We just moved my M-I-L into independent living (and she's loving it! whew!). She had been living alone in a condo in Palm Springs where it is a ghost town in the summer. Very lonely, bored, not getting out (refusing to use the taxi account we go for her and we live 2 hours away and can only come once a week), sending the home health care companion away after 15 minutes. She was only eating junk food (if that), smoking two packs of cigarettes a day and drinking 5-6 "light" beers every day. You get the picture. Now she's getting regular (and good) meals, the smoking is drastically reduced because she can't smoke inside. But... the beer drinking continues. In addition to general health reasons, we fear that she's going to fall, break something (she only weighs 88 pounds and with very thin bone density) and then it's a race to the bottom. We don't expect she'll quit drinking completely but how can we bring up this subject, with love and support? As you can imagine, she gets very defensive when my husband (her son) talks about it. Any strategies for helping her reduce the number of beers at least? Like alternating one beer and one non-alcoholic beer? - I get that part of this is simply the habit of something cold to drink while watching tv. Thanks.
I do not write to percolate an argument with anyone...
(We long term recovering problem drinkers know what we are talking about..)
Grace + Peace,
Bob
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful answers. It is so helpful to be in a community with other people who have dealt with these challenging issues.
It is wonderful the smoking has decreased! (And that didn't occur because someone asked her to reduce the smoking.) If MIL drinks while she watches television, if she gradually finds other activities she likes in the IL complex perhaps she will watch less television and therefore drink less. We can hope.
If she takes medications you can ask the pharmacist if alcohol interferes with any of them. If it does you could send a note to her doctor. Of course, you don't want to sound like you are telling the doctor what to do, but you can express your concern.
In some locations beer was drunk with breakfast and all day long, even by children, in colonial times. It was often safer than drinking the local water. I'm not justifying it in this day, but just trying to put it in perspective. It is not like she is snorting heroine.
I don't drink any beer because of medication interactions, but I could never drink 5 - 6 beers a day (light or otherwise) because I would have to pee every 10 minutes and miss a lot of my programs, and I would be asleep after the fist 2. I'm impressed that your 88 pound MIL can do this! Does she get drunk on this routine? Is she less steady on her feet? Now that she is being served real meals the beer drinking may gradually decrease because she just won't have room for all those extra calories. You might buy some near-beer for her, saying it was on sale and you heard that it was less filling, which might be good now that she is eating good meals. She might throw it back at you, of course, but it MIGHT be worth a try.
In short, I don't think you are going to come up with words that will convince MIL to drink less. She might listen to her doctor better than she listens to you (but I doubt it). But her new living arrangement is on your side; it might gradually decrease somewhat if she gets into activities and continues eating well.
How old is MIL, by the way?
Does the amount she's currently drinking seem to affect her mood or behaviour? Would you say she actually gets drunk as such?
Ronda's MIL is drinking more than is good for her, as in more than the various health agencies recommend, which for standard-sized ladies would be 1 or max 2 units of alcohol a day, or 1 or max 2 regular sized Coors Lights. It's probably half boredom, and half enjoyment of what she likes. So finding something else she likes drinking, alcohol free or very much reduced, would be worth doing.
Reacting as though this lady is having lost weekends, drunk-driving, waking up in flop houses, breaking into liquor stores or blacking her boyfriend's eye..? - not so much.
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