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My parents are 87 yrs old with dementia living at home. I’m their daughter who lives across town, I go over to visit every other day. I organize their pill boxes weekly. Sometimes they forget to take their meds and I give them a hard time about it.


I discovered hidden in a cupboard wrapped in tissue, a few days worth of both parents meds. Of course I was puzzled and upset. Are they giving up? Tired of taking these meds? I have not approached them yet. I need advice on how to handle this difficult situation! Thanks. ACM. (Only sibling in town )😬.

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Your parents have Dementia. You will not be able to reason with them. Are the meds important? At their age cholesterol meds can be dropped. Maybe you are going to have to go everyday to make sure they are taking their pills. It may be time to be thinking about an AL facility. If they are not taking meds they may not be eating or drinking either.
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Judysai422 Oct 2019
Good answer JoAnn.
Also, a medical professional or social worker needs to determine whether they are forgetting meds occasionally and hiding to avoid being scolded or if they no longer want to take meds and should be evaluated for hospice. We also do not know if anyone has medical POA.
But at the very least, these folks should not be on their own...and it will only get worse.
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This is a sign that they are no longer able to self administer their meds. I, too, carefully filled my dad's pill box each week and he would randomly take pills from the box. He couldn't remember if he'd taken his meds for the day, or maybe he'd take Tuesday's meds on Monday and then on Tuesday figure he'd already taken them, or sometimes drop them and they'd be on the floor so he'd "borrow" a few from a different day. And this was during a time when he managed to be in his own home, cook simple meals, and take care of all of his ADL's except keep track of medications. I tried giving him a reminder each day and that didn't work as once we hung up the phone he would just do the same thing. Unless you can physically remove all the meds (I had hidden all my dad's except the ones in the pill box) and have someone administer them each day all the admonishments and reminders to your parents won't help.
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We were using those weekly pill boxes fro my mom as well, one for morning pills one for evening but she got to the point where she would get too confused about the time of day or forget if she had taken them or not and not know what day it was, causing her to double dose or forget all together, though we quickly started checking in to resolve that. Anyway a few times she would put the pills she wasn’t sure if she should take or not “safely away somewhere” in an effort not to waste them and I suspect hoping she could hide it from us that she might have missed or was confused about her pills. The management of her meds was a real sticking point with her, she held on to that tighter than driving. Anyway we solved all of that with one of those round auto pill dispensers, I got it on EBay at a big discount from new but it would have been worth the $60 or so new too. It gives access to her morning pills at the time we choose but prevents her from getting to any others so its easy for her to tell if she has taken them or not (it has a blinking red light and beeps when it’s time too) and there is no chance she will take the wrong ones at the wrong time, she loved it from the get go! We also have a camera set up over her Medicine table, all her medicine lives on that table (she’s diabetic too) the pill dispenser and a glass she pours the pills into and swells them out of the glass (she had a habit of carrying them around in her hand for a long time otherwise) so either my brother or I can remotely check in and see if she has taken her pills and shot and call her to remind her if she hasn’t, it has worked really well for us and allowed her to stay in her home longer than she would have been able to without the oversight. Eliminated the fighting and tension as well, the power struggle over independence/dependence, we have learned to be less challenging and get out concerns across with more humor which gets her cooperation rather than heel digging on things, she still feels the independence of control over her life with a little assistance (a little, hahaha) anther than feeling like we are simply taking control away. It’s been a process and it’s an ongoing one but we have all learned how to adapt to the new challenges as they come up better than we were, it’s so much less stressful.
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I don't think it's anything as straightforward as your parents wanting to give up or being tired of taking meds. I think the culprit here is their dementia. People in certain phases of dementia are know to hide their things, stash them away for whatever reason. That the pills weren't just tossed into the trash (which be much easier to get away with from the prying eyes of their adult daughter) but placed in tissue and hidden away in a cupboard leads me to think it's the dementia. They probably don't remember hiding the pills.

This is going to be another hurdle for you to jump. I wish I could tell you how.
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This is a red flag, a sign that they are no longer capable of living alone. If they were in AL, their meds would be distributed to them, no not taking them.

Actually some people with dementia hide the meds because they are afraid of running out and they think that they will die if they don't have them.

Most likely they have no clue where they put them.
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What is with the Wrapping of things in tissue paper and then hiding them? My Grandmother with Dementia used to do this too, and I have heard it time and time again here on the forum also! Whether it be pills or their hearing aids, jewelry, money, or silly little things like children's bubble gum toys (that was a favorite of my Grandmothers), and always hiding them too! For you it was their medicine, but now that you have found this "trick" of theirs, always be sure to double check the balls of tissue paper you find, as you never know what you will find in them!

