I feel soooo worn out and alone. What can I do to improve my non-existent life?

I jumped past your first question, and didn't realize that your Mom has passed already, so my initial response was all wrong. Relative are there by blood only. In my opinion, if they are not quality people, sweep them on our of your life and make good friends that bring you joy.
Thanks RealyReal and cxMoody for letting me know I need to slow down and read or get a head-exam, whichever comes first. You caught me when I could still edit. How good is THAT?

Being single and child free, you were probably "selected" to care for your mom by dint of your "FREE" status. Your brothers probably presumed because you are "a girl" with "no family" that your life was the easiest to offer for sacrifice. I have no doubt you loved your mom and she loved you, but caregiving sort of leaves you in a lurch after the person you cared for dies. And even if your brothers had participated in care, they go back to their other interests while you are left to pick up pieces with no one to even inquire about you. I get it. It's called singlism. Just listen to politicians....they go on and on about "families and kids" but NEVER spare a word about the single population whose efforts go unnoticed and unrepaid. With that: Notice yourself!! Take yourself out to lunch. Treat yourself to a massage. I know that it will difficult on a single person's retirement stipend (yes, housing costs just as much if you are single or coupled, but in the case of a single, we pay for it out of one income instead of two). Try to take the time to enjoy what you have and be grateful that you don't have to care for an aging spouse or snot-nosed brat! :)

Maybe volunteer somewhere and make friends. Or take a class and make friends.

Honestly, it sounds like you are experiencing some depression. Have you considered speaking with a therapist for ways to forge ahead.

I totally agree with Alva, ditch your family if they aren’t going to be close. Or how about, accepting them for who they are and not allowing them to cripple you from moving forward. Sure, in an ideal world, everyone would have a loving and supportive family with similar values in common. That isn’t always the case.

Work with a therapist to concentrate on YOU and healing any past issues, in order to progress to a better place in your life.

Plus, you never know how things will end up with your siblings down the road, but If you and your siblings remain going in separate directions, so be it. Take control of your own life.

Take baby steps. Nothing is solved overnight. It takes time to build a life that you will be content and productive.

Honestly, there is a great need of senior caregiving for stay at home low income status folks. The minimum wage is available hourly & paid by the state. Each client would apply for tasks to be assisted with based upon their actual needs & they could vary from garden care to grocery shopping or light duty housekeeping. You could gain some income while keeping as busy or not so busy for another person who is less agile. Often times, trying out a new hobby like playing an instrument or photography, writing poetry, bird watching or bowling helps with the social needs. I have found that keeping busy helping others after someone close has passed away is beneficial for everyone. Family & friends who are married & do not caregive just won't always understand what kind of solitude you are dealing with.

You, my dear, exhibit the classic signs of depression. Isolation, no
interest in anything, sitting all day. You must pull yourself up and see your doctor to describe your situation and feelings. Get on an antidepressant knowing it will take 3-4 weeks to show results. But you will begin to feel better. But also you MUST include some sessions of talk therapy along with that. Better days are ahead if you make the first steps. Right now depression is crippling any desire to change. I’ve been there and can attest to the power of doing both. We care. Please know life can improve. Then you can join groups and make contacts and friends. This is where a therapist can help you. Hugs

I agree with those who said that family is just that, family. You didn't choose them and if they are disappointing you at every turn, move on from them. Don't shut them out completely but leave the ball in their court. If they want to see you let them phone you and make plans. That's what I've done with my family. I don't allow them to dictate or disappoint me anymore.

As for making your life more interesting. Only you can change this. I'm in the same boat in a way. I have a spouse but he's not my world. A lot of times we have different ideas of what is entertaining. We're not attached at the hip and sometimes I need to pursue my own interests. Sometimes it's just a matter of trial and error. Try something and if it doesn't float your boat, try something else. Sometimes something may not sound like your cup of tea but after a while you may grow to like it. I know covid restrictions makes this harder but hopefully these will lifted soon.

Good luck!

As others have said, you first must deal with your depression. I don't believe you realize it, but that's what is preventing you from improving your "non-existent life."
Will it take some hard work on your part? You betcha! But it will be so worth it when you make the effort.
Only you can make the changes needed to improve your life, not your brothers. They have their own lives to worry about.
So get out of your recliner, call your Dr. to make an appointment for your depression, or schedule appt. with therapist(or both), and get out there and start enjoying your life. Life is way too short and precious, to waste it staying in your house all day.
Once you get to feeling more like your old self with medication and some therapy, there will be no stopping you. Wishing you happy trails ahead.

