He is 74 and I am 73. He has Lewy Body Dementia and had had a stroke a year ago. He struggles to see, hear and speak. He is no threat to me or himself. He is now sleeping 16 hours a night which denotes depression and is completely reliant on me to do everything. He expects me to entertain him during the day and I wish I could, but I have chores to do all day. I'm tired and isolated and long for a life. How do I know when he is ready to go into a facility for both our sanity.
There are many Memory Care Assisted Living Facilities that ARE accepting new residents during the pandemic. Most simply require the new resident be quarantined for 14 days upon move in. You may have visiting restrictions, as I do with my mother who lives in a Memory Care ALF, now that the virus has ramped back up again. I have a window visit (with me sitting outside) with her every Sunday for around 30 minutes, weather permitting. The ALF may begin allowing indoor visits once they get clearance from the Health Department and guidance as far as how to go about doing so safely. In any event, you can always have a phone put into his room so you can speak with him daily.
Don't feel guilty, either...........placing him in a Memory Care ALF will provide HIM with other elders to canoodle with, 3 meals and 3 snacks a day, and a variety of activities to keep him occupied. All his needs will be seen to by a staff of people who work 24/7 to make sure he's cared for properly. Check out some ALFs in your area; my advice would be to check out privately owned places vs. corporately owned places. The privately owned ALFs, I have found, are way better and easier to deal with than the corporate owned ones who are primarily interested in money. My mother has been living in her ALF since April of 2015 and she gets a great level of care and respect from the staff over there.
Wishing you the best of luck making a decision that takes BOTH of your needs into consideration. Oftentimes, the only person being considered is the elder who's suffering from dementia........not his care giver who can wind up dying BEFORE he does, due to extreme stress and being exhausted and overworked. Remember; YOU MATTER TOO!
If that doesn't sound like an option for you, then it's probably time to be looking for a facility that deals with his type of dementia, as it does sound like you are getting burned out. Being a caregiver for our loved ones is very difficult at times, and only you know how much more you can take. So be kind to yourself and do whatever you feel is best for you and your husband. Best wishes.