She has CHF, her dr. says she needs 24 hour care? She is physically capable to some degree, but very short of breath, and dementia present. She now insists on living alone after we spent a fortune on upgrading her apartment in our home. She thinks we are controlling her even though she cant remember to self medicate, when given meds, she will confront within 5 minutes that I never gave them to her at all.
Can you convince her that you need her -- that she would be doing you a favor if she stays in that apartment? (My mother finally consented to live with my sister and another sister took her aside and told her that since sister1 retired they were having trouble making their mortgage payments and needed someone to rent their extra space. Totally untrue, but it got Mom to move in.)
How would she react if you said you don't want to get into trouble for neglect by not carrying out the doctor's orders?
If you have to "force" her somewhere, it probably shouldn't be your house, for reasons Jessie shared. But if she is deemed competent to manage her own affairs, forcing her anywhere may be a real challenge. POA does not give you that power.
No one wants to admit they have lost control or are of diminished capacity. Possibly the more proud/independent/self confident an individual is to begin with, the more likely they are to fight it. We are conditioned to strive and the school of "Go peacefully into that good night" is widely rejected by our culture. Sorry, getting philosophical here but may ring true.
kewest, has your mother tried living in the apartment yet? If not, I wonder if she might consider a visit to see how it is. To move her in against her will might be setting your house up to be a living hell for you. To tell the truth, if my mother was fighting me, I wouldn't bring her into my home. I would look for a spot in assisted living. If it is better she live with you, I hope you're able to get her to move with good feelings.
You know... the more I read over the years, the more I feel like we have to beat our heads against the wall. I don't know why getting old has to be so difficult.
There are various forms of POA. Contact elder law attorney.
Join a support group and discuss issues with peers who are great resources
Her dementia will not get better. She can no longer be alone, so your options are visiting nurses and aides. If she is still social and craves company, her best option is Assisted Living
We got mom into an 80 bed ALF for under $3K a month. She has friends her own age there. She loves the day trips, she loves dining with others.
We get to sleep at night, because she is safe and never alone.