I'm sure my 96 year old grandmother knows she is...but she doesn't know that the rectal scancer that was diagnosed 3 years ago has metastasized to her liver (tumors are present, but no evidence of them "attacking" yet). We haven't told her as we didn't want it to interfer with her stint in rehab. But she is home now and I feel she deserves to know. But how do we tell her?
Definitely stop the nurses talking about hospice in Gma's hearing, that is not their call. However find out for yourself just what services are available in your area.
Many dying patients have a goal they want to live for. In this case it could be the coming great grand baby. Try and focus on this and show her everything you are buying and encourage her to look forward to the event and share your joy. Death will come when it is ready just as birth does Try not to focus on it.
Now if you are worried about being able to care for Gma once the baby arrives that is a different situation and could lead to hard decisions. But if at least for now things can remain the same then don't change anything. Having Hospice come into the home would be a good thing but moving someone out to a facility would be very upsetting.
Just like life, there is so much happening at the same time. Be sure to take some stress free time for yourself. There should be no guilt-that added burden of guilt has no room in your life at present.
How are you and your husband coping?
We are all living with something, until our last breath.
Love, from Send
You might want to carefully consider your own motivations-if they are anything like mine, they would be people deserve to know the truth.!
This may be the time to put mercy above the truth, and continue to visit, care for your loved one, let them know you care and are there for them, each day.
Next, ask yourself, after you tell, then what? Then, play out this scenario asking yourself, and then? Next, and then what? See where it goes, because so often, the patient will end up asking for assisted suicide, mercy killing, euthanasia way too soon. Will you be there? Will you be able to be truthful then?
So sorry you are faced with this loss and difficult time.
For those that ask about family, I'm her grand-daughter in law. Her grandson is my husband. There is no one else. she lives with us.
There's another issue: (a) do you think she doesn't sense that something's wrong, and (b) do you think she prefers not to worry you by sharing what she suspects? I.e., she may be thinking the same thing but does notwant you to be concerned.
Telling her can't change the progression of the metastasis.
I would consider that each day is precious, so spend it supporting her and making what could be the end of her life worthwhile and positive. Just do things together that you both enjoy, being mindful of the fact that her energy level either is still low or could decline.
My mother is in late stage of vascular dementia and has been put on comfort care. There is nothing they can do for her but keep her comfortable. No one has told her this as far as I know and I think it is better they don't. Part of keeping a person comfortable near life end is attending to their psychological/emotional comfort.
Just do what you can to make the best of the time she has left. No one know how long that is.
So sorry for this news. It is so hard for her loved ones.
I agree with FreqFlyer, do not tell her.
Now, if she were to ASK...
What you say..........better yet HOW you say it.............will make all the difference
in the world.
You know grandma.
Why agitate her at this stage?
What do your other relatives say?
You all need to be on the same page on this one.
Sorry to hear about this. So painful to see our loved ones suffer and die.
Thanks for posting,
M88