I'm in my early 30s, and my father (72) has been in a nursing home since 2020. He has not walked and does not desire to walk. He does not care about his hygiene or life. He has given up on himself
He has been depressed for sometime and even though we have urged him to get help, he refuses and continues to suffer.
I try to see him once a month and will pick up my mother (70) to go see him. She is not all the way mobile, so usually when I see them both, it turns out to be an exhausting day for me.
He was able to walk before but refused to and now here we are. I grew up in a dysfunctional household (alcoholism, mental illness) and my parents decisions have left them lonely. They were good parents, but they just had their own issues. My dad was emotionally distant but he provided. I've done work on myself to unlearn disfunctional behavior but I struggle with my own mental health issues.
And each day seems like a battle to not succumb to depression because I know where it can lead. I've done therapy, try to exercise, pray, be creative, and eat healthy. But lately, those things don't seem like enough. I have a lot of resentment towards them both because I feel cheated out of being parented in my adult life. I look at my friends and their parents babysit for them, and have them over for the holidays. One day I do want to have children, but sadly they won't be able to be active grandparents.
(Ventingisback)
I just started caring for my mom and she’s kinda picky. I decided this could either take 10 years off my life in stress, or I could make the best of it, support her, and also myself. Our parents are the reason we are hear, but the do not need to be our reason for being here, We make our destiny, and truly they deserve our support, even if they do have vices. Treat them with respect, he provided for you, meaning he cares. Possibly look at it as not being cheated, maybe not being changed or influenced by his personality traits.
I want to recommend you start reading philosophy. I found an awesome book called “The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living”. Take the daily read on in the morning and think about it.
Here’s yesterday’s saying, “Trust me, real joy is a serious thing. Do you think someone can, in the charming expression, blithely dismiss death with an easy disposition? Or swing open the doors to poverty, keep pleasures in check, or meditate on the endurance of suffering? The one who is comfortable turning these thoughts over is truly full of joy, but hardly cheerful. It’s a exactly such a joy that I would wish for you to possess, for it will never run dry once you’ve laid claim to its source.” Seneca, Moral Letter, 23.4
Seeking Peace1, I leave you with much love, wisdom, health, and life. Each day is truly a gift. Don’t let anyone unwrap the gift but you, like they said above. Don’t let the outside unhappy make the inside unhappy. Go buy yourself some flowers today. Don’t wait for a boyfriend to go get em for you :)
Cheers and hugs,
Eskiemama