I need to know what to say to my granddad as he has expressed a want to end his life.

My mom says the same kind of things. I tell her God isn’t done with her here on earth. I’m trying my best to keep you as comfortable as possible. And I need you in my life. I listen and I try to tell her that I will be doing the same thing. I treasure every moment with my mom and it doesn’t matter if I clean her but God knows she took the best of care of all of us, it’s my turn to take care of her. Praying for us all.
Susan

Hello. I dealt with this with my 92 y/o father. The way that I handled it with him, was to be a a super good listener, and Really listen to his thoughts, feelings,etc.
i chose to talk with his primary physician first. He was able to get me the name of a dr. Who supports death with dignity .
i had to remind my father that the dr. Determined that he did not qualify; must be 6 months or less to live (medical reasons) when he would forget and start talking about it again. That dr. Charged $420.00, yet it was reimbursed some time later.My reasoning for letting him talk to the Specialist, was because I felt that he had the right to know. I prefaced this with a statement of, “I want you to know that I love you, am not ready to lose you, yet I feel that he he had the right to know, and the decision was not mine, but his to make. Respect for his rights was important to me.
you also build trust with respecting his rights as a person, and treating him that way. Hope this helps.

My dad said and felt the same way as his health was declining.
I had a hard time dealing with listening to his ideas on how he would kill himself. At first I was getting so upset I actually went into the bathroom and got sick. I was so upset with him and
didn't know how to deal with it.
One day dad was doing well. his dementia wasn't that bad. So
I decided to sit next to his bed and tell him how much I loved him. I explained how much it hurt me to hear he wanted to end his life. I explained to dad that when I was born you were there for me always, good and bad times. How he never let me down and how his shoulder was always there for me if I needed it. I told him I felt the same way as he did , I said I loved him endlessly and wanted to be there for the good and bad times. I said daddy, you saw me into this world with mommy now its my turn to
be there for you. please allow me to hold and love you to the very end.
my dad cried and told me he loved me and wanted me to be there for him.
Dad never spoke of hurting himself again. We cried and laughed till the very end. We were together holding each other when he took his last breath.
It has been one year since my dad passed. My mom passed three weeks later. I am heart broken but I have so many memories of my parents that will always be in my heart.
I miss them so much.

in such cases you have to take more care of your granddad because his mental state is not ok and in this stage he can do anything. so give him a proper care and assistance.

He does not want to get to the point where he can't do anything.

Assisted suicide should be legal in all 50 states.

You might find this of interest.


https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/05/10/health/david-goodall-australian-scientist-dies-intl/index.html

https://www.google.com/amp/s/news.sky.com/story/amp/my-final-hours-with-david-goodall-the-104-year-old-doctor-who-chose-to-die-11367408

I am not advocating suicide. I am saying it’s a real consideration for elders. Your grandfather might experience a certain amount of stress relief to be able to discuss this with someone. Medicare will pay for therapy. Maybe a visit with a licensed professional would help reduce his anxiety.
Sometimes just having a safe place to unload these thoughts can help.
A few sessions for yourself might help you learn to guide his conversation to help him release these thoughts.
Usually we recommend to distract a dementia sufferer from hallucinations or distraught ideations.
He does seem very aware for having had years of dementia.
The last two years of my mom’s life, she told a grandchild that she wished she had not had a pacemaker. She mistakenly thought it was keeping her alive.
I know it’s stressful to hear him being so tired of life.
Also you might try going to him for advice. Tell him your troubles and let him be of service to someone.
You might try interviewing him on camera. Asking him questions about his earliest memories. All of this not to stop his talk of suicide but to remind him of happier times. Make a cup of tea. Have a pen and paper. Take notes. Let him do 90% of the talking. Take your time. Hugs to you both.

I know people who work in long term care and it is a well kept secret that many people have attempted suicide. Just because old people are closer to their natural end of life doesn't mean that we shouldn't take them seriously when they tell us they would rather be dead, especially concerning is the fact he has detailed plans about how to go about it. Please speak to his doctors about this or call a suicide hot line for advice.

