I am worried to death about having enough money to bury my mother. What do you do if there's not enough to take care of her funeral?

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I am worried to death about having enough money to bury my mother. What do you do if there's not enough to take care of her funeral?

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I am worried sick about having enough money to bury my mother when the time comes. My brother is well off financially but says he can't help. I live on a small widow's social security benefit and have no savings. Likewise, my mother has no savings for emergencies. I've heard all kinds of horror stories and am now trying to pay monthly for a prepaid funeral for her. The problem is she's 93 and I'm scared she could pass before the policy is paid off. Any suggestions? Thank you

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In Arizona there is an org. called "Research for Life." We found out about it from one of Mom's friends who just did not want to spend a lot on his funeral...he wanted to leave his kids the money instead. They came and got his body when he expired, with in 48 hrs. They cremated him and returned his ashes to his family. Not for everyone ...but is one way to go.

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My beloved father was an educator and made it clear to us that when he died he wanted to donate his body to the university where he had received his degree. He signed the papers several months before he passed away. There was absolutely no cost involved. Within hours of his death, a very kind, compassionate representative from the university came to transport him. It was a very simple and dignified procedure. My son and my mother both passed away within a year of my dad's passing and, according to their wishes, they were both cremated. In each case, the funeral home picked up the body and several days later, we were able to collect the cremains which were contained in a plastic container. The container was enclosed in a lovely red velvet bag. Each cremation cost $600.
I don't know how you feel about cremation--everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But I feel sad that you are having to stress about finances regarding end of life decisions. Funerals are for the living--there are ways to say good-bye, honor your mom, and bring closure and peace to those who love her without going into major debt. You don't need or deserve the extra stress and expense that burial can bring. My heart is with you.

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Wow, I just spoke with someone about possible cremation for pre-need planning and I was told almost $3,000. What a huge difference.

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As noted in another post I did, our mother is now 95, all her immediate family is gone, any remaining friends (there are probably only 2 who care) are long gone, so I'm not inclined to spend big money for any kind of service, etc. Who would go, just us kids and maybe the grandkids (who she really has not seen in years and at this point cannot remember?)

I can understand when someone is younger, well-loved, honor them and remaining family, etc, or if the deceased wanted something special and pre-paid or had life insurance to cover it and left instruction, fine. But for someone who really has no one left and no way to pay for it?

Our mom also has the option to be buried in the Marine's plot with dad, which I believe is no extra cost for that (VA benefit?), and is what she indicated she wanted up to/when she was still early dementia... right now she is more focused on visiting her mother (gone about 40 years) or what her mother is doing for each major holiday... :-}

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I just want to say if you don't want to cremate her remains, you can save some money by skipping the embalming. There cannot be a viewing if you go this route. You can also have a home funeral, with the body kept for up to 3 days on ice. It does take an undertaker for transport for burial, however.

There are also cardboard caskets, but the price of some of those is out of line as well, depending where they are purchased. This state requires a concrete vault, so that can't be avoided, but in some states they may not have that requirement. One really has to do their research.

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I lost a lot of friends young, in their teens and twenties, so when I hit 30 I bought myself and my husband burial policies, saw too much loss. My husband passed six years ago at 50, and his service was almost 10,000.00. It was a very nice service, very respectful, eulogy, flowers, music and all. I still have my policy and I'm still paying the rate for a 30 year old since I've had it that long, I did take their offer to up it to 15,000 for inflation. My kids won't have to worry about that at least, big peace of mind for 10.00 a month. The younger you are when you sign up, the cheaper it is.

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perhaps a different take here. Seems like the comments are aimed at how inexpensively this can be done, and that is fine, especially if there are no funds. As mentioned below, my mom, who is not rich, but has enough money to live out her days in the simple manner she lives wanted a traditional funeral for my dad with a nice casket, (which seems to be the single biggest item) escorted procession to the graveyard from the church, obituary, flowers, etc. etc. It came to 15K which was sticker shock for me and I think my mom too, but she wanted it It was a beautiful funeral, people commented about it (not necessarily due to the cost of the funeral, but I have a musically trained niece who sang a song in Swedish (my dad is a child of Swedish immigratns) and Be Still My Soul, which was both haunting and beautiful My two brothers and I gave our eulogies and thoughts, all able to do so without breaking down, and there was an honor guard at the cemetery with a gun volley (of course that was free with my dads vet status)

I believe the 15K in this case was well spent towards starting the healing process for my brothers and me, but especially my mom. Not to say you need to spend that much to have a good goodbye, but in this case I would rather have spent that 15K than my two brothers and I each getting 5K when my mom eventually passes. As said, she is not rich by any means. They lived simply and save and my mom has enough to get by as she really does not live extravagantly.

