Just want to say as one who was adopted and has a daughter my husband adopted. The adoption papers say that the parent has given up any rights to the child and the child has given up rights to the parent. Meaning a child given up for adoption can make no claims on the bio parents. They cannot contest a Will.
My daughters bio Dad died in 2016. His sister and brother were next of Kin. There was 25k insurance policy where bio Dads father was beneficiary and he had died. A lawyer requested a copy of my daughters adoption papers. It was found my daughter was not entitled to any insurance money. Any inheritance she is entitled to is from her adopted Dad. He is her legal father.
Ontario is a big place. The only way you may find her is if she receives mail at the NH. An internet search may find her. But, does she want to be found? There was a lot of shame put on women when they had a child born out of wedlock back in the 40s, 50s, and 60s. The men/boys usually got off scott free, no shame for them. My grandfather paid a girl off my Uncle got pregnant. My Uncle never paid a dime in child support.
Dawn, this sounds like such a personal decision, that I really think only you can answer, there really is no right or wrong, it's what ever is best for you and you alone, are the only one that can answer it.
I was adopted as an infant (closed adoption, don’t know/care who my birth parents are). If I were in your shoes I’d just let sleeping dogs lie. I don’t see any possible positive outcome from seeking this woman out.
I hope that you have good adoptive parents and were raised with love and support. There are things you need to SERIOUSLY consider: ‘What do you hope to accomplish? Do you really want to question a frail old woman about decisions she made many years ago? Why has she never attempted to contact you; does she even want that? DO NOT romanticize this!! Why is she in a nursing home - is she cognizant? How will this impact her life and her family? I have several friends who either found biological parents or were found by them and none of them went well. Especially the ones who were found by children they gave up for adoption. Sometimes the best decision is to do nothing and in my opinion that’s what you should do.
I was adopted by my Moms husband. My bio father knew about me but chose not to want to be involved. He could have found me anytime he wanted. I chose not to try and contact me.
When it comes to adoption, both people need to want to see each other.
Before even considering contacting her, you need to consider why she's in a NH. If she is cognitively impaired, you showing up might possibly really confuse her. You may not get whatever it is you seek, if she can't process who you are your give you any information. You are still a total stranger to her.
I arranged a meeting between my best friend in high school and her birth Mom (back when adoptions were closed) because it turned out she was in Minneapolis (where I was living) and my friend was still in NJ. The birth Mom was extremely upset to be contacted. Upset for a long time. Her family never knew she gave birth. The bio father was a family friend who was married at the time. Just telling you this so you don't romanticize anything about what you may be thinking of doing.
I never gave up a baby for adoption, but I can assure you that when I'm declining in a nursing home, the last thing I'd want is for someone to show up and claim that I'm their mother. Leave the lady alone. If she wanted to know you, she'd have found you long ago.
Silently thank her for giving you life, and hold her warmly in your thoughts.
!!! There can be huge closure for BOTH of them if they meet. Many mother's who give up their child for adoption live with shame and regret forever. And we adoptees have every right to search for our biological family and meet them.
You say, "If she wanted to know you, she'd have found you long ago." !!!! Besides being a terribly insensitive statement, it's also incorrect in that it can be impossible to find a child given up for adoption as there are still states where records are sealed. I had to hire someone at a high cost to steal my real birth certificate. THOSE are a few of the hoops we jump through to get answers!
Just because you would never want a child you gave up for adoption to find you in a nursing home "claiming you are her mother" does not mean OPs biological mother does not. Having no firsthand experience in this matter, you can't possibly understand the complicated emotions involved on BOTH ends!
What would you like to accomplish with this knowledge? Are you prepared if your birth mother isn’t capable of meeting or understanding who you are now? Or if her family isn’t receptive? There are many variables to consider
My daughters bio Dad died in 2016. His sister and brother were next of Kin. There was 25k insurance policy where bio Dads father
was beneficiary and he had died. A lawyer requested a copy of my daughters adoption papers. It was found my daughter was not entitled to any insurance money. Any inheritance she is entitled to is from her adopted Dad. He is her legal father.
Ontario is a big place. The only way you may find her is if she receives mail at the NH. An internet search may find her. But, does she want to be found? There was a lot of shame put on women when they had a child born out of wedlock back in the 40s, 50s, and 60s. The men/boys usually got off scott free, no shame for them. My grandfather paid a girl off my Uncle got pregnant. My Uncle never paid a dime in child support.
Best of luck. Let us know how it goes
‘What do you hope to accomplish? Do you really want to question a frail old woman about decisions she made many years ago?
Why has she never attempted to contact you; does she even want that?
DO NOT romanticize this!!
Why is she in a nursing home - is she cognizant?
How will this impact her life and her family?
I have several friends who either found biological parents or were found by them and none of them went well. Especially the ones who were found by children they gave up for adoption.
Sometimes the best decision is to do nothing and in my opinion that’s what you should do.
When it comes to adoption, both people need to want to see each other.
I arranged a meeting between my best friend in high school and her birth Mom (back when adoptions were closed) because it turned out she was in Minneapolis (where I was living) and my friend was still in NJ. The birth Mom was extremely upset to be contacted. Upset for a long time. Her family never knew she gave birth. The bio father was a family friend who was married at the time. Just telling you this so you don't romanticize anything about what you may be thinking of doing.
Silently thank her for giving you life, and hold her warmly in your thoughts.
You say, "If she wanted to know you, she'd have found you long ago." !!!! Besides being a terribly insensitive statement, it's also incorrect in that it can be impossible to find a child given up for adoption as there are still states where records are sealed. I had to hire someone at a high cost to steal my real birth certificate. THOSE are a few of the hoops we jump through to get answers!
Just because you would never want a child you gave up for adoption to find you in a nursing home "claiming you are her mother" does not mean OPs biological mother does not. Having no firsthand experience in this matter, you can't possibly understand the complicated emotions involved on BOTH ends!
Not a lot of information to go on here.
Do you want to see her?
Would love to know more