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Please take your husband to the ER or call 911. You’ve witnessed blood in his stool and that is a huge red flag. This should be evaluated immediately. A diseased liver causes blood from clotting properly. He can very well bleed out not only from his bowel but from his stomach as well. I’ve seen it first hand as a young nurse; I will never forget it either.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Your husband is an alcoholic (Per your post prior to this). He has been diagnosed with alcoholic cirrhosis. He should not be drinking at all.

Alcoholism is a disease that effects the entire family. I’ve seen too many of these cases as a nurse. The CG struggles with the patients bad decisions. I feel you are a caring individual who is stuck in an awful situation. You love your husband and want him to get better. But his addiction is in the way.

His liver is dying. Liver tissue does not regenerate. Hubby drinking alcohol is gradually but surely killing off the rest of his liver.

I recommend Al-Anon for you to provide support to an alcoholic who is actively in the process of killing himself. Alcoholism is a disease in itself. The alcoholic has no control over his choices and will continue to make bad decisions due to alcohol addiction. Until your hubby wants to stop drinking there is not much you can do except find support for yourself and your well being.

Best wishes to you. Please take care of yourself too.
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ginamomgoodman Sep 2020
Hi

I wanted to ask another question, you are so wonderful to give me information. My husband will not stop drinking beer because he says he doesn’t want to shock his body. However when he drinks it, he immediately spits up the foam every single time. His bowel movements are never solid and always has a little bit of blood. He says it’s a bleeding hemorrhoid and hurts him all the time, says it stings and burns. His stomach is huge I’m thinking ascites. Idk, he is supposed to get a Kat scan per his GI doctor, but doesn’t think he needs it. And as of yesterday his feet started swelling. I have a numerous amount of times indicated that I want to take him to emergency, but he says there is nothing they can do. I do not understand why he won’t let me take him in. All he says is he doesn’t want to catch covid or die in the hospital. He sleeps a lot during the day and up most of the night. He does have a primary appointment on Thursday, where I’m hoping he tells his doctor everything that is happening. His umbilical hernia is bulging out of his belly button area and ripping through causing it to bleed as well. I am so distraught because I want to help him, but he keeps telling me not to worry and I do. :(
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Gina,
Take a look at what I wrote on July 22nd about my Dad and how he died. What you describe in your reply to Shane sounds just like my Dad prior to his collapsing at home.

Your husband is right--that this stage of his illness, there is very little that the doctors can do--except to extend his life for a few more days or hours. (Or make him more comfortable by giving him some pain medications.)

Unfortunately if your husband does not want to go to the hospital then you are going to have to wait until he does collapse, like my Dad did, and then you will be able to call 911. They will do everything they can to save your husband, The paramedics and EMTs will have to perform CPR on your husband when they are called.

I wish that I could take away your anguish and worry and fear, but I cannot. All you can do now is let nature take its course and let your husband die as he wishes--at home.

Have you talked with hospice yet? You should talk with your doctor about hospice tomorrow ASAP if your husband is still alive then. I know that I sound gruesome, but your husband is actively dying and could die within the next 24 hours (based on what you wrote).

Lots of HUGS 💖 and Prayers!!! 🙏
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ginamomgoodman Sep 2020
I can ask about hospice; however my husband would probably act like I’m silly for doing so, I WILL call the doctor tomorrow, and talk to him about this situation. My husband does get up and wants to eat, because his stomach hurts him bad, and he says he needs food to calm it down. I’m glad that he still acts like he is hungry. Thank you for your reply, I am really trying to talk him into letting me take him to emergency.
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Gina,

I just read that your husband has an appointment with his primary doctor on Thursday. Call that doctor tomorrow-Wednesday and tell him what is happening and why your husband does not want to go to the hospital and ask that the doctor to see your husband on Wednesday. Don't wait until Thursday to see the doctor. Your husband's condition is too critical to wait.
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GinaMom, please go to your Private Messages.
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ginamomgoodman Sep 2020
I don’t know how
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Dear, i will set a bottle of cold beer on the step outside after you drink this tall glass of water with shaved ice, lemon, and a droplet of juice. and maybe a swig of vodka to help keep it down. Mios drinks.. thy have caffein in the them, vitamins, taste good. I might help.. Green Matcha tea with lemon is wonderful. anyway, before he drinks- offer him a glass water.
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To go to your private messages, click on your avatar(symbol, picture) and the click "profile". Your private messages are there.

