I'm retired and often interact with my 95 y.o. mother-in-law while my wife is at work. Sometimes she launches into long convoluted confabulated non-sensical tirades about her daughter (or her siblings) to me. I try to follow advice of professionals and try to redirect, ignore, or otherwise avoid trying to reason with her. That becomes difficult when she sometimes shares these false beliefs with non-family who do not understand dementia or particularly hers. She does not have a previous history (before dementia became obvious) of telling untruths to anyone much less non-family members and as is true with delusional thinking could easily convince the unwary that her false narratives are true. She now blames her deceased husband for every difficulty she has from her hearing loss to her now poorer health. He has been gone for 3 years now and was in assisted living/nursing home for nearly 7 years prior to that. To top it off she blames my wife, her daughter, who provides her breakfast and most meals before work and checks on her every evening after 12 hours of work, plus cleans her house on Saturdays, with all her ailments and difficulties with activities of living. She accuses her of taking things and falsifying her legal documents. All of this is total non-sense but it does increase the burden of her care tremendously. She doesn't trust her other two children any more and falsely accuses them as well. Ironically her sons-in-law and daughter-in-law mostly remain in her good graces unless they dare stand up for their dad or their spouses.
Any further advice is appreciated. I think it's time for some medicine, but good luck getting her to agree to that.
Well I am not a Doctor. But have been told that when people lose insight, have behaviour issues that impact/prevent their care, are abusive to family/caregivers, angry or delusional.. that medications for mood may be considered.
So yeah, it's probably time.
Doesn't mean they will work, delusions or blame will disappear.. but see what the Doctor thinks.
A little mood pil has worked WONDERS for my LO!
Sometimes choices get narrow for a 95 year old with dementia. You have to consider what's most prudent for all concerned in this situation and how to keep mil as safe as possible as she continues to decline.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck to you.
Another conversation tactic is to just address the emotion and try to not get caught up in the ramblings. "That must make you feel sad", or whatever would be the proper thing to say. It's kind to talk to people with dementia and other issues.
Yes, our family members will end up saying stuff that is embarrassing in front of people who don't understand the situation.
Sclbluheron had an excellent suggestion regarding anti-anxiety meds.
Perhaps some anti anxiety medication might help to take the edge off. You could tell her that they are vitamins to see if that would help her take them. Since she complains about poor health frame the medicine as being helpful with that and see how it goes.
Non harmful therapeutic lies of this kind are ok IMO if done with the intent of helping the dementia sufferer find some calm and peace. Others will disagree. Ultimately up to you to decide what you are comfortable with.
Good luck.
I am so sorry, but you need to understand that MIL now is completely incapable of normal and rational thinking.