Just the fact that Grandpa still reasons and can comprehend cause and effect, plus has control over his bladder and bowel movements leads me to believe his cognitive function is pretty high.
If he is of sound mind, he needs to write down his wishes, legally in the form of a will and medical directive (end of life directive).
You could establish a doctor/patient relationship with a medical professional in a state where assisted suicide is legal, and take a road trip when the time is right. Study up on the law of medical assisted suicide in that state and know what his rights are, and make a plan with Grandpa's wishes prior to him no longer being able to communicate his wishes. I believe most states require a terminal diagnoses, meaning that he has been medically diagnosed with a disease or illness that is fatal within the next 6 months. Dementia is not a fatal disease.
My hubby is 15 years younger than your Grandpa, diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease 10+ years ago, has been living with rapidly declining dementia for 2+ years, and no way can hubby communicate nor cognitively reason as well as Grandpa. He doesn't even believe he has any cognitive decline. His Geriatric Psychiatrist says most person's living with dementia don't recognize they have it. I guess we could call this a blessing in disguise. Hubby says sometimes that he wishes he was dead because he feels like he is living in a horror movie, but has never imagined nor expressed ways to follow through with suicide.

When I was growing up, it seemed like all the elderly people I was exposed to spoke of wanting to die. It was like a contagious disease. I remember it was a mantra that was largely ignored by their families. Like seriously, what could they say? I always thought these elders were looking for attention and recognition. Maybe it was true and they were, and maybe not.

However, when my mother was in a nursing home and suffered from dementia, she made a comment once about my grandfather (her father). It got me to thinking and I did some investigating of her papers. Fifty some years after the fact, I found out my beloved grandfather had hung himself in the garage of their home. Even though it was ancient history, I can tell you it was devastating. My mother was so far gone,I couldn’t ask her why he committed suicide and why it was hidden from me, even as an adult. It was scary. I remember telling my doctor and asking her if she thought this could be an inherited trait as I have children and grandchildren. For the rest of my life I will continue to be devastated by the knowledge of what my grandfather did to himself, and to me. It ultimately was a selfish act with little thought of consequences to those he left behind. I remember my grandmother stopped finding joy and happiness in everything she previously did. She stopped laughing. My mother was angry, haunted and nasty, especially to me, just entering my teens. I always assumed it was something I did. Now I understand, but it’s still very painful.

You can share what I’ve written here with your grandfather. Tell him to think of what sadness and upset he’d leave behind...for generations by committing this act.

As I approach my "golden years," having observed family members in various states of disability and care needs, I have started to change my mind about assisted suicide--for myself, that is. Perhaps your grandfather would be interested in information about that, if it's legal where you live.
My heart goes out to you, and to him. It sounds like he's a very thoughtful, empathetic soul, who doesn't want to hurt or even discomfort others. Our USA society doesn't seem to have great provisions for old disabled folks who don't want to live as a burden on someone else.
It's hard to know what to say to him. I wish my family members would be receptive to such a discussion with me, but I don't have dementia (I think); so your situation with him is different. I think you just listen, ask questions so you understand his feelings about it, and answer his questions directly and honestly.
Many people would--wrongly, I think--refuse to talk about this, although the dementia may be a big factor in how you want to approach it. Personally, I think it's cruel to tell someone his concerns don't matter, that everything will be fine, etc., when he clearly knows that everything won't be fine. Perhaps asking him to explain his reasoning will bring to light situations that could be changed or explained to provide him with reassurance that the future won't be as bleak as he fears.
He and you are blessed that you have inherited his empathy, love and understanding. You will do and say the right things out of your love for him.

You need to talk to his doctor. He is probably depressed especially if he still realizes he has a problem. My friends Dad would say "give me a gun". He was in a home, though. Wife had her health problems. Children scattered but my friend who had to work.

My dad is 83 yo with dementia living in an ALF. We lost our mom to Alzheimer’s last year- very hard on everyone especially our dad (there are 6 of us “kids”). Dad has always had a quiet wit and we have always enjoyed a good laugh- even to get through rough times. But more and more, his favorite phrase has been “just pull the plug “. He still walks around with a walker, bathes himself, eats regular food- but he knows his cognition is really starting to slide and I think it scares him. My siblings may handle it differently but my daughter ( his oldest granddaughter) and I say this to him -“You have outlived both of your parents by 25 years- that means you got to spend 25 more years helping your children grow up, educating them, attending all important family events, being a part of raising 9 grandchildren- that is something neither of your parents had the opportunity “. And I just try to emphasize (again, something that we were told over the years) that life is change, sometimes good, sometimes not so good, but change nonetheless and to be grateful for all of those opportunities that were denied YOUR parents. My daughter and I have a also made some photo albums with old family pictures (even ones of our mom’s growing up) which he enjoys looking through with one or more of us. I know the dementia will get worse and some of our most frank conversations are about the future, but I always try to spin the conversation back to the FACTS of a life simply well lived. And the best gift you can give your grandad (in my feeling) is your presence and your time.