I realize this is not possible for everyone, but just stating another angel, er, I mean angle, Freudian slip perhaps.

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Your mother has no social security income? It's not an adult child's responsibility to cover that. I'm sorry that you are in this situation. What about life insurance policies she may have?

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Check with local agencies for assistance - 1 way is to donate her body for research & they take care of most of it .... if your mom couldn't get her money together you may need to explore this way - good luck

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Have her cremated. It is cheaper. I had my mother and brother cremated. My mom was about $1,000 and we found a cheaper place for my brother. Had to pay an extra $200 because he was over 275, and it cost us $725 total. I bought an urn at an antique shop for $8. My moms came from a garage sale and was $5. She loved garage sales, so thought she wouldn't mind!

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Loved the garage sale thing! A book I read recently (fiction) had a woman's cremains left to her friend, kept in a Mr. Peanut container! She said her friend had a really warped sense of humor - I guess!

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I know many want an elaborate funeral with all the bells and whistles but my family decided to go the practical way by choosing cremation and using the services of the National Cremation Society. Several years ago my parents paid $1000 each for the service to pick up the body from wherever death occurred and remove it to the nearest funeral home within their network. Family and friends are provided with a viewing of the body once it is prepared, then the cremation. Up to 5 death certificates are provided when the cremains are picked up, an additional charge for more copies if needed (most do). Obituaries can be provided by the funeral home where the body is prepared. Cremains are usually ready within 10-15 days and can be shipped if death happened in another location or while on vacation. They are deposited in a sturdy cardboard box which is designed and labelled for burial. Ashes can then be buried, kept on the mantle, or dispersed to the four winds. A memorial service can also be held at the burial site or whenever and wherever the family desires. It is not a lot of pomp and circumstance but affordable and provides a more intimate time for family members. My parents cremains are buried at a local Memorial Park in a grave which allows for up to 3 cremains to be interred. My sister who died prematurely is interred within the same grave with my parents. This gravesite along with the grave markers and internment costs for all three people was the greatest expense but my parents chose this method beforehand so the costs would not fall to those of us left after their deaths. I am doing the same for myself so as not to burden my son with this matter.

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I'm working with a Dignity Mortuary company regarding pre-need arrangements for my mom. I was quite impressed and trusting of the people we met with until.......I asked for more info regarding how pre purchasing a casket would work. Their response, "we dealt with a family who did that, & on the way to the cemetery the car carrying the casket was in a accident and the casket was damaged quite a bit". They did not expalain what the final results were from that, nor did I ask. I was really afraid to see what they would come up with next. Not saying that didn't occur, We to are not a millianaire family and they suggested that I NOW take the cash value of my moms insurances policies and use that as a down payment to begin the pre-need process and make payments thereafter to circumvent the increase of funeral cost at a later date...... REALLY. If you don't have a honest family member in the business, expect the wildest things to come out of the person who is suppose to be understanding and helpful at the most difficult time in your life 😪. I pray that you keep your antennas up when handling the final affairs. I'm sure all aren't like that, but they are in business to stay in business.

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We went thru a round with Dignity in Dallas Tx. I would never use them. They had my Aunt's funeral up to $19,000. My cousin was panicked. We found another mortuary that would pick her up and cremate her for $800.00. Then we used her favorite Cookie Jar to put the remains in. The memorial service was at the house mainly a table cloth on the dining room table with pictures and momentos all over the house. She was a nurse back in the day when they had capes. Her cape and cap were displayed with other things. Catered by her favorite restaurant. All in all the total cost was about $1,100.00. An added cost was she already had paid for a plot in the Dignity cemetery. They charged my cousin $2,000 to open and close the plot.

My mother was cremated and scattered in her favorite place. Just family there. No urn. My Sister-in-Law was buried in her cardboard box with her favorite fabric wrapped around it, she was a quilter.

If you have no money, the county will cremate her for free. You don't see bodies of homeless people etc. laying around on the street. If you wanted her ashes back you probably would have to pay the county a fee.