It sounds as if your are depressed and/or still grieving. I was pretty much locked up in my house for the last year only going out for essentials or making an emergency delivery to my mom's AL facility. I also still have a problem getting outside - but have been doing better lately - though I still sit around in my SOMA Jammies on days I don't leave the house. I myself have suffered anxiety most of my life mixed in with occurrences of depression on and off. It can paralyze you.

You really should see a therapist to help you move forward - if you have a computer you may be able to telehealth it - baby steps. You need to take care of yourself because you are worth caring for. Take some time to pamper yourself. Just sitting on my deck in the shade reading makes me feel better.

I spent most of the last year trying to get back to quilting and reading but I admit other than that I did very little.

Maybe after you feel better you can have a better relationship with your siblings - keep the door open.

May you be blessed.

My heart goes out to you since I have experienced anxiety and depression. As others have suggested, talk to your doctor; medication can truly make a difference. A good counselor can help, too. I am using BetterHelp.com. You can choose phone, email or FaceTime sessions. My counselor is perfect for me. Also, I have decided we have to create our own family. Depending on our blood relatives can sometimes be disappointing! The following has helped me:
1. Give medication time to work.
2. Do simple exercise like walking each day.
3. Write out on paper what you would like your life to look like. Read it every week.
4. Do something for yourself; new shoes; new haircut; new bedding, etc..
5. Push yourself to go to one social event. Reward yourself afterwards…even if you had a miserable time.
6. Get involved in a job or volunteer program where you are helping others less fortunate.
7. Remember that isolation is not healthy for your mind.
I know these seem overwhelming when you are alone and in the routine of little contact with the outside world. It’s so much easier to give into depressive thoughts than to go out. Just do one of the seven a day (well… take any meds daily!). If I can do this… anyone can. I’m already so impressed that you reached out on this forum! I’m excited to hear back from you! You can do this! Warmly ~ Sunny ☀️

I think the covid year pushed a lot of people into extreme isolation, regardless of being an introvert or extrovert, because the social habits we once had were gone. I'm learning about humanistic theory and self-actualization in school right now and this week the prof shared this video. https://youtu.be/OKJImnk-gzQ

I had no idea the actor Matthew McChonaughey was giving inspirational speeches but he has a knack for it. It's only 5 minutes long. He says that while achieving a fulfilling life is difficult, there are some first steps we can take.

When I was at my lowest point during caregiving, I watched many motivational/inspirational seminars. Even if I couldn't achieve all the things these successful people were talking about, I got a big mental boost from watching the videos and started crawling back towards life. Can you put something uplifting on? Humans are amazing and we can come back from darn near anything.

You may need medication, or supplements, for physical or psychiatric symptoms and reaching out for help determining that would be a good first step, too.

I wouldn't start with medication. I would start with a re-integration into society. See if there is a dementia caregiver support group in your area. Maybe start by going to the gym . Take a yoga or spin class. Lift weights and talk to people working out around you. check out the library for a book club.
That will probably help lift some of the depression. If it doesn't then you should go see someone about depression.

I don't think it's depression, it sounds like a temporary loss of purpose and lack of human interraction. Get a part-time job where you must interract with lots of different people. You'll have a place you have to go outside your home, you'll be busy, and the human contact and labor will energize you and take you out of yourself. It worked for me, I highly recommend it.

As most people her has suggested you may be suffering from depression. Maybe you should schedule a physical and then talk to your doctor about how you are doing. Also I would suggest church. It is a great way to meet friends and just be around people who care. I wish you well and will be praying for you. I know it’s hard life is at times but it will get better.

Everybody has had a mental health impairment with COVID-19. So feeling a bit like a "shut-in" or "cabin fever" or "depressed" is very understandable. Not everybody is ready to resume normal life either. So, be gentle with yourself and others while all of society "resets".

In the meantime, do things to connect with others that ARE ready to connect. Get a part time job that you would enjoy. Find a group people with similar interests and meet with them. Maybe consider meeting with a counsellor if you feel "stuck". Maybe try out going to a worship service.

