Everything passes through her including meals and chores. I'm not sure how to get through this. She is very headstrong and stubborn and needs to control all situations. I have no say so in anything and if I do express my feelings I'm being "ridiculous". Not sure how long I can take this.
But sometimes, maybe most of the time, we need to hear someone tell us it's OK to: stop feeling guilty, say no and mean it, stop being a doormat, stop waiting for others to pitch in, etc, etc. This forum is excellent, but having your own special person and time, to be 'heard' and helped, is priceless. I have my own therapist, too. Most of us in this profession do, because we know it helps. We find the time or make the time to go and unload our heads and hearts. Do it for yourself.
I just wanted to mention that "Give a Hug" is an option, not a name. The names are above the "Give a Hug." If you click on "Give a Hug," you will see that you can send a little "hug" and message.
Hang in there. It sounds like you really have your hands full. It is so cool that this site let's us talk over so many miles! I am in central Pennsylvania--just a few stops before the end of the universe..
Please check back often and let us know how your are doing.
Carol
So, first step, as has already been mentioned her, go to a therapist. I did and all I could say was: what was i waiting for? It helped so much. and I still go if I need to.
Look, caring for an elderly parent with mental illnesses is hard and frustrating, there is no way to disguise it so you need help and also, and probably more important, you need to help yourself stay healthy both physically and mentally or else you wont be able do what it's needed.
Please, when you read this answers, let us know a bit more of your situation so we can give you some advise. I'm just telling you this because I have my 91 year old mother with dementia living with my husband and I since February of 2012. I'm the only one caring for her personally every day but my husband of 41 years and my youngest daughter, who lives next door, help a lot, my siblings have totally forgotten about us, they don't give a rat's a... about this situation so I stopped asking, I haven't talk to either of them in more than 2 years.
You need to find a way to do something you love to do, if you don't take care of yourself, you wont be able to care for your mother.
I hope you can give us a bit more information.
Yes you have to assume control and keep track of things this does involve a lot of work and some people tell me I am a control freak But if I didn't keep a strict diary for carers and doctors and health people plus my own now very much reduced
activiities life would be totally out of control.
Sorry to ramble on but there is life at end of tunnel
Best Wishes Kevin
Figure out what you are willing and able to do, and what you are NOT willing or able to do, then make those limits clear. It might help you to write down (for your own benefit) what those limits are, so you will stick to them yourself. Maybe you and Mom will agree on certain things, but she will balk at others. You have to be firm about this. She won't change right away in her expectations but once she sees that you won't be pushed around, she will adjust because she will have to.
Expect her to resist. It helps if you ask her what's the most important few things to her, because then she won't feel like you're ramming a whole new regime down her throat. You might have to start with a few limits, then gradually add more. Keep the goal in your mind of being the one who is really in charge.
If you are an adult and are in your own home, then things are done your way.