is happening in the world around me. I do not live in my own space, to do so would jeopardize me intellectually and limit my abilities to help others be aware of things, events, laws, etc. that they may not be aware of. Every day should be a day of learning and helping others. There is so much hostility on this forum. There are people who apparently can not remember what they post either. Pamstegman has opened up a can of worms on herself. My guess, onset dementia. There is documented proof from agingcare.com. of her responses that are questionable advise. Yes Pam you suggested wine for an aggressive dementia person. I print out all comments that are disturbing as well as the most helpful. This forum is for us to share and help each other. I do not write without absolute documentation. Well, with all the hostility from the uninformed and don't want to be informed crowd, so be it. We all can have a voice and are entitled to our own opinions. Thank the LORD. Most intelligent people seeking answers, want to learn from others more enlightened. I do. We are all smart in our own way. It is about SHARING our experiences, in a KIND way. We can all learn from each other. Think about it, would you want your child to be "educated" by some one not above average. Unfortunately "average" in America is low on the totem pole in the world. Yes, there is proof in that statement. Where is the kindness? Where is the compassion? I thought that in my lifetime, I would see women finally unite. Men will continue to rule the world because too many women will NOT get off of their own "soap box" , self serving agenda. My gosh, women want to be RIGHT in their own opinion, hell or high water. To be heard and have a voice is one thing, but to demand to be "RIGHT" about whatever (and everything) as to their own personal agenda is, ridiculous. This forum is here to HELP each other. My heavens, stop the hostility.
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That is their right. They can refuse medical attention. The elder can refuse absolutely anything concerning their health or for that matter how dangerously they choose to live. However, a caregiver can be arrested for not providing them proper supervision in all aspects of their daily living. If they choose to lie, their word trumps yours. Also, as in several cases, the videos were not accepted in court. That is a Judge's call. No it is not legal, but it is happening. People also say to speak with the Alzheimer's association. That was done as well. The Alzheimer's association is well aware of what is happening concerning false allegations but choose to keep this information out of the programs they offer. They do not want to educate caregivers about how to protect themselves, legally. Flat out denied to give lectures to help caregivers by the head of The Alzheimer's Association. Conflict of interest was the reason given. What that means, for them (the association) they would be jeopardizing the vast amount of money funneled through funding and grants as well as kickbacks from elder abuse arrests, INCLUDING FALSE ACCUSATIONS.
The delusional and vulnerable elders don't understand that often they are rejecting and falsely accusing the only individuals that actually have their best interest in mind. Undue influence from parties of questionable character are often the cause. These are the same parties that stand to profit from the crucifixion of the family caregiver.
That said - there is a 50/50 rule used by police departments which states that any individual who is a threat to themselves or others can be hospitalized for 3 days observation to determine competence/threat. If this helps at all....
In my fairly varied experience of social workers - though I speak as someone who's never felt under suspicion, so I don't suppose I've seen the ugliest side - the ones who've been doing the job for long are wise, proportionate, cautious and realistic. They can still start out a case seeming rather gullible, but that's because when they receive a report of abuse they have to approach it on the basis that it's true. After all, if you investigate something assuming that it's all nonsense, how hard are you going to look at it?
Then there are the trainees and the recent graduates - oh boy! They have a lot to learn and, like medical students, very vivid imaginations. Fortunately, they are most unlikely to be making any major decisions.
People are far to quick to judge others. Look at how many people are in jail or prison in the U.S. More than ANY other country in the world. Many people have died from false accusations. My heavens, step back and read YOUR words and advice. You are expressing your anger, fury and judgment call on me.
We all need to unite and share experiences NOT JUDGE, and NOT give ill advice that is potentially dangerous such as the wine for aggressive dementia people. Take care and I wish you well.
Gosh golly, get some meds and some counseling. You are in a bad way, really burned out. So Sorry.
the only thing wrong in your posts is that actually APS is not a for-profit agency at all - they have overworked staff and don't get extra $$ for bigger caseloads, plus if an elder or anyone is judged legally incompetent, they can be placed under guardianship.
I'm guessing you don't have the video that would show that woman with dementia is the one who has crossed the line, and that has got to be very upsetting. I would not think to sit in judgement of you for a second, though I would out of compassion worry that you aren't allowing yourself to feel what anyone in your situation might feel!
that could be awesome, as long as the message is not just that the system is bad and home caregiving should not be done :-0 but how to protect yourself and
what to watch for and what to document, and why and what kind of problems can arise that you might least expect as a would-be caregiver.
If you want to make the CEO's of leading organisations refuse you a platform to share your experience, come across as paranoid.
Destroyed, I've read back over all the posts because I couldn't get why you were so convinced that the system is so conspiratorial. I think your experiences have driven you mad. Having no co-operation or help with a relative who is demented, psychotic or both must be maddening. Finding that her accusations are acted on without verification - sorry, that's the law! It's there to protect people who otherwise have been historically disbelieved, such as abused children, rape victims, and the vulnerable elderly - must have been even more so. But it's equally apparent that you wasted time and effort berating the police instead of listening to them. The police do insist that you follow the rules before they can help you. Unfair, perhaps; annoying, certainly; sometimes a frustrating waste of time; but nevertheless true.
So what's the state of play now? Where do you want to go from here?
If everyone thought the same way, these forum/blog websites would no longer exist.
I realized there was an article over a decade ago regarding someone in Connecticut claiming he was turned down because he was too smart. Being smart on paper isn't the same as being street smart.
Thank you for your sympathy. I'll take all I can get.
Just wondering: is there any person or organisation you DO approve of? Perhaps we could look to them for an example, that would be useful to know.