Your family has stepped away from you. That is hard. Stop reaching out to them because you will, in all likelihood, continue to be disappointed. As you said, "...they don't want to bother with anyone else's issues." If you are so inclined, send birthday and holiday cards but put the ball in their court to pick up the phone.

Reaching out on this forum means that you want help. We all need help and human connection! This is a supportive community of caring people.

There are lots of places in the community where you can go. I love my library and go there to read the newspapers, browse the new books, and borrow movies and music. Talk to the librarian about your interests and they can help you discover a whole new world. Maybe interacting one-on-one is less of a commitment than groups right now.

Learning something new can help. Check your local paper for businesses that offer classes in something that piques your interest. Pottery? Painting? Jewelry making?

Do you have a pet? If not, do you want a pet?? If you can't have a pet, volunteering at an animal shelter is rewarding.

Make an effort every day to be kind to yourself and treat yourself well. Go for a walk. Take a bubble bath. Have a cup of herbal or fruit tea before bed. Finding little bits of pleasure in doing ordinary things for yourself because you are the most important person in your life!

You said one sibling doesn't want to bothered by anyone elses "issues". Your siblings should not be expected to fix your "issues". It would be nice if they were willing to help, but they are not. It is now up to you to fix your own "issues". Perhaps your siblings are avoiding you due to do any negativity you project...even if it is unintentional? You really should seek medical help. I've been diagnosed with situational depression so I empathize with you and don't judge you.

You say you want to join events but then"back out". Sometimes the brain does not allow us to fulfill our desires (pysically or psychologically). Then you feel guilt and more depressed because you backed out and feel defeated. I think if you see a doctor and let some meds "kick in" you will be in a better frame of mind to start exercising or attending events. If you are adverse to taking meds, think of it as a temporary fix...until you feel more like yourself then see if your and doctor can wean off.

Caregiverhelp11, I hear you loud and clear. My parents have passed and I too am alone and seeking healthy Christian friendships. Feel free to contact me and we can chat. You are not alone.

I feel for you do you like animals? I wasn’t a cat person but on my own and took in a stray cat and it was the best decision in my life I love her to bits and they are great company or if you don’t like cats a dog? Why don’t you try volunteering that way you get to meet people and get involved with different things I’ve always said when I retire I will volunteer for an animal shelter honestly it’s worth a try

I am so sorry to read this. I get this! I worry I too will end up in the same circumstance as you when my mom passes. She is 88. My life is my moms life at the moment. She is out of memory care and in an assisted living building but requires a lot of attention from me to stay reasonably happy. At 70 I am single. My only child lives far away. A sibling is busy with his life. What I have done is join a church and force myself to attend weekly. I even joined church committees. I moved myself into a retirement community {sold my condo}…I now live in a high rise apartment building where I am forced to interact with others. I go to the onsite gym every week day…another interaction with people. I too could stay in my house and be online or watch TV but I know that is not healthy for a long life. You might benefit from an antidepressant. I really believe being depressed after a parent dies, especially when you were the caregiver is expected. I hope you can slowly climb out of this lonely place.. God Bless you..

Caregiverhelp11: I, too, was once struggling after two of my good friends passed away. Perhaps you can find friends on social network sites. Attempt to keep your mind occupied. Best wishes.

It sounds like you need to take care of you. Check in your County to see if they have any Social Services that include Caretaker Support. They may offer activities for those who would participate, but more importantly, they may provide you with a counselor who will help you deal with your feelings of isolation. You are important, you are worthy, you are a nice person. Love yourself, and don't worry about the others. We all have our share of tragedies and illnesses. Some folks handle it better than others. You don't have to carry anyone else's burdens, so concentrate on yourself for now. Healthy eating, social engagement for fun things, long walks or other forms of exercise. Heal yourself now, and give yourself as much time as you need to begin to reclaim your joy. Be well, and be happy.

I stopped wishing I could talk to my siblings about the crises I managed the best I could while they enjoyed their lives. I tried to keep my mom independent but it was a sinking ship the whole time, I now realize. One of my siblings shut me up right quick with "Don't tell me how to grieve" when I dared mention things that had happened, and the other had simply cut off relations with her years ago and was uninterested. Both argued, when I used to open up to them, that their problems superseded all else. 

