My 83 yr old dad is paranoid and delusional, but can still manage his finances, drive, and physically take care of himself. I had to move him into my home last year because he almost lost everything because he was threatening his HOA and they were going to sue him.
He is also in poor health with heart disease.
I think the bank and realtor are taking advantage of him because it is obvious he is not fully mentally capable.
He made an offer on the 1st house he was shown.
He has been house hunting behind my back.
With just a POA, can I stop him from buying another house?
I would appreciate any advice. Thank you.
I know this is really hard. I wish you the best and hope you will let us know how you and your Dad are doing.
If the cardiologist is right, and given your father's challenging behaviours, and that you have medical POA, you can't just help him pack and wave him goodbye with a big white handkerchief. Has anyone done an MRI of his head among those 42 appointments? Any cognitive assessments? Anything useful???
I have been to 42 doctor appts with dad the past 9 months.
And 4 hospital visits. Only his heart doctor has taken me aside to tell me it is time to evaluate him. I think the rest are just after his great medical insurance money (his insurance pays 100% of everything).
His UTI tests, 2, were both clear, so unfortunately we can cross that off.
My husband and I are agreeing with 97yroldmom’s answer, that it would be better for everyone, (except his new neighbors!) if he had his own house again. He has just enough money to buy one, and we really don’t care how he spends it. Just concerned if I need that money to take care of him, the money will be tied up for a months while we sell his house.
I do plan to start the ball rolling by talking to his doctors. I would like to get their appraisals and see if they can help when I need it. I also have his medical POA so they should help me?
thank you!
Your Dad's primary doctor can do an UTI test, and so can an urgent care. If the test comes back that your Dad has a UTI, it can be corrected with antibiotics.
If there is no UTI, then you know that Dad has possibly entered into a stage of dementia.
The fallout with his home healthcare providers, his obsessional behaviours, his anxiety and irrationality: there is obviously something seriously wrong! But you've been firefighting on your own, and they've just let you? Surely not! Hasn't anyone been offering you advice, recommendations, anything?
Her daughter wasn’t too happy with her but aunt wasn’t concerned with what her daughter thought.
Your dad is living his life. Old people frequently think someone took their stuff when they can’t find it. Easier than looking for it. And even if the new house is only good for a few years, it’s years of your life where you can live in filth ( just teasing). Unfortunately something at some point will happen and you will be able to (need to) step in. What would you prefer he do? Were you happy with him literally nitpicking your every move? And yes, I imagine he would be unhappy with someone trying to take guardianship of him. Why would he want to cooperate?
I know you mean well and you may be right but he might be just fine squabbling with the new neighbors.
You say he is paranoid and delusional. Is that your opinion or a professional diagnosis? If there is a psychiatrist on his medical team, I should turn to that person for help. If not, you could start with his cardiologist, explain the behavioural challenges, and ask for a referral to an older age psychiatrist or possibly neurologist, depending on what the cardiologist recommends.
Before you rush, though - what would you say are the chances that your father would actually be able to carry out this quite complex task? If you do nothing, do you think he would in fact be successful in negotiating and completing a house purchase?
Whatever you do, for the time being I should avoid arguing with him about the subject. Nod, agree, and then aim for "masterly inactivity." But what happened to make him go off on this trajectory? - was there a particular issue?
I think what I need is a caregivers hotline.
My dad is capable of buying a house. My biggest problem with him is keeping him out of trouble. He blames everyone else for everything that happens.
He thinks our family is stealing things from his room when he can’t find something.
He’s good at calling the cops on people and harassing his neighbors.
He also sees bugs and bacteria everywhere. He has scratched up his nearly bald head by using a lice comb, and he keeps buying me lice medicine.
I swear my house is clean, and I have to use disinfection cleaners on everything to keep him happy.
I could go on and on and on...
He will fight a guardianship too. No way in hell will he cooperate. And he is a terrible driver, but ticket and accident free.
I am afraid I will have to wait until it gets worse before I can take over, but it is scary that something bad could happen before I can do anything.
thank you so much for taking the time to help.