I don’t want her here anymore. Thoughts?

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I don’t want her here anymore. Thoughts?

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Stop hinting around to her. If she wants you to tell her it's time for assisted living, then do that.
Tell her that you want her to move to AL because you need to have your place to yourself again after everything you've been through.

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I hope you’ll gather the courage to talk with your mom. Let her know your love and concern, and also your own need to practice self care and time on your own. You’ve done a wonderful job of caregiving, it’s not wrong to need a change

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check in to respite care for her and in that period find a place for her. Place her when she leaves respite care. You never know, she might like it.

Be honest when you tell her you need your home and your health back. You don’t say your age, but if your mom is 101…. Bless you, you’ve got to take care of you now.

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She's not going to 'get it' until & unless you tell her the truth. After 10 years and suffering through cancer, you're done caring for her or anyone else in your home & you need your space back for yourself now. I love you mom, but it's time we live in different homes now. Tell her the truth and take your life back. You're entitled to be burned out and she's either being particularly dense on purpose or she just doesn't understand that she's a burden to you. Either way, it no longer matters. All that does matter is that you get her out of your house & settled into a nice apartment in an ALF for the rest of her remaining time here on Earth. You'll go visit her in the new place and become a daughter again instead of a 24/7 caregiver, and that will be a huge relief!

Just do it. You'll be happy once you're on the other side of this. You have nothing to feel guilty for, either. By caring for her in your home for 10+ years, you've already done more than the vast majority of us!!!

Good luck!

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I think, while difficult as it is to tell her, you need to do it if you want anything to change.

Regarding placing, I think now is fine. Yes there are different variants, and there always will be. But most residents in these senior communities are vaccinated. Yes people can still get sick, but not as bad, if vaccinated.

You need to think of your health too.
Have the talk, be supportive, show some brochures. It's a difficult challenge, but your future is counting on you.

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I’m sure your mom has no idea you feel this way. You need to tell her that you would enjoy your relationship more if you weren’t living quite so close to one another. Tell her that her comments relating to your granddaughter bother you.

This might, however, not be the best (safest) time for a move for her to more communal living.

Can you start by getting away, yourself, to ease your burnout? You may be happy(ier) to see her when you return.

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When will be a 'good' time for mom to move? Next year? The year after that? When covid is no longer around? That can be YEARS away! NOW is the time for mom to move into AL and take her chances like the rest of the world is doing. At 100+ years old, she's already lived much, much longer than the vast majority of humans!

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thank you for understanding.

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Choose some AL's, and tell her she requires more care than you can provide.
Pick two that she can choose.

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Oh my heart breaks for you. This is extremely high stress. Your self care and health are important, too. Sadly, your mom will probably never realize that you are suffering. I think you need to make it clear that you can no longer take care of her in your home. Let her know that your health is fragile and she needs to be in another living environment “in case” something happens to you. Please start the process of self care. You need relief and restoration. Sending a hug and hope to you!🌺

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I don’t want her here anymore. Thoughts?

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