So I understand what others glibly call depression here. All the wise expressions in the world (let go and let god, grant me the wisdom to know the difference, etc.) do nothing to lift the crushing burden of sad memories and of being born into a dysfunctional family. There *are* functional families - - I've seen them in action. But mine is a far cry, a muffled whimper, from how things could have or should have been. 

I agree with another here that moderate exercise can help, though. As for drugs, I don't know that course but imagine you're on them for the rest of your life, which doesn't sound like a solution. I also agree with others who say get *involved* in something out there -- a p/t job, volunteering, etc. For sure you have the right to be happy. From what you've said here, you've earned it.

Many people have felt this way during Covid. Caretakers feel this way after losing a parent. Put them together and your loneliness feels exponential.

Feeling a little down is normal. Unless it is necessary, avoid adding your name to the millions on anti-depressive medications, which may dull your emotions (and potentially make you feel worse overall) while at the same time causing a litany of side effects.

Don’t despair! Your future friends are out there, waiting to meet you and feeling lonely too.

Forget about the siblings and relatives that haven’t extended any return invitations. You’ve made your effort there- apparently this isn’t the greatest “investment” of your time - so let that go, while feeling satisfied, knowing you’ve done your best. Lots of us have found that once the bond that held us together (our parents) is gone, we really don’t have that much in common with our siblings.

Rather than joining groups to meet people, join groups because you love the underlying activity. That way, you’ll meet the “right” people for you who share the same interests. If you feel like you’ve already done this, keep trying. Focus on the activity (not the people) and the friends will fall into place.

Remember to appreciate the gift of time alone. There are many people reading your question who may be envious of your ability to have the time for a good book or your ability to control the remote. (I haven’t been able to “really” choose a program for about 18 years-during normal “waking” hours). There are plenty of horrible marriages, abusive parent-adult child relationships and overscheduled calendars. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but don’t forget it is nice and green (to everyone else) right where you’re standing.

This is the perfect time to reinitiate life: start a book club, create an urban hiking club, or revitalize a bunko group in the neighborhood. If you organize others, you will be part of their loneliness solution.

if you don’t have a pet, they can be wonderful and entertaining companions!

Personally I have found it very rewarding to work on charity projects in my community. (These will fill your calendar fast)! When life has fully reopened, there will be no shortage of schools and shelters, religious institutions, and even hospitals that would appreciate your time and talents. In the meantime, drop off dinner to someone undergoing surgery or newly mourning. It will make you (and them) feel better.

Sounds like you are depressed. Please seek professional help.

Great things don't come from comfort zones! Get out, get moving, get busy!

I have to agree that you are exhibiting classic signs of depression. I know because I have had clinical depression in the past. The feeling that nothing will get better, the loss of interest in activities, the isolation. I strongly encourage you to make an appointment with a psychiatrist as soon as possible so you can be properly diagnosed. The preferred treatment is talk therapy and medication. This does not mean you have to be on medication the rest of your life. It is to help you during your current situation. It may take some time to find the right medication or combination of medicines that are effective for you. Don’t give up. Things can and will get better. I was so depressed I attempted suicide, because I thought I was a burden to my family. That was 15 years ago. I have since had the joy of seeing 2 of my sons get married and I now have 7 grandchildren whom I adore. Hope is very hard to hold on to when you feels so bad, but please seek immediate treatment and eventually hope will return. If you need to talk, I am available. Bless you on your journey to recovery.

Take the challenge to read the Bible every day and listen to what God says to you!

If you are a social person and enjoy being around others I suggest getting a job in retail. You will be around all types of other employees as well as customers. This will provide multiple advantages. Social aspect, kill time, make some money, give you a routine. Who knows, maybe you will make some friends. If you can find someplace close to home you could even walk there and incorporate some exercise.
that’s another thing I would suggest - exercise is the best medicine. Just adding a daily walk will give you some much needed joy. Don’t give up. You are in a rut and this will pass but you need to make an effort to step out of it. If you can afford counselling it will be beneficial.

If you are the least bit religious join a church and you will find many similar people you can connect with. Also, meetup.com is a great way to meet people casually. Or, join the YMCA to get some exercise, free with Medicare.