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I have read through these posts and just wanted to add my support. Nasty comments have no place here. I cant imagine having to care for a sibling after caring for my mom. Burnout is real. and you should trust your feelings and take care of yourself. Hugs!
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
It’s hard. Especially when you are caring for sibling and mom at the same time like I did. Sometimes I think my mom will outlive all of us! My brother was in his 60’s when he died. My mom is 93!
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Then don't you have to take care of your self maybe the is some help you can get ask around for him and just turn off your phone
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I think you answered your question. Some people are and others are not caretakers and can't be for some very valid reasons. You seem to have done your part but it is now known you can't continue. I think there are two options - I don't know the finances but perhaps a hired caretaker can take over handling him or if that is not possible, he should be placed into assisted living. I do not think you can or should attempt it because it will destroy you. Love him and support him but let someone else do the actual taking care of him - it cannot be you. Good luck.
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I understand the stress and the difficulties. Been there, done that. However, please be honest with yourself. Will there be more stress if you don't help care for him. Guilt can eat us alive. I pray you will be able to reach the right decision. You know what you can handle and what you can't. My heart goes out to you.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
He is clearly adding to her stress. I don’t know how she could feel better being responsible for him. No need for her to feel guilty if she chooses not to. I had to stop caring for my brother. Different circumstances and I was caring for mom at the same time. Too much. Just way too much to deal with!
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OMG, sounds similar to my brother. I don’t have easy answer but can empathize with you. My brother has lived with Mom his whole life. He was always the favorite. He is 52 this year; I am 50 and he was diagnosed with epilepsy in his early 20’s. He always had social awkwardness and issues growing up, but until his late 30’s he also was diagnosed having borderline schizophrenic pers. disorder.
My Mom has babied him his whole life and done everything for him. She divorced when we were barely teenagers and he was her “man of the house.” He has Never taken his epilepsy medicine responsibly since the beginning because he “feels” he only needs 1/2 the dose! Constant issue over the years as practically every other month he would get under the threshold in his body or forget a dose and he’d have to go to ER in ambulance so they could IV it.
Needless yo say when he had his 1st schizophrenic episode 20 years ago he was committed for a week under BakerAct. Upon discharge he lied to therapist and never took the meds they prescribed for him.
My Mom always made excuses for his behavior over the years. He did go on SSID awhile back so at least he has Medicaid to cover his frequent medical needs. I tried to get him out of the house years ago just to bag groceries or something so he could make friends, but to no avail.
Now our Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 6 years ago and 1 1/2 years ago I finally had to move her into skilled nursing facility. I have always thought the stress of dealing with him caused this. She is youngest of 3 sisters and only one with Alzheimer’s. Her parents lived into their 90s and she is only 75 (diagnosed at 69). So here I am spent over 4 years caring for my Mom during days while he did nothing at house for her. Stress is a killer! He only cares/ed about riding his bike to the Goodwills to look for old records, and couldn’t be bothered. I couldn’t move her to my house since did not have a room available and we have large dogs that she would not do well around.
Anyway I worry all the time now as Mom seems to be nearing the later stages of this disease is he going to be next. I have no other family around and I am left having to oversee he pays the household bills, etc. Moms old house is a pigsty I have to go over and clean up after him periodically. Meanwhile he has not bothered to visit Mom once of his own accord since she had to move out! I have to attribute it to his mentally ill brain, because otherwise it infuriates me! I am working full time, run a small business at home, And have to worry about him too since I am all he’s got.
I think as many times as he has bashed his head from seizures he is bound to end up with Alzheimer’s too and I won’t be able to deal with him. He is very stubborn; it was hard enough to set up auto debit so he could pay his own utility bills. Don’t think he would ever give me poa. Just wanted to wish you strength and hugs in this journey ahead. You are not alone out there. This site is invaluable just knowing that others can relate. Many hugs to you!
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Annie48,

God bless you. You have been through a lot. So sorry.
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Turn the ringer of your phone to "off." Take comfort in knowing that 2 doctors gave him the allergy diagnosis.
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