I am the sole caregiver for my father. I’ve lived with him for 9 months. I want to know if anyone has used adult day care and if they like it?

When I was the near full-time caregiver for my Mom, I enrolled her into senior day care for about 10 hours a day.

The first one we tried was recommended by my brother's physician. The physician had no information on my Mom other than the fact she was 97 years old. The cost for a week was far less than anything I paid for my daughter's day care, over 10 years ago. They gave her breakfast and lunch and 2 snacks. Each afternoon, they all took naps. They had activities during the day and afternoon. However, she was in much better shape than 3/4 of the people. In addition, most of the participants were female.. About 1/4 of them needed to be fed. The upside was that the center ran on Saturdays. However, there were no activities on Saturdays, but they got a lot of home cooked snacks since the number of people on Saturday was less than 15.

The 2nd one we tried was much. much, much better as the people who attended it were more affluent and active. The mix was about 1/3 male, 2/3 female. This time, most of the people were far more mobile and cognizant than she was. The Activities Director was a male in his late 60s and was the emcee for the day. Everyone loved him. They would run contests on "special" days like Halloween and Christmas, with real prizes, like blankets and purses. They also celebrated nearly every Hallmark Day. It only ran Monday thru Friday and the cost was substantially more than the 1st one. They provided breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks and the food was quite good. The ratio of caregivers to seniors was pretty good. In addition, seniors from their Senior Living area, would volunteer and help out with meals and games. The food was good with large portions. They also requested donations for prizes. Many had dementia. There were one or 2 people who would run for the door, each time the door opened. Another person would take napkins and silverware and put them in her purse, which would be emptied after the last snack was given for the day. Even more people would bring plastic bags and put all their leftover food in the bags. One guy brought his own loaf of bread everyday and munched on it the whole day. There were a few people who needed to be fed.

Both places would give baths or provide dinner for a fee.

My Mom really loved the second place as it was about her memory level. She loved playing hangman and Wheel of Fortune. They also had a Wii so they would play bowling on it. Tic-tac-toe with beanbags was a favorite too.

However, she started complaining that the program was repetitious. It was also about that time that her incontinence was getting worse and her memory lapses were significant. She complained of being bored, however the real truth was that her memory didn't allow her to stay focused.

She loved her time at the 2nd one as it was more "fun". Ironically, the 1st one, gave her more time outside as they tended the garden, took trips, etc.

I highly recommend senior day care. However, I'd go look and visit to ensure that they have activities and food that your Dad would enjoy and that the other participants are neither significantly better or worse, than your Dad.

I worked as a Geriatric Nutrition Counselor at a Daycare in NYS. It was part of a large nursing home. They loved coming for the day! Fun things to do, new friends, could take walks in the building and great meals. We also monitored blood pressure and help with medicine. It gave families a well needed break.

My Dad is 87 and is currently living with my husband and me for 2 years now. He has moderate dementia. At the moment he can still shower himself but his hygiene habits are getting worse. Eg ( sorry to gross you out) he is putting his dirty underwear in with his clean. I do his washing but now I have to check everything. I don’t think I need in home care yet. That’s a conversation that I need to have with my siblings. Before dementia, my Dad was the cleanest person ever, hygienically anyway. He was untidy though and still is.

Meals on Wheels in So CA provides meals in person daily 6 days a week for like $6 a dinner. But the bigger advantage of this is they come 6 days a week. Your father must be able to answer door. That’s only rule. Then they call you immediately if he doesn’t answer or something is wrong. They interact with your father briefly at the front door when giving the food. That is the real benefit. It permits you days off to recoup your while a vetted person comes to provide socializing and food.

also try getting him an Amazon Show and some Blink camera. This way you don’t have to be with him to know he’s safe. And you can speak to him through these Blink camera to say hello and provide positive support without being there. We also have a companion four hours a day every so often as just a new person to engage with for a more fulfilling life.