As to "what to do", I doubt that there is much you can do except monitor them more closely, think reminder calls or some sort of alarm system, get a locked timed dispenser, getting additional in home care, or begin thinking of Assisted living for them, which will likely be financed by selling their home, unless they have well funded retirement income. I hope that you have POA for both Medical and Financial, if not do it NOW before it is too late!

Assisted living will be most helpful for you, in that they would be monitored and it would take a lot of of your plate in the everyday management of them, but of course you will still be involved in their care, but it would allow you to be their daughter again, and not their full time Caregiver.

I definitely would consider it, and begin the process of looking into it, as the sooner they are place in the downhill spiral of Dementia, the easier it is for them to adjust to their new surroundings. It is only going to become more and more difficult from here for you, medication mistakes are just the beginning! Please don't become another Burnout Caregiver as it will eat up your whole life, and that is going to become a repeat theme you will hear, here on the forum, we all want You to remain healthy in the Caregiver Marathon! Good luck!
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If they’re not supervised, then there’s no way they will take their meds. They need 24/7 care. I have to keep going back several times some days to give mother her meds & I live with her & primary caregiver. When she used to understand, I was able to leave it for her & go out. That was 4 years ago...For you, it’s time to get full time care for parents. Hugs 🤗
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It might be time to realize they can not live alone, at least full days.
Forgetting to take medication, not knowing what to do with the medication, being confused as to when and how to take it is the tip of the iceberg.
What else is going on that you are unaware of?
Does the stove get left on?
Does either of them wander? A walk around the block now might not be a problem but what happens when one or the other can not find their way home?
Does either of them drive?
A caregiver, or "companion" might help during the day if they do not need "hands on care" a companion can not give medications but they can remind, put the medication in front of them and watch that it is taken,
Are they safe in the house? Or is it time to consider Assisted Living that may transition into Memory Care?
Is there Adult Day Care in your area that they could go to a few days a week? That would keep them occupied and socializing. Some Memory Care Facilities have Day Care..with the hope that if it came to placing someone you would select that place since the person would know the staff, the facility and the routine.
I would not quiz them about hiding or hoarding the medications as they probably have no recollection that it was done.

By the way you might want to discuss with their doctors what if any of the medications can be discontinued. Given that they both have dementia, a condition that will not get better and is not curable, maybe some of the medications are not necessary any longer. Is a medication for lowering cholesterol doing either any good? if they are taking medication for the dementia to slow the progression, is that doing any good (if it ever did)? I would discontinue any medications that are not actually needed. But do so under the direction of the doctor, some have to be withdrawn slowly.
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How advanced is the dementia? Could they have devised to stop taking meds or is this more a losing/hiding/misplacing things? Are there other things missing? My dad takes what my brother terms a “stupefying” number of meds, many of which we’d like to see discontinued as they’re from an army of specialists that admit they have nothing to offer anymore but sure keep him coming back. My dad won’t stop any of them, though he says he knows many who have stopped the meds and say they feel fine without them.
See if swallowing pills has become difficult, if there are side effects you aren’t aware of, anything like that. Maybe they are just tired of taking meds and not seeing or feeling any benefits. And maybe the dementia is causing more issues than you’ve seen before
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Please don't "give them a hard time". You have said they have Alzheimer's, so doing so will make them anxious and worsen their condition quite a lot often enough.
The first thing to do is to speak to them calmly, gently, quietly and with much love. "Mom, I found yours and Dad's medications wrapped in some tissue, and not taken. Can you tell me about that". To be frank, were they attempting with rationality not to take them they would have disposed of them in a manner in which you would not have found them.
You have said that you feel it is a possibility they have given up. I think the more "likely" explanation is that this is "the disease". And they may not be able to stay alone safely and with assurance that their pills are taken at this point. I shudder to think you are the only sibling in town. You go now every few days. It may be, if you cannot enlist help, that you are down to once a day, and that all pills must BE once a day meds (which means trip to doc if they are more than that).
I think the main thing here is that the two of them may soon not be safe alone at home. I shudder to think it and I know you do, as well.
Start with finding out if they are in control of this. Only way to know if they even know the answer to that is to gently ask them. Do not SCARE them. Simply ask them. Good luck. Update us if you will, as I am so curious is there is a rational explanation.
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