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I just buried my husband at a cost of 16 thousand if I had ever known the cost I would have gone with cremation
You are not responsible for your mom do not put yourself in debt
Make arrangement now your brother should not be considered in the arrangements

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My mother in law passed away last Friday My husband had talked with a lady at the cremation society and then a few days later with a gentleman He said he needed my sister's in law permission and two copies of her drivers license....She is my husband’s half sister and have been estranged for years ..She lives in California, we live in South Carolina She was on vacation on an island out of Massachusetts and had not good cell phone reception By The time she called back two days later we were in a panic mode The guy had said he would not cremate her

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my dad just died and funeral was 15K totaled. I was shocked, but apparently that is not so out of line these days when you consider all the costs (especially the casket, we could have gone cheaper, but didn't want to cheap out either at that point and I think the funeral business exploits that sentiment) Wish we would have gone online but I think that is more time consuming

Luckily, my mom, while not rich, was still able to afford it, but seems like a lot of money (on a lighter note, we paid the bill with multiple credit cards with huge bonus points - paid the CC bill right away, but in doing so recouped some of the cost in points. The funeral directors said people do this all the time.

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When my mom passed when I was 17, my dad and I spent the day together talking to a funeral home, getting a casket and arranging a service at our church. I'm glad we had something to do! (They already had a plot at a local cemetery.) I suspect that he had already done some of the arranging; she had been terminal with cancer for about 5 months. When Dad passed 5 years later, I was out of the country so my brothers dealt with everything, pretty much the same as Mom. With my husband, my kids and I made all the arrangements as simple as possible, casket was purchased very reasonably online, service at the church, we got a single plot locally that can go double depth. If I recall, it was about $5K altogether, and my kids know what to do when.. We have been fortunate to have family and friends that helped as necessary.

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Watching my DH and his sibs go into full panic mode when their father died---even though they knew he was going to, many years beforehand, he and they had NEVER discussed a single detail.

Instead of being able to mourn and deal with the sadness, they were frantically running around town comparing prices, looking at caskets, trying to figure out what he would want to wear...writing and paying for a $1800 obituary---and trying to throw together a service.

I tried to just be supportive, but I did get dad's Fire Captain's uniform out of storage, had it cleaned and bought new socks and underwear. I performed a musical number, made sure tho obit got in the paper, took note of all flowers and plants and got thank you notes---at the final "viewing" before the viewing, DH was upset b/c dad's hair didn't look "right" and his nails were needing a trim. I got the mortician to handle these things. Oh! He was a veteran--how do we get a flag for the casket? Just one drama after another.

It went off ok. We had him buried in a family plot in a beautiful small town in the mountains (where, BTW, our niches for our ashes are!)......the kids were so exhausted by all this--they didn't put a marker up until the next summer---and holy moly--that thing was ENORMOUS. Just shrieks "guilty kids".

After the fact, so many things would have been different had SOMEONE asked dad what he wanted. He would have been embarrassed to be buried in the nicest piece of furniture he ever owned.

Compare that with MY dad's funeral 8 months later. ONE visit to the funeral home. I wrote his obit. At the service, My daughter played a beautiful piano piece she had learned years earlier for this occasion and will play it at mother's funeral. We kids all spoke for 5 minutes apiece. In about an hour and a half, mother had chosen the flowers, the casket and plot and all the "trappings" had long been paid for. Mother was able to remain calm and grieve with us kids in peace.

The difference between the two events were huge. FIL's came together, but it was a stressful, depressing situation. Daddy's was sweet, loving and a wonderful tribute.

As for me and my DH? Cremation, no viewing, Short service and eternity mixed up together in the cremains box my best friend is making for me.

This hits mighty close to home--my husband nearly died from 2 heat attacks just a few weeks ago. He's recovering, slowly, but I had to face the very great possibility I was facing his death. HOWEVER, knowing exactly what he wants made me "plan" in a sense what he'd want.

Not to slam the mortuary businesses--they are in business to make money, just like any company. But they can hit you when you're most vulnerable and tender. I know my FIL's $20K funeral was ridiculous. He would have been so mad.

Preplan as much as you can. Then when the action is needed, you can be as calm as possible.

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My husband wants to be cremated and our local crematorium charges anywhere from $1100.00 and up depending on whether you want a service there, flowers, etc. I am presently paying monthly for a place to put the urn at a local monastery which is beautiful and which will cost $4000 but you could take your Mom's ashes and have a scattering of her ashes in the mountains or some other spot that was special to your her. Our faith doesn't allow for scattering of the ashes but if that isn't a problem for you then that would be an option. I also went online and found a reputable company who does cremations for $2400 and will ship them anywhere if that is something that you would prefer especially if you live across the States as we do.