Also, check with your city. Some like ours have a Senioe Shuttle you can schedule that takes seniors to local Senioe center daily ie when you want. For lunch and entertainment. My Mum loves it bc she makes friends and gets out.

Swnior Centers provide in essence adult day care without calling it that for $3 shuttle ride round trip and $4 for lunch in North San Diego as an example. This gives you a break knowing parent is having positive event and with safe adults.

One more helpful point most caring caregivers don’t thi k of but is obvious. Does he still need all the medicines you speak of? are they making him not have the long torture of dementia? No. Dimentia is a slow, horrible way to go.

As those we love get closer to end of life or passed average life expectancy, why is society feel need to constantly administer pharmaceuticals? It only helps the pharmasuital companies.

it is okay and better to pass away naturally, organically after in 80’s and older if with dimentia instead of keeping elderly taking loads of life saving medicines.

It’s difficult for dimentia patients to swallow anything. So administering medicines is extra rough in them. Most don’t want these medicines anymore anyway. It’s still their right to not take all the medicines. So forcing dimentia patients the unpleasantness of having to swallow drugs could be inhumane depending on benefit of the medicine.

2. Why are we all still giving anti-cholesterol, blood pressure, blood thinning, vitamins, anticancer, other meds to keep our dimentia and Alzheimer’s love ones living longer? Think it out logically. These drugs are only making person live longer while they are being tortured by dimentia. Why do doctors,family want to make people live longer to suffer terribly longer? It’s inhumane more and more believe. It is okay to die. It is okay for dementia patient to die naturally, organically. Why do we interfer with this? Because we care and want to help? Yes, but more so, bc we have been indoctrinated to misthink giving medicines always helps.

Why not let nature takes it course and stop the optional drugs? Why are people so afraid of letting love ones die or die naturally? It is selfish of doctors and family when parents have lived long lives yet are tortured now by moderate-severe dimentia.

And why are people so afraid to die? Most elderly people often say, “I just want to go” or similar verbiage as they sit unable to be independent, unable to recall things, unable to be part of active society any longer, unable to have joy and experience life outside a facility or home. It is not depression, it is normal to recognize life has no joy bc of dimentia.

To fill them still with blood thinners, anti-cholesterol meds, anti-cancer meds, and other life sustaining meds, to feed them by hand is not only against many of their Medical POA’s, but is cruel to let them live longer than if they didn’t take these meds as dimentia victims. To keep heart ticking with meds while the mind is beyond safe and cognitive functioning, is not the caregiver’s or doctor’s deciion if it only permits the dimentia to worsen and torture the patient. Obviously, quality of life is more important than length of life.

Example-Those who eat strictly healthy often end up living longer but not better as the mind from DNA pre-existing dimentia gene cannot be eaten or exercised away.

So as kind-hearted caregivers are we doing what is best for our parents by keeping them alive longer with medicines to sustain hearts and other aspects of the body while parent’s brain is severely dimented?

So in your own medical power of attorneys if you don’t want to be tortured by dimentia then write in it to discontinue the gambit of heart, cardiovascular, anti-cancer drugs so you don’t suffer from dementia so long. Many dimentia patients would have passed naturally but for the heart drugs they take. Think about it logically. We need to stop being told it makes one bad person if chose to discontinue life sustaining drugs we are told by uninvolved highly judgmentally, overly moralist persons or doctors who need to cover themselves from liability so keep prescribing life sustain meds to dementia patients which lengthen torture for these patients.

Obviously, people will oppose this who are indoctrinated by decades of medicine-giving is best. Yes, those meds are great if not already suffering from mod to severe dimentia. It’s okay to let death come naturally.

Where do you live? In northern CA. they have Del Oro Respite Care. Also, depending on how much $ your father has you can hiring private caregiver off of care.com. or get him on MediCal (this is all CA.). IHSS is a MediCal in home caregiver service.

Okay yes, I know some friend's, they also had the similar situation, they used adult day care to support their family, and adult day care can give you a hand, it can make your daily movement to become easier, and your dad also will be a good hand, they will support your dad without having know problem.
Matilda