Husband with dementia has angry outbursts almost daily at me. Any advice?
I have been reading your story's, and I want to introduce myself. Each day my husband says...That I cause his outburst. If I work on a craft project, & he feels I have worked too long on it, he gets mad. He accrues everyone of stealing from him, and lying including me. Says I hide some of his clothes, so I show him where a certain Jacket is at in his closet. Tells my 18 yrs. old grandson he can borrow his chain saw & my husband *also* told me..... Then we stopped by my daughters home for an hour, & as soon as we get back home my husband comes to me & tells me , Well now I know where my chain saw is at, Your grandson took it, I reminded him the he told me * himself * that he was letting him take it home to use. Husband said NO I don't remember telling you that, and I thought he was only going to use it here at our home. He finds fault with everything anyone happens to barrow & makes sure he tells them in an angry way. Most don't ask anymore, & my family usually only stop by for a few minutes, or ask us over rather than come here & take a chance of being accused of stealing something. Its not just family, its also neighbors also.
Is all of this part of Dementia? It seems like one minute he can be ok, then you never know. His adult 2 children a son and daughter, live 2000 miles away West Coast, we use to travel to see them every year, due to health issues & really can't afford it, Air Fair has went up, & my husband stayed all of the time in motels instead of with his children.
Son has visited us 2 times, rented a place, rarely came by. Daughter has never been here, yet tells all family each year she plans to go see her dad. When he dad was really sick in the hospital, & we thought he was going to loose his R.leg his daughter tells him & everyone she can't afford to take off work or buy an airline ticket... My husband has in the last 3-4 years has told them so many lies about me that his daughter call our county sheriff out to our house to try & have me arrested, my husband is very hard of hearing..... But no excuse for me yelling, & husband answered the phone & it was his daughter, & he told her, Oh , I can't talk right now, she is really mad. He couldn't find his phone/address book, & thought I had hid it, or stole it, and said I was having an affair, when I did grocery shopping at Wall-Mart , So I lost it & I was yelling...that I had not seen his address book, nor was I having an affair, & I was tired of being accused of all kinds of things, when all I have done is try to help him, & that I have health issues also, back fusion surgery 2008 that failed, a Pain Pump put in 2012. He can only hear or understand me or anyone if I am right in front of him about 5-6 feet from him & he looks at who ever is talking to him.
Yet refuses to try to get a hearing aid. I am not sure what his daughter told the sheriff here in our county, but 3 cars of them 2 to a car pulled in our drive way.
I just could not believe it required 3 cars, & asked what in the world had they been told. But they wouldn't say much in detail, but did have to tell me who called them. Husband thought that was ok.
I don't know my husband anymore, he doesn't seem to even be the same person I married & doesn't at times even act like the person I knew.
Sorry, I have written such a long letter, depression has set in for today.
Thank You , Twinkle, I Wish
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Twinkle: Are you feeling any better today?
How are you able to care for 2 people with dementia? That's too much for one person, it's can't be done. Their dementia is only going to get worse. Have you considered a memory care unit for your husband?
Thankfully I've never had the police show up at my house. That must have been awful. I would not only be hurt but also embarrassed. I really feel for you. My husband sometimes tells me that if I was married to anyone else they would have had me killed by now or beaten up. He also says that it's my fault when he gets mad.
I didn't know what was wrong with him until he was diagnosed with dementia almost four years ago. It has progressed slowly over the years. Lately, it's getting worse.
My mother has been living with us for over two years. She also has dementia but at least she is nice. Well, that is, unless I force her to take a shower or brush her teeth or wash her hands or change her clothes, etc.
I'm glad you told your story because now I know someone else is going through a very similar situation.
My mother