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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Where could we go that would explain in simple language the paperwork and the problems without it. He is terrified of being put into a nursing home. Has also refused for years to be an organ donor bc afraid he'll be killed in order to get them.
This is a little off topic but relates. I watched a program on PBS last night. I'll Have It My Way by Hattie Bryant. It is about creating a peaceful end of life experience. How not to die in an ICU.
It had four steps. 1. Accept that we are all going to die. 2. Understand the limits of medicine. 3. Educate yourself about healthcare choices 4. Choose a proxy and provide specific instructions.
Not your spouse or child was her recommendation. Due to moral distress they may know what to do but can't bring themselves to do it. Make sure the person is young enough and healthy enough, can stand up to family to make sure you get what you want, can fire a physician if needed.She also said everyone should say who their proxy is and let it be known that person knows what you want.
A couple of the points she made were if you call 911 or go to the hospital you are giving permission to be treated. Your proxy may have to be there to keep you from getting more treatment than you want.
85% of people die after they are diagnosed and are no longer able to make decisions for themselves...so everyone needs a proxy that they trust to carry out THEIR wishes and not others ideas about what should happen.
"When someone is dying, there is no such thing as a functional family."
Get a palliative care evaluation the minute you get a serious diagnosis.Have your primary arrange. Usually you get the bad diagnosis from a specialist whose job it is to treat the disease so go back and discuss this with your primary who hopefully is more concerned about quality as well as quantity of life.
She reminded us of the article in the Saturday Evening Post entitled How Doctors Die. Its a good read.
So, not sure if this help at all. There is a book of course that you can pick up to see if any of her points resonate with your husband. Also a workbook was available on PBS. Not sure if the workbook is in bookstores or on Amazon.
Brunswick, legal documents are complex, much of the wording is standardized for legal applications, and the documents are not easy to understand. Trusts especially are complicated and literally require an interpreter for some sections.
Your husband might be intimidated and afraid he won't be able to understand and doesn't want to be embarrassed. I think that's a common reaction.
This is something you should discuss with an attorney even before making an appointment. An attorney might be willing to prepare summaries, after explaining the purpose of the documents, the intent, and the major provisions.
You might want to begin slowly, with one or two documents such as medical and legal powers of attorney, then move to wills and perhaps the more complicated trusts, if they're appropriate for your situations.
Brunswickborn, what type of paperwork are you referring? If you are using an Elder Law Attorney, which is highly recommended, for a Will or Power of Attorney, the attorney will do all the explaining. If the Attorney feels your hubby isn't understanding what is in these documents, then the Attorney will not let your husband sign them.
As for being an organ donor, that is a person choice, and chances are once you reach a certain age, many of the organs have too many miles on them to be used successfully, so don't bother hubby with that paperwork.
May I ask how old is your husband? Those who are in their 80's and older remember the "homes" from back from when maybe his parents or grandparents, or other relatives had to reside. Mainly these places were State homes or asylums, so no wonder he is scared to go to a nursing home. I would be, too.
If you foresee a nursing home in the future for hubby, if you can budget for Assisted Living [which are not nursing homes], take him to visit these places saying you are helping a friend look for places, and the friend wanted both of your opinions. These places offer a free lunch with a tour. Some places are set up like a hotel.
Brunswick, it seems to me that if your dad doesn't understand the paperwork he's signing, then he shouldn't be signing anything. As in, he's no longer competent to sign anything of a legal and binding nature.
Are you attempting to have him assign power of attorney to you? Sadly, it may be too late for that. Guardianship may be the only alternative.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I watched a program on PBS last night. I'll Have It My Way by Hattie Bryant. It is about creating a peaceful end of life experience. How not to die in an ICU.
It had four steps.
1. Accept that we are all going to die.
2. Understand the limits of medicine.
3. Educate yourself about healthcare choices
4. Choose a proxy and provide specific instructions.
Not your spouse or child was her recommendation.
Due to moral distress they may know what to do but can't bring themselves to do it. Make sure the person is young enough and healthy enough, can stand up to family to make sure you get what you want, can fire a physician if needed.She also said everyone should say who their proxy is and let it be known that person knows what you want.
A couple of the points she made were if you call 911 or go to the hospital you are giving permission to be treated. Your proxy may have to be there to keep you from getting more treatment than you want.
85% of people die after they are diagnosed and are no longer able to make decisions for themselves...so everyone needs a proxy that they trust to carry out THEIR wishes and not others ideas about what should happen.
"When someone is dying, there is no such thing as a functional family."
Get a palliative care evaluation the minute you get a serious diagnosis.Have your primary arrange. Usually you get the bad diagnosis from a specialist whose job it is to treat the disease so go back and discuss this with your primary who hopefully is more concerned about quality as well as quantity of life.
She reminded us of the article in the Saturday Evening Post entitled How Doctors Die. Its a good read.
So, not sure if this help at all. There is a book of course that you can pick up to see if any of her points resonate with your husband. Also a workbook was available on PBS. Not sure if the workbook is in bookstores or on Amazon.
Your husband might be intimidated and afraid he won't be able to understand and doesn't want to be embarrassed. I think that's a common reaction.
This is something you should discuss with an attorney even before making an appointment. An attorney might be willing to prepare summaries, after explaining the purpose of the documents, the intent, and the major provisions.
You might want to begin slowly, with one or two documents such as medical and legal powers of attorney, then move to wills and perhaps the more complicated trusts, if they're appropriate for your situations.
Is he still in rehab? How is that going?
As for being an organ donor, that is a person choice, and chances are once you reach a certain age, many of the organs have too many miles on them to be used successfully, so don't bother hubby with that paperwork.
May I ask how old is your husband? Those who are in their 80's and older remember the "homes" from back from when maybe his parents or grandparents, or other relatives had to reside. Mainly these places were State homes or asylums, so no wonder he is scared to go to a nursing home. I would be, too.
If you foresee a nursing home in the future for hubby, if you can budget for Assisted Living [which are not nursing homes], take him to visit these places saying you are helping a friend look for places, and the friend wanted both of your opinions. These places offer a free lunch with a tour. Some places are set up like a hotel.
Are you attempting to have him assign power of attorney to you? Sadly, it may be too late for that. Guardianship may be the only alternative.