My husband has Lewy body dementia, is constantly accusing me of cheating and just wants me to admit it. Any advice on how to handle this?

my dad who is 76 has not been diagnosed with dementia but ever since he was sick last November, he has accused my mom of having an affair with a 30 year old. It has been stressful for my mom and I because he would warn my mom every day. It got so bad a few weeks ago that i had to call the ambulance to take him away. We tried to reason, to distract but every one or two days, he is at it again. Today we had an all out yelling screaming argument. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. Distraction doesn’t work. I can’t put him in a rest home. He can’t move out by himself. Everything else he is cognitively fine fully aware, except this delusion of my mom having an affair.

Hmmm... this is interesting.
Its actually kind of endearing that after 33 years of marriage, and with all his dementia...he's still thinking of you in lingerie.

I know it may be hard to see the bright side in this...but you should try to take comfort in the fact that all the loss of cognitive function due to his dementia hasn't dulled his desire for you.

Try to look past the negative comments and accusations, and focus on the part I mentioned above instead. It helps to try to focus on the positive things.

Easier said than done. I know

Do you have any help and support caring for your husband? His dementia is not going to get better. It will get worse and now would be a good time to start looking at care facilities for him.
Don't beat yourself up with guilt because you yelled at him. You're human and we all have a breaking point. Sometimes you have to yell back or even swear. Better that than physical violence and that happens too when caregivers reach their breaking point and if they have no one else shouldering some of the caregiving burden.
When your husband starts up with the asinine, delusional nonsense that comes with dementia, pay him no attention. Tell him no one is having an affair and then refuse to discuss it further.
Is your husband still mobile and able to get around? I ask this because if he is then you may be living in a potentially dangerous situation.
You need help. Please consider some hired homecare. Talk to your state's Department of Social Services. They can help put you in touch with different resources and organizations that can help you.

You have accept the fact that your husband is not the same person he used to be. He has the same bid but his brain different. Ignore his comments.

This recently happened to me as well. I went for a walk and he was convinced I was having an affair. I have been researching lbd and see that this can be a symptom. We have yet to get a diagnosis. Just had the REM confirmed which he has struggled with for years. I am curious how folks are getting this diagnosis confirmed?by symptoms? I am sorry you are going through this. It is very stressful.

It must be really hard to be accused of cheating. But his brain is broken and he just is not and can not think properly. I would look into some meds with his doc. Call in the morning and get the ball rolling. You need some help ASAP.

You are NOT horrible. This situation is what's horrible. Dementia is what's horrible.

None of us signs up to deal with these types of things but sometimes here we are dealing with things we knew little to nothing about before they hit our LO, and us too.

Can you not go anywhere because he can't be left alone? If so, please get some hired help so you can get out and get some time to yourself.

I agree with previous poster that it might be best for both of you if he were to live in MC. This sounds much too hard to deal with at home alone with him.

Take care of yourself. Good luck.

You may need to start thinking about placing your husband in Memory Care AL now. Once the accusations of cheating get started, his aggression may get worse and worse and you'll need to call 911 if he raises a hand to you. The sexual urges can get quite aggressive too, which is known as ISB or inappropriate sexual behavior; medication IS available for that if you notify his MD.

You are NOT horrible; LBD is horrible and the behaviors that go along with a damaged brain. You may be reaching the point where you can't handle DH alone at home anymore and that's okay. I've had my mother in Memory Care for almost 3 years now & she's gotten great care there by teams of people who really love her. When I worked in a Memory Care AL in 2019/2020, I got to meet a lot of spouses who had no other choice but to place their husband or wife there and they'd come to visit (some daily) and spend time with their loved one. Then they'd get to go home and sleep in peace & quiet.

For the time being, you may want to look into in-home care to give you respite. And do speak to DHs MD to ask about meds, if the ISB is an issue. Make YOURSELF a priority here too, not just HIM! You matter too and it's easy to lose sight of that fact when you're spreading yourself thin doing 24/7 caregiving.

Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.

Macman, Welcome! And big (((((hugs))))))).
What a problem! Have you talked to his doctor about his delusions and agitation?

I don't know if it helps, but start by framing them for what they are. Delusions. Part of a brain disease. Not him.

Tall to his doctor, and if no help there, consult a geriatric psychiatrist. Medicaid can sometimes help in these situations.

Have you watched any Teepa Snow videos? She's got amazing techniques for dealing with dementia clients.