My husband and I are sole caretakers for my 91-year-old mom who has respiratory failure. Up until now she has helped with standing and taking steps from bed to wheelchair or bedside toilet. As her health declines she, due to either weakness, dementia or both barely puts weight on her feet. She doesn't seem to know how to pick them up and move them. The hospice aide was explaining lifts to us today but I don't see how that will help with getting on the bed side toilet and her standing to be cleaned up. Thats my biggest and hardest issue at the moment. My husband is 71 and I am 65 and not as strong as we used to be. Does anyone have experience or advice pertaining to our situation they could share! I would appreciate it so much! Thanks!
Placing the sling underneath the person can be manageable for one caregiver IF person's bed mobility is good eg can roll well. Otherwise 2 x assist is needed.
To manourve the hoist, care is needed to avoid caregiver injuries. Awkward postures of pushing when twisting need to be avoided. Hoist will move easier if on flat floors (wood/lino/tile) rather than carpet. (Note this if trying a hoist in an equipment hire store).
Have a trained aide to assist morning & night for transfers into a recliner chair for the day can work (if this option is available/affordable).
If Mom is still continent , you could ask hospice to show you how to roll her on and off a bedpan in bed . A hoyer lift just to pee on a commode is a lot of effort for you and your spouse .
Otherwise adult diapers with tabs and have hospice show you how to a change it while she’s in bed.
Eventually Mom will be bed bound when she’s not able to sit up in the wheelchair or commode any longer. It’s best you learn now how to do all her care in bed , including changing adult diapers .
But you could ask them about a gerichair instead of a wheelchair for her to sit in . I found it easier while using a hoyer lift .
If not , then maybe a wheelchair that has the reclining back . It also may be more comfortable for mom than a regular wheelchair .
When she could no longer stand nor take steps I made the decision to keep her in bed. This was much safer for Mom and for the caregivers. I felt like we had pushed Mom for many years and now was the time to let her rest.
See if your MIL's doctor will prescribe a Physical Therapist to come to the home to show you safe movement on all day to day activities. We found this very helpful.
It may be time for an incontinence product so she doesn't have to get out of bed.
You may need help, whether having a CNA come in to the home, or in a hospice care facility.
I, too, struggle with helping my husband out of bed, but find that helping him to stand and pivot is easier for me than getting out the hoyer lift and maneuvering that into place.
You mention that up until now, she has been able to take a few steps.
Depending on her weight, and your strength, see if you can help her to sit up on the side of the bed, and have the commode chair right up against the bed, then help her to stand and pivot just a quarter turn, then sit down again.
My husband is able to hold on around my shoulders, I grasp his waistband with one hand, and the other around his back for support, then remind him to lean forward and stand. Remember to use your legs, not your back! Bend your knees in a squat, then straighten up, pivot a quarter turn, and squat with your legs again to lower her.
If helping her to stand is hurting you or your husband - Don't Do It!
You are of no help to her if you are injured!
Get help from someone else!
You are of no help to her if you are injured!"
This cannot be repeated enough.
Sometimes, knowing when to give up and ask for help is the best thing we can do for our loved ones.
Weigh the benefits of getting out of bed against hardship of using the hoist.
Eg dignity to use the bathroom, or commode, sit in a armchair, join the family in living room VS caregiver burden & risk of caregiver injury.
Other factors can be;
. Is Mother's current bedroom suitable for all care tasks? Eating, bedbathing, toileting.
. Does a hospital bed fit ok? If not, then fit in a living room?
. Is this the only living room?
. Do the other household members need their own living room space?
I have a small home. Older bathroom not suitable for commode use & no roll-in shower. While a bedroom could fit a hospital bed, hoist & armchair (just) if needed, I would need to think hard about the practicalities of providing that level of care, even with aides helping.
I think another factor is temperment. A quieter peaceful person, content to look out a window, watch TV or listen to music in their room varies tremendously to an aggitated person, anxious or fearful. Calling out, demanding company or to be entertained.
Hoyer lifts were brought up to me in caring for Mom as an option. I was a woman in my 50's who lifted weights and was pretty strong but I did not feel comfortable with the option. I talked to some personal RN friends. They were not overly encouraging. I would not have felt comfortable using a lift with a sling. It felt too dangerous. Mom had late stage alzheimers at this time.
If I was caring for a 20 year old who had a future I would have felt differently.
After pushing Mom with walking for many, many years I made the decision to keep Mom in bed.
I have no regrets.
Firstly, I think that it would be better if you were no longer physically taking care of your MiL. I don't know how her general health is, but if this continues for any length of time, physically caring for such an infirm person will rob you and your husband of your own health.
You should not sacrifice your own health for that of another person.
If you are determined to continue, then your MiL will have to be bed-bound. She will need to wear incontinence pants/pads for dual incontinence. She will need to be rolled in order to change and clean her. She shouldn't be stood to get cleaned anyway, if she's frail, as she is at risk of falling. (My mum sits on the bed while the carer helps her to wash.)
Your MiL will be even more prone to bed sores, so she will need an air mattress (ones that are designed for people who rarely move) and anything else available to help prevent bed sores, which can eat away at flesh and become excruciatingly painful.
My father became paralysed in the last 5 months of his life, before which he had been very active - walking and swimming most days. He was first cared for in another country and by the time he arrived in the UK a large chunk of flesh, bigger than a man's fist, had been eaten away from his buttocks by a bed sore that had become infected. It was nearly down to the bone.
Please be aware that your MiL will be more likely to contract chest infections as well, especially pneumonia, if she is in bed and not moving. There is little you can do about this, although a hospital style bed would help to sit her up and help prevent fluid from collecting in her lungs.
So, I would recommend either having more care in to help you physically look after your MiL, or look at the possibility of her being looked after in a nursing home.
Please be aware that you can no longer meet her needs on your own - not without risk to yours and your husband's health.
You may have to diaper her, it doesn't sound like she is going to be able to get up anymore
If you have hospice I'm sure you know she is dieing. Do you have other help or support. This sounds like a lot for the 2 of you
Can you put her in a hospice center or NH .
Hope you find peace 🙏😔