My 84 yr old mom is so hard to deal with. My brother lives with her and it is even harder for him. Her short term memory is awful. I could spend a day with her and when I leave she immediately forgets I was there. She tells my brother that me and my sister don’t love her and only want money from her (no she doesn’t have much). She won’t answer the phone and rarely will take the phone from my brother to talk to me. When he does insist, when she is done talking to me, she yells and swears at him for answering the phone. I am on all her accounts and sometimes have to help her with her finances. Which, after the time I help she gets upset with me saying she doesn’t need my help. My brother quit his job to stay with her. So, I insist she pay he bills and groceries. She says he has to “learn”. He is 59 yrs old. He knows! So she gets upset with me and gets me upset, then she forgets a minute later what happened while I’m upset all night cuz she can be so mean. She makes up stories and is paranoid. For the last couple weeks she won’t leave the house for church or grocery stores. These have been the only places she would go to for the last few years. She gets hyper focused on one thing and won’t stop until she wants to, regardless if it makes sense or not. It is exhausting! The crazy thing is if you met her you wouldn’t necessarily know she was like this and has dementia. She still showers and gets dressed. She washes clothes over and over. Changing lots of times. She forgets she just washed them. My brother says it keeps her busy so he just lets her. I get that:) she has bladder and bowel issues that when I tell the dr about it she says she’s better now, she’s not. She’s not a wanderer. She still knows us. Tho, she thinks my sister is stealing from her all the time, and my sister rarely sees her and has no access to anything.
as many of you say, she is not my mom anymore. I miss my mom. I just don’t know what to do. How do I help my brother? The paranoia and depression is working into him as well. He has his own issues and this just feeds into it. She knows her home and her money. She would never agree to moving or even let help come in cuz she thinks everyone will steal from her. I have brought people in for home repairs cuz she won’t let my brother. But I have to be there. And she gets mad at me for doing it. The house needs so much work. I just don’t know what to do or how to handle things. Do I just let things go as they are until she doesn’t recognize us anymore? Or doesn’t take care of her hygiene anymore? I don’t have POA and frankly afraid to bring it up right now! Any suggestions?
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Only make your observations short and one page. If you can type them in 14 font, easier to read.
1. Dresses and washes clothes several times a day
2. Thinks children are stealing from her
So on and so on. Before you can do anything, you need a diagnosis. Your brother should not be given up his work experience. It will effect his SS which he is close to being able to apply for. SS only goes back 35 years. Lets say brother does not work 10 of those years, his SS will only be based on 25 of those years.
You may want to start with Office of Aging to evaluate Mom for services.
Her condition probably makes it impossible for her to give anyone POA.
It's really hard to know how to proceed. Bottom line is she needs to be kept safe. And your brother needs to be kept sane. If she won't allow caregivers in her home, she is going to probably need placement at some point because there is only so much your brother can do. He's going to burn out. As will you.