Mother is in Rehabilitation in a nursing home facility. She is not wanting to stay longterm there. My sister is trying to talk her into going back to her camper to live. It is so small she can't get to the bathroom to shower or not even walk if she wanted to. My sister has very bad temper and is hateful with her and cusses her out if she urinates on the letout couch. She took her cell phone away from her and would not let her use it. But she stays on her phone 24/7 talking to her lover scammer men. I do not want her to go back there. It's like she is in a den of hungry wolves. I need help, I am seeing a lawyer about being her POA, but mother is still competent to make her own decisions. She says my sister will have to prove to her she will not treat her like she has before. But my sister is very conniving she manipulates mother into getting her way. Mother just can't see the way I do about her, because she loves her and wants her to change. She always puts on a front saying she loves mom and things will be different. But it is always the same. My heart is hurting and I'm so afraid that my sister is going to take her out of the facility. She has mother's car and some of mother's belongings in the car. Mother is not getting enough money to rent an apartment or get a low income home because of the waiting list. I can't bring her back to my home because of the problems it caused before. If any suggestions or information would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
So "camper ... is so small she can't get to the bathroom to shower or not even walk if she wanted to " means Mom is unable to walk and therefore navigate through the cramped living space, so much so that she sometimes doesn't get to the bathroom in time?
Other questions that may help you make a case for keeping Mom from returning to the camper:
Does she need help with medication?
Once in the bathroom, can she care for herself?
Who's with her during the day?
Who provides food and water during the day?
Check your State's Aging office to see what options there are for Mom to get into a safe place.
Hi again.
I'd caution you against attempting to get POA; it seems mom LIVES with Sis?
Do remind us of her living situation. You mention a van and how tiny it is, and mention sister's management of mom's day-to-day care. But I forget the rest you told us.
It's clear to me that you mom doesn't wish now to make changes, and she's still able to make her own decisions. You've apparently talked to her, and she's said this:
"sister will have to prove to her she will not treat her like she has before."
So that is what I think you should do. Allow her to assess for herself.
You say mom is incontinent on the sofa. I can see sister having a brief mental break on that one! It seems mom isn't ready or willing now to leave sister, nevertheless.
There's only so much you can do. Mom's mentally capable of choice, and has made her choice to live with sister.
Any POA will might get/have would begin a war with sister, and mom in the middle.
I'd contact the Social Worker at the rehab. He/she either is or can guide you to discharge planners. I'd tell them your concerns, and ask if someone can speak with sister, assess her willingness/ability to have mom back and watch over her.
Medicaid doesn't normally cover ALF, though you can call around, because SOME few do. Sometimes Board and Care Homes do also and as rare as they are becoming they can be excellent: fewer residents, more homelike, often run by families, better food.
I don't have a lot else, but unless mom comes to you without your prompting and asks you to be POA for her I would not interfer. And don't allow yourself to be the one she whines to (as that might lose her her phone).
I would HELP sis. Couch cover for instance. I would show up with some bags of groceries, a delivery takeout coupon for meal brought in, incontinence supplies, some such. I would try to work together, but I wouldn't interfere.
I hope things go better.
Best wishes.