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My husband who is 75 not only has severe cognitive impairment he also is a diabetic type 2, has sleep apnea since 1991 and uses CPAP. His OCD is getting worse and he is no longer reasonable and does not trust anyone or anything I tell him. He has very bad arthritis in his back and neck and is using a walker more and more since it is very hard for him to walk due to diabetic neuropathy in both feeth.


We have no family so I am having to do it all!
We have only social security. No savings left!


I have looked into different programs in the Palm Springs area of Southern Ca which is where we live and we do not quality for anything and of course COVID has only made getting help almost impossible.

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Sounds like a very difficult situation. It is very common for a person with severe impairment to be quite difficult to handle.

You are in burnout, not approaching it. Who wouldn't be exhausted - mentally and physically? It's a lot of work and energy to care for someone. Give yourself credit for that.

I know it's hard, but you want to think about putting yourself first and accepting your limitations as a normal human being. I would look into things like adult daycare. Having an aide come to your house so you get a break. Hubby does not need to like or agree to these things. You need to do them for you, not him. At the very least, maybe you can get a cleaning lady and maybe someone to sit with him so you can get out and have a break. I know this only scratches the surface of your needs.

Since you describe his condition as severe, you may be looking at a placement in a nursing home or memory care in the not too distant future. There's only so much one person can do. No one wants to go into this type of care, BUT often for safety and sanity, it does become a necessity. It doesn't mean you don't care.

Good luck.
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For both your sakes, do the research on making a Medicaid application in your area.

Whether or not you decide to move forward on it, knowing that you have ONE alternate path may help you to finding a second one.

There ARE options for him, and you need to know about them, for yourself.
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petluv17 Feb 2021
Thank you for your reply! I am looking into Medicaid.Here in Ca it is called Medi-cal. My husband and I are over the income limit not by much but I am working with someone who knows of as special program for people who are seniors and dealing with a disabled spouse. I do not know if it will work out but at least I am trying! I also called the dept. of aging in my area and they were no help.
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You may be looking at application for medicaid for your husband, and placement. I am so sorry. But we all have limitations. Not listening to your own limitations could well end with your husband having no one at all, in which case he would be placed quite quickly. I am so sorry. This is very difficult.
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petluv17 Feb 2021
Yes, it is SO difficult dealing with someone who is very stubbon and thinks he is the only one that knows what it right. I also know that I am very close to caregiver burnout but I am determined to find help and yes it is going to upset my husband since he thinks I am doing everything wrong which is coming from his mistrust of everyone and everything plus he has a really hard time paying attention for more the 1 minute! due to impaired memory which may be vascular dementia caused by severe sleep apnea since 1991 and of course diabetes. He needs another MRI which because of COVID may not be possible.
I have been his advocate for so many years it is the only reason he has received some of the tests he needs.
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