I have my dad’s durable POA but no guardianship. He is trying to buy a house and move out of my home. Can I do anything to prevent this?

Mikki, some stages of some types of dementia feature paranoia and delusions of the type you describe. The other possibility, as others have mentioned, is a UTI (similar manifestations). I agree you need to get a medical evaluation to (1) rule out curable UTI (or treat UTI if the culprit and give you both relief) or (2) establish he suffers from dementia and not capable of handling such matters.

I know this is really hard. I wish you the best and hope you will let us know how you and your Dad are doing.

Before u allow him to purchase a home. Please get him evaluated. Dementia can progress slowly or the decline can be fast. He may not be able to be on his own. You then have to care for him or find aides.

Mikki, if your father's heart doctor has taken you to one side and advised you to have your father evaluated, I am guessing that the doctor was telling you that your father has vascular dementia. So what investigations have been done as to that?

If the cardiologist is right, and given your father's challenging behaviours, and that you have medical POA, you can't just help him pack and wave him goodbye with a big white handkerchief. Has anyone done an MRI of his head among those 42 appointments? Any cognitive assessments? Anything useful???

Again, thank you for all the advice and info. Everyone is so helpful!
I have been to 42 doctor appts with dad the past 9 months.
And 4 hospital visits. Only his heart doctor has taken me aside to tell me it is time to evaluate him. I think the rest are just after his great medical insurance money (his insurance pays 100% of everything).
His UTI tests, 2, were both clear, so unfortunately we can cross that off.
My husband and I are agreeing with 97yroldmom’s answer, that it would be better for everyone, (except his new neighbors!) if he had his own house again. He has just enough money to buy one, and we really don’t care how he spends it. Just concerned if I need that money to take care of him, the money will be tied up for a months while we sell his house.
I do plan to start the ball rolling by talking to his doctors. I would like to get their appraisals and see if they can help when I need it. I also have his medical POA so they should help me?

thank you!

MikkiW, after reading your list of items about your Dad, it could be possible that he has an Urinary Tract Infection, as such an infection can cause in an older person an array of different symptoms such as seeing bugs, thinking people are stealing from him, etc. I know, hard to believe such an infection could do that.

Your Dad's primary doctor can do an UTI test, and so can an urgent care. If the test comes back that your Dad has a UTI, it can be corrected with antibiotics.

If there is no UTI, then you know that Dad has possibly entered into a stage of dementia.

Unless your father is adjudged as incompetent in managing his affairs you cannot override his wishes, and in fact as his POA you are obligated to fulfill his wishes if he is not demented. Is this new behavior for him or has he ALWAYS been delusional and paranoid? Because if you I suspect you are sunk. You will have to seek the help of Elder Law Attorney to figure out how to move forward into guardianship if necessary, but step one is to speak with his doctor about competency. You may have no choice in any of this, in which case I wonder why you would wish to serve as his POA. I sure wouldn't . I would be handing it all back to him, and walking away at this point. He could give his money to whomever he chose at that point.

I think Dad needs a full eval. He is not able to handle his finances. Your POA can override his decisions if a Dr. declares he is incompetent.

Mikki, I'm really puzzled - what feedback about your father's mental state have you been getting from his health care professionals over the last 12+ months?

The fallout with his home healthcare providers, his obsessional behaviours, his anxiety and irrationality: there is obviously something seriously wrong! But you've been firefighting on your own, and they've just let you? Surely not! Hasn't anyone been offering you advice, recommendations, anything?

My great aunt in her 80s built a new home. Lived in it 20 years. Loved her home. Had a nice boyfriend she traveled with for about 15 of those years. They had a ball. She died at 104.
Her daughter wasn’t too happy with her but aunt wasn’t concerned with what her daughter thought.
Your dad is living his life. Old people frequently think someone took their stuff when they can’t find it. Easier than looking for it. And even if the new house is only good for a few years, it’s years of your life where you can live in filth ( just teasing). Unfortunately something at some point will happen and you will be able to (need to) step in. What would you prefer he do? Were you happy with him literally nitpicking your every move? And yes, I imagine he would be unhappy with someone trying to take guardianship of him. Why would he want to cooperate?
I know you mean well and you may be right but he might be just fine squabbling with the new neighbors.

What Countrymouse said; Durable or not, he is in control of his finances & his life. You need 2 doctors to legally sign off on "legal" capacity: unless he doesn't know his rights. I've seen older people with dementia but varied moments of clarity will allow the law to give a nod to them as still capable/competent. There are layers in that area as far as driving/changing wills/ decision making/etc... If he is still driving how incapacitated is he? That is where I would start. I went through the same thing with my mother and let me tell you as an RN (and a mental health & hospice expert); it was murder (in the mindful sense). My mom's car was banged up from her hitting things but if you weren't aware of the circimstances you would think it's just a couple dings. I finally had to turn her into the DMV who took her license away (You cannot do that anonymously). You can hardly prove anything while he's still driving. What about the families on the road...that's what I couldn't stomach. The thought that she would kill someone while my brother and sister are screaming at me about her rites...what about the other people on the road. Driving is a privilege not a right. I did murder her in a sense...I took her driving freedom and after that she dwindled away. 6 months later she passed away on hospice (another battle I had to fight against her and the family). People are in denial and don't want to see. I wouldn't change anything though, as I know I saved some other people from my mother on the road and she was able to pass away in her own home surrounded by family. Start with the driving. At the very least the DMV will have him come in and redo the driving part if you make them aware of the situation (that's a good thing); be strong. And he's a man so prepare for a fight...he will view you as the enemy. You will question your whole identity and second guess everything: it will hit you from all sides, but if you really believe he is a danger and/or incompetent; I support you. It was on my mother's death bed that she finally understood and apologized to me for making it so hard for me to help her. Not the last conversation I wanted with my mother but a very important conversation and lesson for me. Step back and see...you'll know what to do; trust your gut.

It's about his legal competence. You have to get his mental state assessed, in order to have it established, formally, whether or not your DPOA can kick in and override his decisions.

You say he is paranoid and delusional. Is that your opinion or a professional diagnosis? If there is a psychiatrist on his medical team, I should turn to that person for help. If not, you could start with his cardiologist, explain the behavioural challenges, and ask for a referral to an older age psychiatrist or possibly neurologist, depending on what the cardiologist recommends.

Before you rush, though - what would you say are the chances that your father would actually be able to carry out this quite complex task? If you do nothing, do you think he would in fact be successful in negotiating and completing a house purchase?

Whatever you do, for the time being I should avoid arguing with him about the subject. Nod, agree, and then aim for "masterly inactivity." But what happened to make him go off on this trajectory? - was there a particular issue?