he told my mom he made a mistake while in the army. He had a affair. Dad does not make much sense when he speaks and says only a few words, so I think Mom may have helped him with this conversation. Is it common in the late stages of dementia to confuse the past. He also says things that he would Never had said before, comments to Mom, the nurse and aides. Mom is so upset with the comments and he seems to smile or laugh when this upsets her. This is nothing like my Dad. This affair would have been when he was 18 yrs old and he is now 80. I don't believe this would be true, but think it's the disease. He can't tell you what he just ate or if he ate. I would really like to know if there is anyone else out there that has had this happen. These lies are so hurtful to Mom who has been his full time caretaker. I have tried to help her to see this is the disease and not to let 60 years of good marriage be ruined by a possible lie that he doesn't know he is saying. Help!
If your dad has been a good, faithful husband for 60 years I think that it is the real truth. Anything else is either made up or doesn't matter anymore, anyway. Tell your mother just to nod and say yeah, yeah when your dad is spinning his fish tales.
When my husband was in a delusional state he thought our house was a train station or a motel and once in a while a high school. Poor dear. He did move out of that stage after a few months.
During that period this became my mantra: "This is not Coy behaving this way. It is his dementia."
Much easier said than done, but do keep trying very hard to not take these things personally. Learning more about dementia might help. Joining a local support group for caregivers of persons with dementia can help a lot, to see you are not alone. And interacting on this forum is useful too.
I realize your mom is older too and what probably upsets her the most is the loss of the husband she use to have.
However, my assistant found out that her mom's favorite child, the oldest son, was fathered by the next door neighbor. Her mom got Alz while still kinda young, Anyways, one day we went by to drop off some mail and her mom thought I was the neighbor's wife and got all "he loves me best" and talking about "their" child on us. Came totally out of the blue and I had been there before. It was spooky.
Long story short- 5 kids in the family, the oldest son is the "bad" one (drugs, prison, 3 illegit kids) but their mom just adored him above all the others and always bailed him out of whatever. When she got moved to a Alz lock down, they went through her things and there were all these letters that showed that the neighbor was the father. It was pretty rough on all.
My mom has LBD and with her the stories are easily figured out to be fantasy. But my godmother had ALZ and I think some of the things she said were things that she had repressed for years that finally came out. You just never know.
He has all but quit eating. spits his food out and also his drink. Hospice came but I really dont know what they could do that I am not doing. So I will just carry on. One thing his breath really is bad and he will not let me and he will not brush his teeth. any suggestion there? God Bless us all.
I hope the hospice workers might be able to comfort your mother. A doctor or social worker could explain to her (more objectively than you can) that this is not an uncommon situation. What drives a demented peson to lash out at the ones they love and who are caring for them is a mystery. I hope your poor mother can find the strength to not take it personally and to keep reassuring your father that she has loved him for 60 years and loves him now.
What a cruel disease this is!