I need to find friends on Long Island NY- Friends to offer guidance because costs are so high for assisted living I don't know what to do.

Yes they are! My MIL was at an AL in Suffolk County & it cost $11000/month.

I visited her once and asked the SW if my MIL would be able to stay there once she had been a self pay for a certain amount of time should MIL use up all her resources and was told absolutely not. Once MIL’s money ran out she would be booted out to a Medicaid SNF. Nice.
MIL was there for 3 years and passed away in May @ age 96. She had almost nothing left & could have afforded less than one more year at AL/MC.

New York is ridiculously overpriced for AL/MC. Especially your area. There are not many options otherwise either - we couldn’t find many AL’s in Suffolk county and they all had similar exorbitant monthly fees.

A Place for Mom is a referral source. If you contact them they will ask for a financial assessment of assets of those seeking LTC and refer you to facilities near your home. They assist purely self pay individuals - No help will be given if the senior is on Medicaid. Medicare does not pay for LTC. APFM makes revenue from successful referrals. They will not drive you to the facilities but they will give your info out to local AL’s and you’ll receive a thousand pushy phone calls from those places and A Place for Mom.

Otherwise short of leaving the state (which is happening in droves now with New Yorkers fleeing south due to Covid & an increase in crime) you don’t have any other options on Long Island. New York ALF’s don’t take Medicaid waivers (which are rare in NY).

Our family has indeed been there, done that. The family writes the check each month from MIL resources or the resident is transferred out.

PACE program does home visits if the person is nursing home qualified. They can let you know with assessment over the phone or research other home health care ratings.

Does she walk & able to toilet herself? Do the activities of daily living? Depends on what level of care she needs. Do you live with her? Are you her caregiver now? Did she have help before or just starting to need it? Does she have dementia? If she has dementia, it gets worse & she can become very uncooperative or even violent. Not sure about your situation & your mother’s. It really depends on what your mother can & cannot do! If she don’t walk & is incontinent, you should look into nursing home long term care. You can choose to sell her house to pay for her care ; or have it put in trust to protect from Medicaid...Elder law Atty can help you with that. Meanwhile, start touring different places...assisted living & nursing facilities & talk with admissions. For nursing home admissions, she either needs a 3 day hospital stay or a nursing assessment ..from a nurse that comes to the home. Hugs 🤗

I am in Florida and we are about to place mom in assisted living. Room/apt is$5000/mo and $600 a month in "level of care" assistance with a $5000 one time entrance fee non refundable. Oh and to bring her cat it is an extra $300 per month. Not sure how long she will be able to afford it if her needs increase over the years. I am 55 and have been told that when I am 60 I need to purchase long term care insurance. All this said - I wish the rent was less and care was more. Meals for people in their 80's should not cost an arm and a leg - as the portions are usually balanced. Nothing in our area that I have found is less than $4000 a month in rent for the room/apt in assisted living.

Cally
i am in a similar situation.
I live in Westchester County as do my parents, dad at 89 has Alzheimer’s and is in a rehab facility after a hip operation. We are trying to bring him
home but he needs 24/7 care. They live in a 1 bdrm apt, so unsure how this will work out. Mom 86 is still at their apartment in Yorktown five minutes from where I live, but it’s very difficult she wants me 24 seven, my three brothers try to help but not as much and it’s becoming difficult. Prices here are ridiculous. People just say to me put them in assisted-living for the care that my father needs assisted-living would be about $12k/month my parents do not have that kind of money.

There are several Assisted Living communities throughout Nassau and Suffolk Counties. Some are an all inclusive, which means care is included in your monthly cost, and some where the care cost is additional depending on the care needed for that individual. Lifestyle is also a factor in choosing a particular community.

Taking the care out of the equation for a moment. In all Assisted Living Communities what is included in your monthly rent is three meals a day restaurant style dining several options to choose from, housecleaning everyday, laundry, all activities, transportation within a 10-15 miles radius, wellness center for MD appointments, which are covered under personal medical insurance.

The cost again varies depending on lifestyle, geographic location, and most importantly care. Starting from $2500 to $13,000 or more depending on all these factors. One factor that is extremely important is the care. At that point you would want your loved one to be able to age in place. Believe it or not seniors go there to live, thrive, not die!

When realizing that a loved one might benefit from this type of environment it can become extremely confusing and overwhelming.

Generally I believe smaller group homes might possibly be more affordable if that is an option. In my experience for profit AL facilities have higher costs with more frequent cost raises than not for profit facilities. There may be parts of Long Island that are somewhat more affordable than others. I used to live in NY,not Long Island although I am familiar with the area to a degree. My mother has been in a facility in NY and SC. In SC while not inexpensive it is half the cost it was in NY but she was in a for profit facility in NY and now is in a not for profit one in SC run by the Lutheran church. We are in the most expensive part of the state. In other parts of SC the costs would be lower. I know how difficult this process can be and I hope you find some suggestions here helpful to you.

ugh, costs for AL vary not only by part of the country, but by the services your loved one needs.  When you ask them about costs, DONT sugarcoat what help your loved ones need (help with meds, help with getting up, etc), AND as your loved ones deteriorates (which yes, will happen), they will need MORE help.

There are cheaper areas in LI, you may have to go further out

I agree that you need to visit places yourself. But also find a Geriatric Case Manager - someone you can come to trust who can be 'boots on the ground" for you. Good Luck

I also like the 'someone will drive you around' idea - b/c if you aren't familiar with Long Island, you can waste a lot of time going to places that aren't suitable - or on Long Island, you need someone who knows the traffic patterns, as you can get stuck in massive traffic. Locals know when/where to avoid at certain times of the day.

You need to VISIT local assisted living places and get an idea of what things cost. Don't just call, visit. When my father needed one, my husband and I visited 7 of them over two weekends. We picked the top 3 and let my father make final choice. Initially it cost $4-5000 per month because he didn't need much extra care. At one point it did rise to $7000 a month. He was at the point he couldn't/wouldn't do anything for himself.

If your mom can get by with a few hours of care at home by all means keep her home. But if you are 'on call' 24/7 then you need assisted living.

Costs for Assisted Living are high all over the country. In San Francisco the rates for a room likely start around 5,000 to say nothing of levels of care. In Palm Spring where my brother lived about 3,000 for one room is the start, add on care level funds. Costs are very very high everywhere. To check out places where you live, google the places in your area, call and visit. There are many agencies who, like A Place For Mom will drive you around to look. They will ask you what your income and assets are to decide what you might afford, and will ask you what your needs are, then will take you everywhere from Board and Cares to Assisted Living places. If there are NO funds then of course it is Medicaid applications. There are some nicer places and some not so nice. You will have to explore in your own area.