I am going to put my father in asst.living due dementia. His wife has Alzheimers, but is refusing to go. Doctor will sign off. Suggestions?

Does step-mom have any children of her own? If so contact them and tell him ur placing Dad and she is refusing to go with him. Tell them you cannot force her to go and she cannot stay alone. If no kids, then Adult Protection Services maybe able to help. If u have no POA, then u may need the state to intervene but they may not put her in an AL bit Longterm care.

You cannot force her to do anything if she has not been found incompetent by a doctor. Even with POA in effect, you may have a hard time placing her. Guardianship would be an option but its time consuming and expensive. Can she understand enough that if she doesn't go with your Dad that the State may step in and that means they make the decision where she will go. Maybe knowing that will change her mind.

If you are not her guardian or conservator it is unlikely she can make you that at this time. She has not the mental capacity to do so. And as MJ says, it is likely her own family who would serve as POA or conservator. Have you spoken with her family. If there is none you may be appointed by the court if you wish to be, but be careful what you wish for. I agree absolutely with MJ1929 about getting the assistance and involvement of APS in this case.

Does she have relatives? I'd think she's not your problem if she has relatives who would have rights to decide about her care.

I don't know that you can put her in a facility if you don't have the right to. You may have to contact APS to see what to do.

As for your dad, assisted living is not where he belongs. He needs to be in memory care.