I have a brother-in-law in his 50s that stays in bed about 20 hours per day. Has been for years. How is he still alive?

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I have a brother-in-law in his 50s that stays in bed about 20 hours per day. Has been for years. How is he still alive?

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He has anxiety, agoraphobia and high cholesterol. He takes lipitor and effexor. He is overweight mainly in his midsection and I think he has an eating disorder. He sees a doctor and a counselor. He was advised to lose weight but fasts rather than exercises. He is prone and inactive the majority of each day. Also has insomnia or a really messed up sleep schedule.

Mental Health Mobility Senior Health

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He does get up and sometimes leaves the house for food but that's about it. He uses the bathroom but generally leaves a mess and he also sometimes urinates in a trash can in his room. He doesn't clean his room, rarely bathes or does laundry but we won't do it for him. We maintain the house his mother left him when she died and pay the utilities in exchange for living here. He does have mental issues but is also lazy. His mother did everything for him when she was alive. If he lived alone the house would be a total pig sty or he'd burn it down trying to cook. He's on disability so eats out.

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My uncle lived in his recliner for probably 12 years or even more, while his wife waited on him hand & foot. He was 100 lbs overweight and refused to eat anything but junk food, which she brought him, along with a jar to urinate in and Depends to defecate in. She cleaned him up in his recliner, too while he shouted orders and obscenities at her in a loud voice. Over the years of self indulgence and immobility, he developed non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver which eventually killed him, but he was in his early 80s when that happened. What surprised me was two things:

That his wife stayed with him and enabled his disgusting behavior, and
That she didn't die before he did.

The human body is like a machine that's designed to live a long time, even when it's improperly taken care of, as long as it has someone taking care of it. Remove that caretaker and oddly enough, the person suddenly has to take care of HIMSELF and that's when everything miraculously changes.

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That's sad that she put up with that.

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Wow! He is really mentally ill and probably suffering from Major Depression. If he had a mental health aide to encourage him to at least walk around the house would that be possible? Is he on disability? How does he pay his bills? Shower? Dress?

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My mother-in-law left him the house when she died and my husband (his brother) and I moved in. He's on disability but we pay the bills and maintain the house. He can't or won't even clean up his room. He has terrible hygiene and rarely washes his clothes and if we say anything to him, he goes longer without doing these things. He does have depression, anxiety, memory problems, agoraphobia and possibly an eating disorder. He doesn't seem to register the passing of time correctly. He'll say his other brother has had a truck that doesn't run in his yard for about a year, when actually it's been five years. Food is his only motivation and sometimes this other brother, who is schizophrenic and has a drinking problem will get him out of the house for a few hours. I think he's lazy and is used to not having to do for himself because his mom did everything for him when she was alive. We don't. We have told him he has to buy his own food and he does leave the house once or twice a day to eat out. We expect him to do his own laundry, clean his room and bathe regularly but he rarely does any of those things. If we say anything to him he goes longer without doing those things. He sometimes acts like a spoiled 5 year old and doesn't think we should tell him what to do. A psychiatrist that saw him once says he doesn't need a guardian. He goes to counseling but I'm sure they have no idea of what's really going on with him, just what he tells them. He has been overweight but has been losing weight lately. I'm not sure how because he doesn't exercise and only rarely walks around the block.

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Lipitor keeps his Cholesterol down.

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How is he still alive? Someone must be providing food for him. He is either getting up to go to the bathroom or someone is taking care of his bodily functions.
No one can help him if he does not want help.
This is a choice he makes for himself.
If you or other family members are enabling this behavior it might be time to stop.

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I have a brother-in-law in his 50s that stays in bed about 20 hours per day. Has been for years. How is he still alive?

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