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Check out "burial insurance for over 90". The first one I see is about $9 monthly. BUT, I do not know the specifics.

Twenty years ago when my husband ( 49 y.o.) passed away, I had purchased a burial policy for him. I think it had to be paid on for 2 years before the full amount was applicable. ( He had terminal cancer, so he had the policy for more than the required 2 years.) Of course, that policy cost much more monthly, and from grief, I way overdid the funeral for him because of having that policy ($ 30,000) and had not a clue of what things should cost.

My daughter works for a funeral home and said it should never have to cost more than around 6-7,000, for a full funeral. And yes there are many options to make it much less. If you decide on a burial and not cremation, I just recently was informed by a friend that you can buy caskets on-line for much cheaper than at a funeral home and have it directly sent to the funeral home. You can also buy a vault on-line.

I am not sure what the circumstances are that lead to your financially well-off brother unwilling to participate in the cost, but I would consider a funeral or ceremony or whatever you choose without him.

Remember a funeral, or lack of a funeral is all about those living. It is in honor of the deceased person, but it should be what is comfortable (financially and emotionally) for those surviving.

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Great answers from everyone. We just went through this with my sister. She had no money and no will. We had her cremated and she will get her wish to be brought out to sea at her favorite beach. We will gather some of her friends and honor her wishes. She is no longer in that body and had no use for it after she died. We looked for the cheapest cremation possible and found a caring crematorium. If you start researching now, you will be ready. No need to worry.

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Find out if your mom has life insurance that would help you out and cremation is best its less than doing the burial or mausoleum. You could keep the remains in a urn or bury them. When my mom passed 6 years ago I didn't know what to do with her remains I did do cremation and kept the urn with private cremation which means you are not present at the cemetery at the conclusion of the funeral, they take the body to the crematorium. These are your options

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When my father in law died we had him cremated. My sister and brother in law met my wife and me at the cemetery. We brought the ashes, a post hole digger, and our Bibles. My brother in and I had selected the same Scriptures. We opened the ground( country grave yard in the south,) deposited the remains, read the verses, and prayed.
It was simple and very satisfying. Later we had a grave stone installed.
Cremation is best.

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HOLD THE POLICY and google companies who offer free cremation services in the name of science and goodwill. Several are out there and they pick up the body; use what they can salvage; then cremate and send the ashes back to you. If ashes are not desired for whatever stupid reason, they will perform a mass scattering over an area she once loved. CHERISH HER NOW AND THE LIFE SHE HAS LIVED and let Mr Greedy, your brother know he can mark his calendar for his date with Hell!

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We didn't believe in prepaid funerals - however, I think it's kind of like life insurance - if your mother passes before you have completely paid it off, I think it is covered.

When my DH passed a couple of months back, I had him cremated, no embalming, and I got a Living Urn online with a Majestic Red Maple tree. Because the tree shouldn't be planted until Fall, I am planning to do this on his birthday, next month.

The cremation was $1300 and the Living Urn was another $159, including the tree. I am planning to put him and the tree in his garden area, he so loved to garden. Because he was a veteran, he received a free marker which I am allowed to place by his remains/tree.

We actually have a cemetery plot and headstone - but nothing says the body must be placed there and that would have cost a lot more money. This way, all I have to do is have his date of death put onto the headstone. At a later date, I can even have his veteran's marker placed at the cemetery if I so choose.

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check this out: us-funerals.com/funeral-articles/indigent-burials-and-cremations.html#.W2l72dVKiUk

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One of my favorite authors recently wrote ( in a murder mystery): "You do not have to have a funeral.Most people don't know that." BAM! It really hit me and sounded so logical and relaxed. All of my mom's friend are dead, we do not even live in her area anymore, who would come? So, I decided not to have a funeral for my mother (93) when she goes. Instead, I will have her cremated, hold a small memorial with close family, and scatter her ashes where my dad's are (per their wishes). I also called cousins to let them know and get their feedback. They approved.

So: simple, low-key, meaningful. Better.

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I don't want embalming - just burial in a cardboard box. Even so, the undertaker says at minimum it will still be $3,000. I think that's still too high.

