Husband wants to move mother-in-law in. Any advice?

Time for an ultimatum.

He can live with you or your mom. Not both.

If she moves in, you move out.

Candice, you and your husband have a child together. This child needs to be protected from the weed smoking grandmother. You protect your child and yourself.

Your husband protects his drug addict mother because he sees her as helpless and dependent and he has to rescue her.

I see those as two different paths.

"He’s so upset with me for not agreeing to this. He doesn’t and won’t give thought to any other option of care for her."

He's set on taking over her care, That's his prerogative. He can and should if he wants to or else his conscience will eat at him. There's a grezt chance that he will regret his decision, but he has to go down this road in order to realize it. However, he does not have the right to force you to go along. This is where you part ways and wish him a good life with his terrible mother.

Parents. They can ruin their children's lives when the kids are young, and when they are adults. Wouldn't it be great if we could choose our parents?

I don't care who she is, who wants a lazy, stinky, dope head living in their home.

Husband needs to decide if he is a married man or a dutiful little mommy's boy.

I would divorce my husband before I was subjected to having this in my home. But, it is up to you to decide if being with him is more important then your own well-being.

I'm so sorry for your situation. Believe me divorcing before there's hate between you and your husband will leave the door open to reconciliation at some point. If you move his lazy, dirty, disgusting slattern of a mother in, the divorce will be bitter and hateful. Then there will be no chance of getting back together.
You mention her "legal status". What do you mean by "legal status"? If she is illegally squatting in the United States, one phone call to ICE will solve that problem. If she has family in a different country they should be contacted. Buy her a plane ticket. Do not stay with your husband if he plans of financially supporting his mother. Who pays for her weed? Maybe they can buy her a plane ticket back home.
Under no circumstances and for no reason should you buy a home until your MIL is permanently living somewhere. Do not buy a place. If your husband insists that his mother will be living with the two of you, then see a lawyer. Do not take her in.

I think this may be cultural. If MIL does not have a greencard then she is illegal and probably stayed off the radar because she either worked under the table or had someone supporting her. Not sure what options she is going to have but your husband should not be supporting her. May need to talk to an immigration lawyer. Me personally, would not have her living with me nor near my baby.

What your DH needs to realize is that once he married, his wife and children become #1. His mother is in the position she is because she didn't do something about her status years ago. She may have been able to stay here by applying for residency. She chose to let men support her. I doubt she would have been sent back to a country she had never really lived in.

"She’s messy, has bad hygiene, smokes weed all day, just sits on the couch." Does he expect you to care for her? Does he really want his child exposed to this? If she lived with me, she would not be sitting around doing nothing all day. Even in her 60s there are jobs out there that may pay under the table. And d**n if I would pay for her weed. I may house her and feed her but she would need to make her own money for her toiletries, clothing and medical. Was she married to SO. If so, she maybe entitled to his Social Security. Not sure if she would need a green card to collect. There are Mexican citizens that work in the US but go home to Mexico after work. They are entitled to the SS they paid into.

Your MIL is in a pickle and it should not be up to you to get her out. You could be caring for her for the next 30 yrs or more. DH needs to look ahead. You may want to make it clear that you will not be her caregiver at any time of her life. Nor will she be allowed to stink up UR house with BO and weed. And it is UR house not hers. Maybe find a place with a garage apt and put her there.

Because it seems Mom maybe considered an illegal she really has no options. If she has never paid into SS she can't get it or Medicare. You husband is between a rock and a hard place here. Again, Mom may need an immigration lawyer.

You are very right in telling your husband that you are not buying a house with him and have his weed smoking and bad hygiene mother move in with you two.

Bravo for being young and strong. Here are the possible outcomes:

--You two divorce because he chooses his mother over you and because you don't do what he wants.

--You live in misery with his horrible mother because he chooses her happiness over yours and because you went along with what he wanted.

--Your finances are now tied down to the new house because you went along with what he wanted and went against what your intelligent head told you not to do.

--You're stuck living in a house that doesn't feel like a home to which you don't want to go back at the end of the day.

--You now hate his mother and resent your husband, but most of all, you regret buying a house with him and letting his mother move in.

--You now consider getting divorced and think how expensive the lawyer's fees might be, and how expensive it would be to sell the house and split the money, and other assets.

--You are once again single, but divorced with a deep scar in your heart. You have lost a big chunk of money both on lawyers and the house. You wonder how to start a new life.

--Or maybe your husband wises up and chooses his marriage and his wife over his horrid mother. Perhaps, a couple counseling might help. You two can stand strong and look for ways to help his mother without ruining your marriage.

If you are going to go the divorce route, or threat of it,, I would mention the fact that MIL smokes weed all day, in front of the children I would assume if she moves in. we are certainly moving into a more liberal time, but I still think most courts would not be impressed by someone smoking weed in front of young children, possible leaving it around where they could get into it. And imagine what they may say at school.. and then the investigations begin. And the gossip...

As a retired teacher, I want to remind you that teachers are mandated reporters.

If a student comes in with a backpack, or clothing that stinks like weed, I would have to report it.

Social Services would be out there in a flash, and you do not want to have to deal with the ramifications of THAT.

Plus, your child might indeed share details of your home life with his/her teachers, along with other children. It will be a MESS.

If MIL buys weed, that means that her dealer, along with like-minded people could start showing up in your home. This could lead to all sorts of danger.

PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD.

As it certainly sounds like you’ll have no choice but to leave this situation, be very sure to get court ordered child support. I’ve counseled too many young women who relied upon a man saying he’d pay or help and then not coming through. A court ordered payment plan, even if he doesn’t pay, can follow him for life. And I’m very sorry your husband doesn’t understand that his first priority is his wife and child, far above his mother. And I’m glad you have the wisdom to know this will not work. You’re setting a good example for your child by standing up for yourself and what is right in a marriage.