I find myself being short tempered with my husband (81). He sits all day and has dementia. I am 66 and have a full time job. Advice?

Unfortunately this is common when
one spouse is much older than the other. The older is aging and requires caretaking while the younger one is still active. This isn’t going to get better. No point in arguing with him.

Is he being left alone? You won't be able to leave him long term. His brain is dying little by little. Do you expect him to do certain things while your working? He probably doesn't remember. Your situation will not get better. Maybe, since u must work, you will need to place him. You will be considered a Community Spouse. Not sure how it works when one spouse is working. Medicaid allows for splitting of assets. His split going for his care. When its spent down Medicaid can be applied for at which time his SS and any pension will be required to offset his care. If needed, you will get partial or even all of it to live on.

We read about this challenge often on this forum.

What is your current care situation? Does he go to adult day care or are there aids that come in while you're not there?

You know he now has a cognitive disease that causes him to lose more and more of his prior self with each passing day. He can't help it. It would help the both of you if you educated yourself about the type of dementia he has so that you can use engagement strategies that will make daily life less stressful for the both of you. You should not be "reacting" to him as if he's his old self (much easier said than done!)

Teepa Snow is a dementia and care expect on YouTube. I've learned a lot from her videos. It is not easy to retrain yourself to deal with an LO in a new way. If he broke his leg and couldn't walk, you wouldn't be short tempered with his inability to get around. Your husband's brain in broken. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey.

He constantly reminds me how he “busted his balls” for years and no one worked as hard or did all the things he did! I just get angry and remind him how my job as an ER nurse is just as tough. In my head I am saying you selfish man and I am doing everything for you