I am a middle child with 4 sisters. I am a widow. My children and grandchildren live in St. Louis and my mother lives in Phoenix. I have taken care of my mother for the last eight months, away from my immediate family. I have done the very best I could takung care of my mother but it has taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. I lost 25 pounds, couldn't eat, depressed, and had to have surgery so I could try to eat again. All of this made me realize I can't do this anymore. The sisters are sending guilt and shame filled texts to try to change my decision but I can't. They are being so mean saying I am being selfish. Not sure how I can deal with this. I would really like some advice in this.
I myself at this moment am so angry with him that I'm going to have someone else tell my brother when my dad transitions like my Minister. He barely helps and they want me to get a job. So I do know somewhat how your feeling.
Go through Elder Options or whichever elder help resource is in your town take a caregiver training class and use some of their options. They maybe able to help with respite care and other things like a companion for your mom so you can get out. Also, see if AARP have resources that you can use.
The Savvy caregiver training course help me tremendously. I was even able to get a free transitional counselor. I hope this helps. They say you have to take care of yourself first or you won't be able to help your mom and true.
you owe them nothing! You don’t need to explain to them how this caregiving arrangement is killing you.... just be firm and tell them to “figure it out” from here because you are taking a well deserved break. Forever!
Is your mother of sound mind?
If your mom is of sound mind, talk to her.
Will your mom agree to relocate? If she is willing to relocate, see if she would be willing to move to an apartment or an assisted living facility or a nursing home either near you (or near where most of her children could visit regularly -- if you and she actually believes they would).
If your mom is of sound mind but unwilling to relocate, say farewell with a clear conscience.
If your mom is not of sound mind, see a lawyer and see what would be involved in getting you named as her legal guardian so you make decisions for her -- then liquidate most of her assets and relocate her -- move her to an apartment assisted living facility or nursing home facility near your home so you could visit weekly.
If money is an issue, look around in your area for group homes. Maybe if you find a place, do your research, that feels homey to you, then tell your siblings, they might honor you for doing that.
Sending hopeful thoughts and prayers your way.💞
I think 4 people can figure out care for one person. So, they have to take some time off from work. Maybe use vacation time. Oh well, we all have to do what we have to do to care for our parents.
It must feel so good to be back in ur own home. Enjoy and get ur health back. Thats what is important now. Hopefully they realize what was involved in caring for Mom.