She had a tube feeding put in because she didn’t want him to starve to death. Now she fights every issue for him. He has multiple bed sores and contractions. Numerous infections. The doctors are claiming they don’t want to continue care because they believe it is inhumane but no one can tell her he is in need of hospice care and comfort measures
She is doing what she feels is right.
You can not, nor should you project your feelings on her. You can support her. You can help him as much as you can within the scope or care that you can give.
If you do not feel that you can do this if you are working for an agency ask to be relieved of this client.
You are not going to change her mind
She may be fearful of living the rest of her life without him
She may be fearful of her "afterlife" if she does anything that may "hasten" his death, or if she does not do all that she can now.
If you believe, pray for her, pray for him that they are both relieved of their pain and suffering. They are both in pain, they are both suffering one physically one mentally.
If he has any say in his care at all he might be the only one that can get her to change course.
He will die sooner than later. Lets pray he passes soon in his sleep.
Even if he can express his own desires, I doubt she would honor them as I imagine she is scared to let him go.
If the medical professionals can't help her make the right decision and accept hospice care, all you can do is try and make him as comfortable as possible.
I think the saddest thing I have ever seen was her trying to so desperately to hold him here when he was ready to go. I loved my grandfather dearly - and I know it would break my heart to be in her position with my own husband. I don't even want to think about it. But at the same time- I would hope that I would be able to think about what was best for him and not myself at that time.
It breaks my heart for this lady, but also for her husband, because it sounds like he is suffering to some extent because his body is just worn out and ready to be done and she just can't let go. Does she have a pastor, any family or close friend that might be able to talk to her about this?
:(