I feel horrible 😭.
Mum has dementia and alzheimer's and is worsening daily now. She has been with me for 12 months. My self and hubby live in a tiny 1 bed bungalow in the country. Mums behaviour is causing a problem with me seeing my granddaughter's, I have 2 days care centre support but hubby is at work so no time together (marriage is in trouble now) I have just been told I have damage to my discs in lumber region, no bloody support at all from brother or sister and I've lost £12000 a year in wages!!
I'm having to clean up wee all the time as mum won't go to the loo until she is desperately in agony and won't wee in her incontinence pants to save accidents.
I don't want to get up in the morning for another groundhog day.
Social care don't care as mums with me, keep being told council can't afford full time care. I can have carers 4 times a day, I don't want that. Respite is trying to be put in place and when it is I don't want mum to come home. I'm suffocating.
Sorry for rant, no one else even pretends to listen
Take breaths until you feel calmer. This IS solveable.
Can you arrange a discussion with Mum's primary Doctor?
I'd start there.
Either take Mum with you (if you can), arrange a telehealth call or go on your own when a carer/sitter is with Mum.
Do you have medical POA to discuss Mum's care?
If not, you can still go & discuss YOU. Discuss your stress levels, & ask for advice for your situation.
Keep it simple. Mum needs a lot of care now. I can provide some, but not all. I have aides too but I'm way too stressed. I need to take the next steps.
The Doctor can do or arrange a 'Needs Assessment'. (Called an aged care assessment where I live). This will identify the type of care facility needed. From assisted living, nursing home, memory care. This depends on what is affordable & available where you live of course.
Where I live, the next step - all the research & legwork, may be done by family or POA. Or by getting a referral to a licenced Social Worker to recommend a short list. Or even paying a private care service to do it all for you.
Getting overwhelmed can happen. The first step is working out what you want.
Many people are conflicted & say "I can't go on" but also say "I must keep on".
I've found when I spoke matter of fact, stated I could NOT keep on.. alternatives started to appear. I hope by reaching out you will find a new pathway.
"no bloody support at all"
She likely will not like this idea but hopefully might eventually adjust. You and your family dealing with this has reached a stage where this is very difficult for you on a daily basis. You have hopefully many years ahead of you that should be lived with a sense of order and the ability to function without such duress.
Her removal from your home is the only viable recourse. You can visit her. It may feel like a very tough decision certainly at first but ask yourselves do you want your lives to have quality to them and to be able to function as the adults at the ages you are and have a sense of a positive future.