Gina, you keep asking for suggestions.

We keep telling you to call 911.

Why won't you do that?

You husband is dying. He is suffering from insufficient oxygen to his brain. He is not thinking clearly. YOU need to be the one in charge now.

You have 2 choices. One is to call a local hospice organization. They will send someone to examine him. The other is to call 911 and have the EMTs examine him.

I would certainly fear not doing anything and allowing him to die unattended. If he dies with no evidence of medical care, you will be asked why you didn't summon care for him.

You don't talk your husband into letting you call for help. YOU call for help.

There is a hospice organization in Hesperia called Amazing Grace Hospice.

Call the doc in the AM and ask "Is it time to call hospice if my husband won't go to the hospital?"

(((((((Hugs))))))))
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GinaMom,
You don't know how to go to your private messages. There is no reason I cannot post here for you, as I know the feeling. I am still learning my way around the page after more than a year.
Gina, is your husband still entirely rational? Is this the reason you are not "taking things into your own hands" and calling 911? Or do you not understand that your husband may be now ACTIVELY dying? Have you asked your Husband "Hon, do you want me to call 911 if I cannot arouse you; if I believe that you are dying".
You say that your husband said "They cannot do anything" if he goes to ER. Indeed, that may be the case. IF that is the case then your Doctor will order hospice. There should be paperwork called a POLST in place so ambulance drivers don't attempt to resuscitate (if legal in your state).
But it is time for all of you, husband, you and doctor, to talk about all of this and make decisions.
It is time to face the fact that your husband may be dying of his cirrhosis. There is nothing that we on forum can do to help you. You must have the help and advice of medical care whatever the decisions are. If you knowingly allow a dying person to simply die you could be accused of neglect. This is what we are trying to prevent for you. I think it unlikely, with his history, and the way he will "present" now (look).....but it is a possibility. And it may leave you questioning yourself as to what you "should have/could have done".
I am so relieved you have an appointment today. However, if anything happens to prevent this "appointment" you must call 911 and have your husband taken to the hospital. (With your description of late I can't imagine how you will get him to an appointment at this time). THERE they will document his refusal for treatment even if such decision does indeed take him more quickly.
We are all on the Forum worried for you both. Our thoughts are with you. We wish you both only the best that can be.
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ginamomgoodman Sep 2020
Yes my husband is lucid, and always tells me not to worry, he says the swelling is because of his drinking and that he only has a bleeding hemorrhoid. Yes, I continually tell him I want to take him to the emergency room, but he does not want me to. He will be talking to his primary tomorrow, they said the doctor is not available today, so his normal appt is tomorrow. He sleeps, and still eats as much as he can, says he gets hungry which is good. I do see sometimes he has to take a breath, but for the most part he is very lucid, knows everything that is happening. He’s not cold, just won’t stop drinking beer, even though he is not drinking as much, he is still drinking it. Lots of congestion, but now he is not spitting up the foam from the beer.
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GinaMom can you give us an update. Many of us are concerned about you.
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sounds like he is very depressed and accepting the outcome, whatever that may be for him.
POST AND DNR FORMS SHOULD BE IN PLACE.
LIVING TRUST AND/OR WILL SHOULD BE IN PLACE.
LOVE AND COMPASSION SHOULD BE IN PLACE.
911 cannot help him, if he does not want to be helped. If it is physical, perhaps he doesn't have the physical energy to help himself through that process.
feed him water. and if he feels he needs the taste of beer, well, put a spot in it for him to taste. after reading this, I need to slow down too, and stop the fast food. The fast food is slowing me down too. Nothing in my kitchen is fresh from the garden... :( except my lemon tree. I do use those in my water everyday. If yo see a lemon tree in your neighborhood with actual fruit, stop, knock on door and ask for a couple.. they seem to help me a bit. I met a lot of people by giving the fruit that is covering that tree...
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