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People don't know that there is a wide range of prices out there. We were able to negotiate a lower price with the funeral home because we were prepaying for the cremation and a biodegradable box. I brought them a quote from another funeral home in the next town, and they matched it. Many of the other suggestions here are very good.

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Have you considered donating your mother's remains to a medical school? I think this would be a wonderful tribute....your mom's remains could help train medical personnel, etc...Also, there are "Biopods." These are containers which are planted in the ground to grow a tree. The body is cremated and mixed with the soil. I know these two suggestions seem uncaring to some people; but for me, I love the idea of, even in death, helping other people and/or the environment.

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Donating your body for scientific research is not as easy as it sounds. A lot of people, including an uncle of mine, thought this would be a good way to die with no costs involved. When the time came, the school would not accept his body and we were left wondering what to do with the body until we realized that as a career veteran of the Vietnam war the VA buried him in a lovely Veteran's Memorial Cemetery at no expense to his family.

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I have a similar problem in that I have no life insurance and I don't want to saddle my sibblings with debt when I go. I can't save anything; I'm already on Title 19 and Medicare. They will take whatever I leave behind - house, car, all my belongings to recoup everything I've used over the years. (I've been on disability and could not work.) I, too, would like to know what happens when people have no means. I will say that when my mother died, the state took what little bit of cash she had, and would have taken the life insurance too, had we not already used it for the funeral - but the funeral did cost more. We had to come up with the rest of the money - in the thousands.
The county I live in changed their policy a number of years ago and say they will only pay for veterans to be buried, but no other indigent people. So, what does one do?

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I saw many people on various programs like yours buying pre-paid plans when I worked for a company that sold such plans. Check it out. It is also a way that you can utilize any little bit of money you might be looking at going over the maximum you can keep each month.

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Cremation is the simplest and least expensive route. My mother has plans that we are throwing a lavish 3 day fete in her honor when she dies, but she has no money for that and I don’t believe in throwing large funerals. Funerals are for the living and get tied up in guilt. Do the easiest and least expensive route and remember the good times with her.

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I agree - funerals are for the living - and money is for the living as well.

I apologize if I offend anyone, but I believe that throwing all that money into the ground is a waste. My sibling said "it's showing respect" to spend it - but I totally disagree. Respect is what they're supposed to show while the person is alive. Spending all that money on a funeral one cannot afford is salving their own conscience. I think that's what happened when my mother died. Some had refused to go see her in the past few years and they didn't seem to be concerned about how expenses were adding up...spending the money soothed their guilty conscience.

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Forgive me, but I'm not so worried about the funeral as I am about you potentially being ripped off by the prepaid funeral policy provider. When you say you are "now trying to pay monthly" what exactly do you mean? Have you already signed up to a policy, are you still trying to find one you can manage, or have you taken out a policy but are struggling to meet the payments?

If you have signed up, dang; so I hope you haven't.

Now look. What happens to mortal remains is subject to local laws; and what happens to mortal remains when neither the deceased person nor her interested relations have the money for a funeral is also something for which there will be local procedures. Look up what applies in your area.

When you say your solvent brother can't help, does he mean he's not inclined to help with the policy you've already taken out? If that is what he means, I don't blame him - these policies are often very bad value for money. But if he means he doesn't intend to contribute to his mother's funeral, he may find that it isn't optional. Again, you need to do a little research into local laws.

And you know what won't happen? Your mother's remains will not be treated with anything less than proper respect, whoever's paying. Rest your mind.

Please clarify what kind of policy you're talking about and what you've committed yourself to so far. Maybe there are ways round that, too.

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My wife and I decided that we would be cremated...So I bought policies for $4000 apiece for embalming, rental casket, showing and receiving of friends, use of the funeral home chapel for the funeral service with casket present and then the cremation process, handled by the funeral home staff. She died in 2017 and the funeral arrangements were just beautiful. The "bulletin" said "burial will be private."
Her ashes are in a nice container in the living room..

An upside to my eventual death is that the facts for my obituary, selection of rental casket, flowers, cremation and so on are already fully accomplished and my kids won't have to worry about any of those details.

However, had we not had enough money to pay for the aforementioned services, we could and would have just had a direct cremation, and at some later time, gathered in a chapel for a memorial service, and gotten by for about $1000.

Grace + Peace,
Bob.

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I am worried to death about having enough money to bury my mother. What do you do if there's not enough to take care of her funeral?

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